Purple Plot Bunnies
by Zhie
Summary: Chapter Summeries: Ch.17: Plague of Valinor : Haldir learns that racism exists in Valinor, Thranduil does something nice for Gladders
1. The First Homely House of Valinor

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

Haldir weaved his way through the trees to the First Homely House, a seaside residence with a sparse sprinkling of trees around it. The five closest trees had flets built in them, but they weren't trees of Lorien, so the design was changed to fit the trees. Two were maples, two oak, and one was a birch tree. It was in this last one that Haldir made his home, among the silver-white branches and the masses of golden-green leaves. Though he could keep little in his outdoor dwelling, it was the closest he had come to finding a mallorn near the sea. He felt a pull in his heart like that which others had when on the banks of the havens, yet his call was to Middle Earth, for never had he been compelled to travel here to Valinor.

It was his brothers, and his sister before them, who had convinced him to sail. All the while he watched when the ship pulled from shore until all traces of Mithlond disappeared into the mist. The few possessions which he had brought were kept in the First Homely House, the home of his siblings, their spouses, and children. Twice additions had been built, and it would likely continue to grow with the coming years. The tree dwellings were used on occasion when one fancied a romp in a tree or to sleep under the stars. One belonged to each of the siblings; the fifth was unofficially for their parents when they visited, though it had not yet been used. More than anything, they served as the lookouts for the few ships that now found their way to the undying lands. Haldir had taken this task upon himself to fill his time now that he no longer was required to guard forests and hunt orcs.

He approached his pseudo-mallorn, reaching for the rope that swayed in the breeze near the trunk. From the roof of the house he heard the voices of his nephews, chattering away about this and that into the night. No doubt Celebdreth and the twins were stargazing this evening. His eyes wandered to look into the lower windows of the Homely House. Candlelight glimmered in them, and he could see the movement of shadows against the curtains. His heel turned him now in the direction of the main entrance. The doors were unlocked, as was usual, but also propped open, letting the autumn breeze flow through the hall and down the corridors. He found his way through the house, following the sounds of laughter into the main parlor. Lounging on the couch were Rumil and Nenniach, the latter holding a quill and a folded piece of parchment, while Orophin sat in one of the greatly oversized chairs with Valarda perched on his lap. Celebrian was in the rocker, feet drawn up, resting her chin on her knees. Her expression was one of deep concentration. Elrond sat cross-legged on the floor in front of a large sack. In his hand, he held a mostly concealed square tile. A pile of them lay discarded nearby.

Haldir now understood why he had not been summoned to this gathering. He was familiar with this game, and in some ways, it always saddened him that he could not play. He quietly found a comfortable spot on the rug and leaned back against the wall.

"All I'm getting is red," mumbled Celebrian, looking to the crystalline time keeper on the table. It was fast running out of sand, and as the last grains slipped through, she finally decided on, "It's…it's an apple?"

Elrond frowned and revealed the tile. The other side showed a bright yellow canary. Celebrian rolled her eyes. "Why ever were you thinking of the color red?"

"I wasn't," defended Elrond. "I think you must be picking up on the thoughts of someone else, my dear." He scanned the room, and it wasn't long before Orophin couldn't contain his smile any longer. Celebrian pulled off her slipper and shot it at her brother.

"That really should be counted as cheating," Nenniach said disdainfully. On the big comfy chair, Orophin was getting repeatedly slapped in the shoulder.

"We're losing, and you're wasting your energy goofing around instead of trying to help us win?" Valarda finished her assault and then marched up to the table to take Elrond's place. "Hello, Hirband Arabeleg."

Haldir nodded, not in the mood for banter with his sister-in-law this evening. "Who's winning?"

"No one yet." Nenniach held up the sheet where the score was tallied. "We're tied with Elrond and Celebrian, while Orophin and Valarda are decidedly losing." Nenniach retrieved the time keeper and approached Haldir. "Care to keep score?"

Grateful for the invitation to participate in some way, Haldir took the timer, quill, and score sheet, setting them out before him. He looked up at Valarda expectantly. She reached into the bag and dug through the tiles until she was satisfied and nodded to Haldir. He flipped the timer over and Valarda pulled one of the white clay pieces from the sack. Focusing on the picture painted upon it, she then looked over to Orophin, who had one of his rare, serious looks. For the next minute, the pair seemed to try to connect to one another, Valarda with a look of determination; Orophin appearing more desperate as the time ran out. "A duck. A duck, a brown one."

Valarda's shoulders slumped. "Oro! I almost think you want to lose."

Orophin let his chin rest on his hand, propped on his knees by his elbows and gave a shrug. "Not a duck, then, love?"

"You were close, Oro, brown ducks live in the same general area as white stags. You shouldn't feel too bad about that." Haldir scribbled something onto the sheet and looked up to find six pairs of eyes staring at him, from faces with open mouths. "What?" They now turned to look at Valarda, who turned the tile to face them all in bewilderment. An outline of a stag leaping across the clay could clearly be seen. "Oh. Sorry."

"How. In. Arda." Orophin took another look at his brother, then to his wife, then narrowed his eyes at his brother again. "Is there something I should know?"

"Orophin!" Valarda threw the tile at the wall near the chair, successfully smashing it and raining Orophin with tiny pieces of clay and particles of dust. Elrond leaned over and grabbed the remaining bag of tiles. "Not in my house," he boomed, and silence fell upon the room.

"Celebrian picked up on your thoughts," Elrond finally said to Orophin.

"Celebrian is my sister," hissed Orophin.

"I wasn't reading her thoughts, Oro." Haldir stood, handing the timer and such to Nenniach. "It just came to me." He turned to leave, but as he reached the door, he heard Elrond clear his throat. Haldir looked over his shoulder to see the elf holding up one of the tiles, bag clutched in his opposite hand. Haldir looked at the blank side that faced him, closed his eyes, and said, "It is a ship. With black sails." He opened his eyes to see the tile turned. Elrond handed the bag to Celebrian. She drew out another tile. "A dragon. And it is yellow." The bag made its way around the room, the only sound being Haldir's announcements. "An orange sunset. Cake, with blue icing. A…purple rabbit?"

Orophin cocked his head as he looked at the picture. "I would have called it a purple bunny, but I suppose we'll have to give you the points for it."

"Halli." Rumil's voice was soft, a little in awe. "Halli, how are you doing that?"

Haldir shook his head. "I don't know." His throat was dry, and fear washed over him. How was he doing this? He watched as Elrond took the bag once again, placing a number of the tiles face down on the floor. Haldir stared at them, and shook his head again.

"Concentrate," suggested Celebrian. Haldir concentrated. He saw nothing, and told them so. Slowly, Elrond flipped each tile over. He had pulled all of the blank tiles from the bag. "You are your mother's son," Elrond said quietly, scooping all of the tiles, minus the unbroken one, into the bag. Haldir said nothing, standing quietly in the doorway as the others in the room gathered drinks and empty plates, leaving for their rooms. Orophin left last, giving his older brother an apologetic look.

Haldir did not leave to return to his tree. He spent the next few hours in the big chair, looking down at the shattered tile, still on the floor. The fire died as the night wore on, candles burned to their ends. In the darkness, he saw a pair of figures pass under the window. He heard them climb the stairs and enter the house, only one of them continuing through to the parlor. The room became brighter, due to the glow of the elleth who had entered. Galadriel glided into the room and knelt down before her son, taking both his hands into hers. "It has been difficult for you."

Unexpectedly, Haldir's entire body began to tremble, and he bowed his head as tears began to fall. Galadriel stood, pulling Haldir up with her, and led him across the room.

Celeborn had been waiting in the hall for a goodly amount of time. Long enough to examine all of the paintings on the walls, tisk at the hideous plant stand near the door, and poke his toe under a desk to chase out a few dust bunnies. He finally made his way to the room his wife had disappeared into.

He had not questioned it when she woke him in these early morning hours, had not asked where they went to, nor why when they had entered. But the old elf was bored, and a little disgruntled that he had been awoken for reasons other than he had hoped. He strode into the parlor, finding a mother and son scene he had not seen since Rumil was an elfling.

Galadriel sat in the rocking chair, her feet moving in a slow rhythm to keep the momentum going. Haldir clung to her, still letting out sobs now and then, his head buried into her shoulder, legs haphazardly bent over the arm of the chair. Galadriel stroked his hair, whispering words to soothe him.

"And…and I called out to you, but I couldn't. I couldn't…couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe," he hiccupped, stumbling through his words.

"I know. I know you did. I heard you, little one, I heard you." Her face was not dry either, noted Celeborn, as he approached them.

"And I was afraid. I was so afraid."

"We were all afraid, little one. We all hid our fears."

"But…but I shouldn't have…shouldn't have been. I was…I was the Captain," he sniffled, adding quietly, "I was ashamed of myself."

Galadriel closed her eyes, and Celeborn could feel that she was upset. Upset at herself for not seeing this sooner. For not catching Haldir's deterioration since his arrival in Valinor, since the battle at Helm's Deep. "Even the bravest, even the wisest, even the most powerful were afraid. There is no shame in that."

"But I am full of fear again." Haldir raised his head to look at her through swollen eyes. "You know what happened tonight."

Galadriel nodded.

"It has been happening more and more, ever since I reached these shores." Haldir swallowed, his breathing slowing to its normal pace. "I want it to stop."

Galadriel looked at him sadly, wiping his tears away. "It is not going to stop. It is a gift from the Valar."

"It is a curse," he corrected her. "Why now? Why does this happen now? If it is a gift, why was it not granted earlier? I might have saved Dinendal, if only I had known he had hidden and come along to Rohan, I would have known and he wouldn't be... It wouldn't be my fault."

"Dinendal's death was not your fault," admonished Galadriel sternly. "You did so much for him, taking him into your home. Being a father to him, a father who loved him."

"Then why was he taken from me?" sobbed Haldir. "I don't want this 'gift' now. I am still healing from things past, I can not deal with this."

"You will not have to accept your fate alone. We will all help you."

"I do not want help," Haldir said firmly, but it was difficult for his parents to take him seriously while he still sat on his mother's lap, clinging to her.

"You never have." Celeborn ran his hand over his son's cheek, then kissed him on the brow. "You get that from me."

- - - -

Haldir weaved his way through the trees to the First Homely House, a rope under his arm and a sack over his shoulder. He stopped at the edge of the house, and whistled sharply. Three heads appeared over the side from the roof.

"Uncle Haldir!"

"Great to see you!"

"What's with the rope?"

"It's the stairs to your new hideout." He threw the coil into the air to his nephews, and all three reached out to grasp it and pull it up.

"Where are you going?"

"You aren't leaving us, are you?"

"It would be such a bore without you."

"I'll be in here if you're looking for me." Haldir nodded in the direction of the front doors.

"Does this have to do with Grandmother?"

"Did Ada finally convince you to live in the house?"

"Nana said you're seeing things, but without a mirror."

"A little bit yes, and a little bit no. Now get off of the roof, I promised the Lord of the House that no further shingles would be damaged if I was able to impart my tree to you." Haldir watched the trio scamper down the side of the house and run to the tree after a round of 'thank yous'.

Haldir stepped inside the house, closing the door behind him. There was something warm and cozy about the house now that he entered, something he hadn't felt other times. Something that told him he was finally home.

He made his ascent up the stairs, pausing on the third floor landing. The hallway went straight to Elrond and Celebrian's rooms, and also left, to what would be Haldir's domain. The elf slowly walked past framed maps on the walls next to drawings Elladan, Elrohir, and Arwen had drawn as elflings. He opened the door to his room, and peered cautiously in.

Celebrian had been ecstatic when Haldir asked if he could live in the house – a decision prompted by Galadriel and Celeborn, who had otherwise threatened to kidnap him in the night and force him to live under their roof. It was too true that he had hidden himself away, practically turning into a hermit. The loss of his troops at Helm's Deep had affected him greater than any could have thought. It was the final blow to centuries of loss, between wardens of the march, and so many he met in his travels – elf, man, hobbit, and even dwarf. The final straw had been Dinendal, a young elf who had been thrown from his home and adopted by Haldir. His death had been the most difficult for Haldir, though he masked his grief from both family and friends. For the past few night he had allowed himself to mourn the loss, and though it did not end his grief, it provided for a new beginning. Haldir found his sister now, shifting things around in the room - adjusting the spread on the bed, the books on the desk.

"You didn't have to fuss so much over me," he mumbled, setting his sack of belongings from his tree down on the desk gingerly.

Celebrian pulled Haldir into an embrace and then led him around the bedroom, the bathroom, the lounge, office, and porch. "Elrond is planning another series of rooms to be built in the future, so if these aren't to your liking-"

"Clebri, they are perfect." The walls had been repainted with a golden hue, and large silver-grey rugs covered the floors where polished white wood did not peek out. What few things he had been storing in the attic were now placed about the room. Celebrian hugged him once again, then bid him to explore his rooms further, as well as the rest of the house, before she left.

Haldir sat down on the edge of the bed carefully – it had been some time since he'd slept in one and not on the hard pads found on the flets. It was soft and wonderful he decided as he sunk his hands into the downy blue spread that covered it. He turned down the covers, concluding his first goal in the First Homely House would be to take a nap. He found a lumpy package tucked under the pillows, and pulled it out to examine it.

It was squishy, not well wrapped, and oddly shaped. Cautiously, he removed the paper and ribbon that tied it together, revealing a plush purple rabbit.

Bunny.

Same difference.

- - - -

Elrohir made his way up the steps, Elladan on his heels. They had offered to retrieve Uncle Haldir for supper, but waited until Celebdreth was busy with his own errand before doing so.

"Do you think he found it?"

"I couldn't have made it any more obvious without Nana seeing it."

Elrohir opened the door slightly, and the twins shifted their gaze around the room until they saw what they were looking for. Haldir, sleeping peacefully, one arm holding the purple rabbit protectively.

"He likes it."

"It turned out nice."

"What can I say, we should have been tailors." Elladan crept back down the hall as Elrohir shut the door. 


	2. Celebrian's Wish

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

It was a night like nearly any other. The entire family had gathered outside for supper, the twins and Celebdreth excusing themselves at the first chance to cavort in one of the greater cities. After dinner, everyone else had retired to the parlor. Rumil entertained for some time, singing songs of battle and histories and love. After none too long, and after a particularly erotic selection, he and Nenniach had made a hasty exit.

Orophin did his best to entertain next. His lyrical contributions prompted Haldir to pull out his flute and Celebrian to retrieve her harp, their attempts to try to cover his caterwauls doing nothing to daunt him. Halfway through a Vanya folksong, Valarda had practically wretched Orophin from his seat, and the two apologized for their retreat, Orophin mumbling something incoherent, but obviously dirty as he was kicked on their way out.

Now as Celebrian and Haldir finished the piece without the off-key vocalizations, Elrond offered to read from a book of poems. The book was passed throughout the room, the occupants selecting their favorites. It was just as Celeborn was reciting a few verses that Celebrian slid a sideways look at Elrond. The half-elf pretended not to notice it in an attempt to be respectful to his in-laws still present. Celebrian left her usual spot in the rocker as Celeborn read, sitting down next to her husband on the couch.

Haldir tossed a glance up to his mother, flute long since put away. He was sitting on the floor, holding apart a skein of yarn, while she wrapped it into a tight ball. She, too, pretended not to take note of her daughter's behavior, but her smile said otherwise. Haldir looked back to the couple on the couch. Celebrian had faked a yawn, drawing her arms high over her head, before letting the left one settle behind Elrond's back. He didn't so much as blink.

Celeborn ended his reading, then offered the book to his wife, who shook her head. He held it out to Haldir, who raised his occupied hands in response. Looking across the room, Celeborn met Elrond's gaze, and cast the book to the half-elf. Celebrian leaned forward suddenly and caught it easily in midair.

Celebrian flipped through the pages, finally finding the selection she wanted. This was all a great accomplishment, considering her left arm had never left its place behind Elrond's back. Aloud, she read:

Little elfling, 'tis time for bed.  
The stars, they twinkle overhead.  
Little elfling, in his tree,  
The leaves, they whisper 'Reverie'.

Little elfling, shall I tuck you in?  
The rocks, they keep you safe within.  
Little elfling, in his cave,  
The winds, they whisper to be brave.

Little elfling, this kiss doth cast a spell.  
The valleys, they keep you hidden well.  
Little elfling, in his home,  
Rest now until the morning come.

Celebrian sighed sadly, turning her gaze to a slightly worried Elrond. "Is something the matter, my dear?" he asked.

Celebrian nodded. "We don't have any little elflings to tuck into bed anymore."

"Perhaps you might convince Elladan and Elrohir to let you tuck them in tonight?" suggested Elrond.

"They aren't elflings anymore, my darling." Celebrian let the book close and fall to the couch, using her now free hand to turn Elrond to face her. "Arwen is not coming. I have accepted that. I have not yet accepted that I will be without a daughter in Valinor."

Elrond made an attempt to speak, but a barely audible sound somewhere between a squeak and a squawk came out. Elrond looked to the floor at his brother-in-law. The broad-shouldered elf was discretely ignoring everyone in the room, staring at the floor. Less so, Haldir was mouthing some sort of prayer to the Valar for letting him lead a life alone. It figured that he wouldn't get any help from him.

Celeborn had the same idea, and was up from his seat, exploring the shelves of books. His back was turned strategically toward the group and was shaking a bit. In laughter, most likely, thought the half-elf. Elrond looked in desperation at his last resort. Galadriel was still rolling her yarn, and without leaving her task or looking up, directed her comment to Celeborn, who turned around as she spoke. "I would so love to have an elfling in the house." She paused, now dramatically letting her eyes meet Celeborn's. "Perhaps two. I only carried one of our children."

Celeborn's face fell, and his mirthful look was immediately replaced with wariness. "Five children? Isn't that a bit much, love?"

"On the contrary, five is an excellent number," Galadriel smiled dreamily. "I was the youngest of five. Besides, I must say, I miss the times we spent trying to have dear Haldir. Locking ourselves away in our tree, romping in the garden. Long, overindulgent trips to the warm springs…"

Celebrian suddenly removed her hand from Elrond's shoulder. It flew to cover her mouth. "I swam in those springs as a child," she whispered to herself, then glanced at Haldir. "Before you came along. Right before you came along."

"Do not fret, dear. We were always careful to clean things up before we moved to the next place," Galadriel assured her.

"The next place?"

"Oh, of course." Galadriel's face took on that dreamy look again. "Your father is quite the hearty stallion. It was not unlike him to make love to me three, sometimes four times a day during that time. And at night…" her voice trailed off.

Celebrian was quite pale as she jumped off from the couch. "Ai, oh, ew, Nana….yrrlll." Celebrian shivered. "I…I need a drink." Celebrian marched herself from the room, shuddering as she left.

Celeborn, still frozen in place by the bookcase, now let out a long, labored breath. "I think I shall see if our daughter…if she needs…I'm leaving," He finally settled on, following in the direction Celebrian had gone.

Elrond closed his eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

Galadriel nodded, her attention back to her yarn again. "You will have to discuss the matter with her in the future, but I think you are safe for this evening."

"And…and Lord Celeborn?" Elrond had seen little that could frighten the older elf, and watched as Galadriel shrugged off the question.

"Lord Celeborn is my responsibility. I shall set records straight with him when and if I see fit to. Besides," Galadriel turned to Haldir, still on the floor, "you would not mind another sister or brother, would you?"

"Of course not," Haldir said matter-of-factly, "but only if I get to name them."

"You've done well with names in the past, I see no reason in breaking with tradition." Galadriel sat back, truly thoughtful now. "Celebrian has given me much to think about this night."

Elrond used the pause that followed to excuse himself from the room. As the last of the yarn unwound from Haldir's hands, he stood, then looked at his mother, a somewhat questioning look on his face, as if he wanted to ask something, but feared the answer. When she finally acknowledged him, he simply said, "Hearty Stallion? Was that truly necessary?"

Galadriel smiled, and it turned to a grin. "You should hear the pet names your father has for me."

"I shall thank you not to tell them to me. I expect enough nightmares tonight from what I have heard." Haldir stretched his arms above his head, making a noise something between a purr and a growl as the ever-present pain in his back alleviated itself somewhat. "I think I shall turn in."

"Shall I tuck you in? Help chase your nightmares away?"

Haldir smiled and nodded. He offered his arm to his mother, walking with her through the long hallway to the stairs. In the kitchen, they spied the warm glow of candles. Father and daughter were drinking, something stronger than wine from the smell, and comparing the advantages and disadvantages of marriage to a powerful elf. Galadriel pretended not to notice. Continuing to the second floor, all was quiet – his brothers and their spouses likely asleep by now. On the third floor, the door to Elrond's room was ajar – a subtle invitation to Celebrian.

They made it halfway to the suite of rooms Haldir occupied, stopping when they came to a series of framed pictures of birds drawn with oversized feet and heads. The signature in the corner was unmistakable. Haldir studied the creatures sadly, turning to look at his mother when he found her looking at him. He shifted uncomfortably – it was still difficult for him, being a grown elf, and yet shorter not only than his younger siblings, but than his parents as well. "You miss her."

"As we all do," he replied.

"You miss her more." It was an observation more than an accusation, but Haldir did not see it this way.

"I never had, nor would I have, done anything improper."

Galadriel simply nodded. "I know this. But you did love her." Haldir looked to the floor in disgrace. "Do not be ashamed. No one thinks less of you for it. My own uncle lusted for me, but was not so much as civilized as are you."

"I did not lust for my niece," said Haldir bitterly. "I admit that I wrongly loved her, aye, but never lust."

"Love, my dear, is never wrong." Galadriel hugged her son closer. "I never worried about you, dear one. I knew you well, understood your morals. It was your brother whom I feared for."

"Orophin?" guessed Haldir.

Galadriel nodded once again. "His thoughts drifted to his sister more than I would have liked. But that is over now. Now, I worry about you." She smoothed his hair back behind his ears, kissing him on the forehead. "Do not grieve, Haldir. Do not fade for her."

Haldir smiled weakly. "Do not worry yourself. I will not fade. I know she has been happy and will be happy," he said, hating to lie, and hating even more at how easily it came. He returned the kiss to his mother's cheek. "I am tired. I wish to retire."

Slowly, they found their way into Haldir's room. The elf kicked off his boots, removed his tunic, and crawled into bed. Galadriel hoped he would stop wearing his Galadhrim uniform all of the time as if orcs would suddenly come crawling to the shores of Valinor or from the trees of the mainland. She bent down, drawing the covers up, careful not to disturb the plush rabbit occupying the other side of the bed. "Rest well," she told him, kissing him again.

Haldir reached his arms up, embracing her tightly. "Please, do not worry yourself over me."

Galadriel nodded as Haldir's arms slipped back down to the bed. She turned to go, and at the door, turned back upon hearing a soft coughing. "One thing more?" asked Haldir. "Please, never use the words 'hearty' and 'stallion' together in the same sentence while I am within range of hearing." Galadriel smiled, closing the door behind her. 


	3. Morning After

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

"Are those the plans for the house?" Celebrian asked, peering over her husband's shoulder.

Elrond nodded. "The annex will be through the minor hall on the first and second floor. I have yet to contemplate the third floor, or whether it would be necessary to build that far. Instead of building against the side of the house as it stands now, a walkway will run for twelve feet, opening to a patio and gardens on either side."

Celebrian nodded, tracing where Elrond had pointed to. "I think you've missed something."

Both Elrond and Rumil began to search the plans. "I do not see anything amiss," said Rumil.

"I definitely think you've missed something," Celebrian told them in earnest.

When a second search came up fruitless, Haldir cleared his throat. He had been sitting on the window seat of the kitchen where the plans were spread – the room had the largest available table, and the best lighting. "She's talking about the nursery," he told them before he sipped his tea.

"We didn't plan to have a nursery in the expansion," Elrond said, a little too suddenly he realized. Celebrian looked away, very hurt. "Perhaps we can find some extra space somewhere to fit one."

"It should be on the same floor as our rooms," Celebrian said, matter-of-factly.

"Well, yes, of course it should." Elrond studied the plans, shaking his head. "But as it stands, there is no good place to add on to on the third floor with the way the rooms the boys are in are situated." Elrond had come to grouping his nephew with the twins, collectively referring to Celebdreth, Elrohir, and Elladan as simply 'the boys'.

"What if they were to move into the annex when it is completed? Then we could use the space across the hall for the nursery."

"There isn't any room in the annex for all three of them," Rumil informed him. "Between the space Orophin and Valarda will be in and the rooms I have planned for Nenniach and I, they would need to split up."

"What of the rooms they are vacating? What purpose will those serve?" Celebrian raised her brows, waiting for the answer.

Elrond's answer was somewhat forced. "When my advisors make it over the sea, I want for them to have a place to come to."

Celebrian frowned a bit. "You can not know they will come. So many have decided to remain. Few boats will sail yet to Valinor."

"They will come." Haldir found himself taking less answers from logic and more from instinct and feeling in the past few years since he had moved into the First Homely House. "My suspicion is that Erestor has yet to pack up the entirety of the Library of Imladris, and that Glorfindel has yet to build a boat big enough to haul it all here. Though I admit that theory is based upon what the twins tell me, still, they will come."

"So we will need to fit them into the house." Celebrian scanned the large sheets that showed the addition to the house. "We could always tell Nana and Ada they will have to wait until the next set of rooms are added until they have a room to stay here."

"Certainly not," Elrond replied curtly. The last time Galadriel and Celeborn had stayed the night, Celebrian offered their room to her parents. She then evicted Haldir (and his rabbit) to the couch in the parlor. However, Elrond found he couldn't sleep knowing his inlaws were in his bed. So downstairs he had gone, only to find that Haldir's back bothered him if he tried to lay on the couch, so the pair stayed up through the night drinking and swapping war stories. The next morning found them drunker than dwarves at a wedding, singing a rousing and modified version of "Tra-La-La-Lally", while trying to make lembas. Soon after, the edict to include a room for Galadriel and Celeborn in the plans was passed unanimously.

"Then where are we going to put the nursery?" demanded Celebrian.

"Celebrian. Darling." Elrond settled his elbows on the table and let his head sink into his hands. "I know the years here have been long for you. I know you wish for a child. I do not think I am ready for that yet."

"You could move the boys into Orophin's rooms, split their room into two for Erestor and Glorfindel when they arrive, give Nana and Ada Rumil's suite, and annex my office to use as the nursery." Haldir turned from his watch at the window. "Or, you could convince Orophin to stay where he is, place the nursery on the ground level, and put Nana and Ada into the new rooms…"

"Haldir, we would not take your office from you," Celebrian told him.

"Why not? I don't really use it." He sipped his tea again. "Though, the nursery really should be on the first floor…"

Elrond looked up at the elf in the window. "If you have some inside information that compels you to want a nursery, O Oracle of the First Homely House, please share it with us."

Haldir blinked at them innocently. "It is just the most practical place to put it." His gaze turned back to what was going on outside as he mused to himself, "And truly, we shall be needing one…"

Elrond let his hands fly down, slapping the top of the table. "Why shall we be needing one?"

Feigning surprise, Haldir looked back at the occupants of the kitchen. "I'm sorry. Has she not told you?" Slowly, he drank the rest of his tea, letting his gaze wander to Celebrian. Her look went from one of perplexion to soft and somewhat demure.

"I have not told him," she said. "I had hoped my hints were enough."

Elrond, slightly shocked, looked first to Celebrian. "But we…but only just last night…" He drew her down to sit on his lap. "It is so sudden – not that I am not thrilled, but…" Looking up into her eyes, he asked, "Are we ready for this?"

Celebrian nodded. "Yes. I think we are. I think we need this, to help us heal." It took a few minute for the Lord of the House to contemplate, but finally, he smiled, and nodded as well.

"Then we shall have to find a spot for the nursery." Elrond and Rumil set about scanning the plans again. "If you truly could part with your office, Haldir, it would work well."

"Consider it yours. Or little whomever they may be's. You should still keep the idea of putting it on the first floor in mind." Haldir's attention was caught by something in the window and he grinned. "Excuse me. I shall return."

Darting out of the room, Haldir began to cross the lawn to the trees. A sharp whistle behind him alerted him that someone had followed him from the house. He doubled back, finding Celebrian at the steps. "Why did you do that? Now he thinks we are having another elfling! What am I to do?"

Haldir led her away from the house to the beach, where the waves covered their voices. "Last night, I awoke to some most interesting noises." Celebrian blushed as Haldir continued. "Although he was quite willing to engage in such activity, right after he seemingly upset you, I think he would have become more guarded the more he thought things through. He's not an idiot, he knows where elflings come from." He received a punch in the shoulder for this, but continued. "Now that he thinks you indeed are carrying a child, he isn't going to stop and think. You may not be housing my future niece or nephew at the moment, but very soon, you will be." He was punched again, harder this time.

"Alright, Haldir, but if this arrow backfires…"

"It will not."

"Thank you. I do not know if I would have convinced him otherwise."

"You are welcome. It is a trick I picked up from Erestor." Haldir received a puzzled look from Celebrian, and he explained as they continued their stroll. "He once wanted a new stable built because the old one had a stench that could not be gotten rid of. Not horses, but as if something had died and affixed itself to the walls – this was when we were children," he added, seeing that Celebrian was trying to place the event. "When Elrond told him it was impossible, Erestor went out to the forest with a piece of wood from the stable, collected termites, and brought it to the council meeting. He merely tossed the half-eaten plank on Elrond's desk, and a month later, Imladris had a new barn." Haldir stopped, looked at the house, and looked back to his sister. "What he does not know will not hurt him."

Celebrian nodded slyly. "And the nursery?"

"I think he is going to build one for you. You just have to fill your end of the bargain."

Another punch in the arm. "No, you smug dog, why should it be on the first floor?"

Haldir opened his mouth, then shut it, catching a glimpse of someone near the trees. "Another time. You should really be helping them plan the room, else, they might…paint it orange or something." Haldir walked Celebrian briskly up to the house. "And the first floor. Try to get it on the first floor."

"Why the first floor?" pleaded Celebrian one last time.

"Because I really like my office." Haldir shooed her inside, before turning and jogging to the trees, a huge grin forming on his face.

Galadriel pretended to be interested in the bark of the birch as Haldir approached. She smiled, said nothing, and shyly came to him. "I have thought of a name," he told her, then, placing one hand upon her abdomen, he used the other to cup around his mouth as he whispered it softly into her ear.

"Thank you. It is beautiful."

"Do you like it then?" Haldir asked eagerly.

Galadriel nodded. "I think she will like it, too," she said, placing her hand over his. 


	4. Name of the Game

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

The first homely house seemed packed beyond capacity during the past few days. It wasn't that there were more elves living in it than usual, save for the fact that Galadriel and Celeborn were this week among those inhabiting the house. It wasn't that there was a lack of rooms, for even with the ex-Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood being in the three-story home, only Haldir was displaced, and he had taken up temporary residence in the 'bachelor pad', the suite of rooms that the twins and Celebdreth shared. It wasn't that the house had shrunk, or that the rooms were cluttered, or anything at all unnatural.

It was that it was raining.

For many days, in fact, water had fallen lightly atop the roof and slid down the windows. It was, of course, necessary, and so no one complained. Rain was rarely ever harsh here in Valinor, and one need not fear that it would give way to a terrible storm or cause flooding to occur. But the rain, once it began, did not stop for quite a spell, and so the family had been confined inside the house.

"Your move, Oro." The three brothers sat in the main parlor, a Valasaila board on the table between Rumil and Orophin. Haldir was lounging in a chair off to the side, lying across it sideways so that his shoulders were against one of the arms and his legs draped over the other. A stuffed purple rabbit kept watch of the game from the top of the chair back.

Orophin scanned the board, eyeing up various sections. He had never much enjoyed this Noldorian strategy game, but there was little else he hadn't already done since the rains began. Orophin glanced up at Rumil's raised brows and look of fake indifference, knowing he had lost already. "A little help, Haldir. The vast empire of Oro-Land is soon to be laid waste to by the forces of the Rumil-Empire."

Haldir did not move, did not look up, nor did he even open his eyes. For the better part of three hours, they had played, and Haldir was content to keep track of the game in his mind while he listened to the melody of the rain. "Sacrifice your capitol. Move back your troops to the borders, and then…" He contemplated a few things, hands folded across his chest, arms drooped lazily at his sides. A slow smile emerged on his face as he changed his strategy. "Disregard my former advice. Evacuate your cities, cut your troops across the whole of Rumil's forces."

"Haldir, that's suicide!" Orophin scanned the board, counting his troops versus Rumil's. "He has me outnumbered three to one."

"I once fought in a battle where we were outnumbered one hundred to one. Cut his lines, Orophin," advised Haldir again.

Orophin scowled, and looked at Rumil, briefly catching a worried look in the youngest brother's eyes. "Well, then, it seems I am still taking orders from my captain." Orophin dutifully repositioned his game pieces to split Rumil's forces.

Ten minutes later, the game was over.

"Thank you, Hallidear," Rumil said as he scooped the remaining pieces off of the board and into the wooden tray they were held in.

Orophin's jaw dropped, and he turned in disbelief at his older brother. "You tricked me, you overgrown dwarf!"

Haldir shrugged, showing little emotion. "The rabbit made me do it."

Seconds later, Haldir was fending off the large blue throw pillow Orophin had decided to throttle him with, arms protecting his face as he chuckled, listening to Orophin's long list of outlandish insults. Orophin had made to reach for the rabbit after citing that the rabbit was evil, and Haldir had nearly fallen off of the chair as he struggled to grab the toy before Orophin did. "Hey! Be nice to Nibbles!" he laughed, tucking the rabbit under one arm protectively.

"Nibbles? You named it?" Orophin paused for a moment, pillow still raised above Haldir. "You named the stuffed rabbit. Unbelievable."

"What's wrong with Nibbles? It is a good name," defended Haldir.

"It is a good name," agreed Rumil, who was finishing up putting the game away.

Haldir nodded. "I've had so much practice since the first time I named someone."

The pillow came down again, and this time Haldir was caught off guard. Curling his legs and arms over the rest of his body, he continued to laugh at Orophin's verbal abuse until the beating abruptly stopped.

"Well, if you like laughing so much…" Orophin tossed the pillow aside with a wicked grin.

"Oro…" warned Haldir, rabbit still under one arm. He tried in the next second to escape, but his position on the chair had been precarious at best. He now found himself trapped, Orophin sitting on one of the arms, keeping Haldir's legs pinned down, while he tickled his older brother mercilessly. "Saes, Oro, Saes! Daro! Daro! Daro! Rumil!" Haldir's call was frantic, masked by his continuous laughter, and he turned his head enough to see that he had been deserted.

"It would seem Rumil is the best strategist of us all," Orophin said, "for he has well grasped the idea of retreat." He looked down at Haldir. "Do you yield?"

"Yield! Yield what?" Haldir was making an attempt to squirm over the side of the chair, but to no avail.

"Yield the rabbit! That evil bunny has cost me three games of Valasaila this week!" Orophin swiped at the rabbit, but Haldir clutched it even closer.

"You leave Nibbles out of this!" warned Haldir, sobering up a bit.

Orophin, a bit taken aback at Haldir's sudden change in attitude, moved back onto the floor. "Huh. You are way too attached to that thing."

"It isn't a thing. It's a rabbit."

"Yes. Ai, we really have to find you an elleth, brother." Orophin shook his head, then listened as he heard footsteps coming from down the hall. "Ah, our sister approaches." A few moments later, Celebrian peered into the room, then glided in, frowning when she saw the misshapen pillow on the floor.

"Good day, Celebrian, and how fairs the weather in your part of the house this afternoon?" asked Orophin, tossing the pillow to join it's less abused comrades on the couch.

"The weather is miserable in more ways than one. I need to speak with Haldir," she answered bluntly. Orophin cocked his head to the side, gave a nod, tried once more unsuccessfully to snatch the rabbit, and was gone from the room.

"Clebri?" Haldir repositioned himself on the chair, trying to smooth down his frazzled hair.

"It's been over a month, Halli."

Furrowing his brow, Haldir tried to think of what had gone on a month prior. Searching through past events, he remembered the conversation in the kitchen. "Oh. Then you're not-"

"Hush!" Celebrian leaned forward on the rocker she had sat upon. "I don't want to take the chance Elrond will hear!" she hissed. Haldir nodded, and Celebrian leaned back in the chair once more.

"Well, this could be a problem, then." Haldir thought a bit. "The two of you…I mean, you have been…well, I do live in the next room.," he finally settled on, and now dodged the blue pillow as it was thrown at him.

"Of course. It's not for want of trying, believe me." Celebrian crossed her arms, fuming a bit. "We're like…like…well, excuse me for saying, but we're like rabbits up there, and still nothing."

Haldir nodded once more, placing Nibbles back behind him on the chair back. "Maybe you just have to relax. Maybe you're trying too hard."

"How can I relax, Halli? I lied to him to get him to build a nursery that will have no use here in the house." Celebrian narrowed her eyes at Haldir's mirthful expression. "And what, dear brother, is so funny about that."

"Well, I do not want to be the one to ruin a surprise," he began mischievously, "but whether you have a child or no, the room will still be well used."

Celebrian sat quiet for a moment. "Who is it?" she finally demanded.

Haldir shook his head, grinning.

"Tell me, or you'll get tickled again," warned Celebrian.

"Oh no, I will not be the one to announce this news."

Celebrian drummed her fingers on the side of the rocker. "I'll just have to ask around then."

Haldir narrowed his eyes, still grinning. "Maybe they don't want everyone to know."

"Maybe you shouldn't have opened your big, fat mouth."

Brother and sister glared at each other, mindful of the other's movements. Celebrian glanced at the doorway, unguarded, and took off for the second floor. Haldir was on her heals, grabbing at her dress in an attempt to slow her down. Up the stairs, around the hall to the second flight, and up again they went, the pounding of their feet accentuated by the pounding of the rain. On the third floor, Celebrian dashed for the door to the bachelor pad, triumphantly throwing the unlocked door open.

Four sets of eyes looked up from the card game they were playing. Only Elrohir had the decency to hide his cards in his lap. Celebrian gawked at the pictures that were visible on the cards that were turned up on the table.

"Good day, my daughter." Celeborn was sitting comfortably in one of the chairs around the small oak table, glass of wine in front of him. "Did you come to play cards?" When he received no answer, he added, "If you wish, you can join us. We have room for another player." Both of the twins were blushing now, and Elladan was making an effort to strategically move the cards that were face up out of Celebrian's view.

Unable to avert her eyes from the table, Celebrian stepped forward, looking over the shoulders of her sons, who both glanced nervously at one another. To her horror, she heard herself ask, "What are you playing?"

"It's a variation on a card game played by men. Usually, they bet while they play, but I wouldn't think of taking anything from my grandsons, so it is more of a practice game. Besides, the cards themselves are reward enough," Celeborn decided, maneuvering the cards in his hand. Completely unashamed, he tossed two of the cards from his hand and motioned for Celebdreth to deal out the appropriate number of cards.

"I will save the discussion of what something of this nature is doing in my house for later," Celebrian said, though still unable to look at the faces of the elves around the table, looked up to the ceiling and asked, "does anyone know who in this house is with child?"

Elladan and Elrohir exchanged looks as if this was a trick question. "Uh, Nana? Aren't you the one with child?" Elrohir carefully stacked the cards, face down.

"I. Yes. Yes, I am. I meant, does anyone know who else in this house is with child?" It was Celebrian's turn to blush, and Haldir hid his snicker from where he was leaning against the frame of the door.

"Two elflings? In the same house?" Celeborn waggled his brow, tossing the rest of his cards onto the table. "It would seem I am to become a grandfather once again, and now, twice." Pushing back in his chair, he rubbed his chin. "I'm going to guess…Valarda. I know she and Orophin have sworn off elflings, but I expected one day they would change their minds."

"You're guessing? You mean you don't know?" Celebrian's shoulders slumped, and Celeborn frowned.

"You mean you don't know?" Celeborn looked at each of the other elves, each of them shrugging or shaking their heads. When his eyes settled finally on Haldir, the elf merely smiled.

"Ah, so the good Captain is not telling." Standing up now, Celeborn held out an arm for Celebrian. "Well, then let us find out for ourselves." Leading the procession, the elves left the suite and walked right across the hall to the rooms that Elrond and Celebrian shared. Celeborn knocked on the door abruptly. "Elrond?"

It was a few moments before the door opened. The Lord of the First Homely House had been partaking in a hobby he rarely felt he had time for, even now – pottery. Old linens were thrown across the floor under the wheel that stood past the elf in the door. His arms were covered to his elbows in slick, grey matter, though he was wiping them now, as well as the doorknob, with a ripped cloth. "Something the matter?"

"A question, and a moment of your time for you to answer it." Elrond nodded at Celeborn's request as he cleaned his hands, and the old elf continued. "Are you aware of the fact that you have more than one elleth under this roof expecting a child?" Elrond blinked, looking for a moment at Celebrian, then back to Elrond. "I shall take that as a nay."

Elrond removed the apron he had been wearing, tossing it and the clay-caked cloth near the potter's wheel, then went made his way past the other elves. "Who is it?" he asked, briskly making his way down the flight of stairs.

"Grandpapa guesses it is Orophin and Valarda," answered Elladan, bringing up the rear of the group, just in front of Haldir, the only elf lazily taking his time on the steps.

Elrond approached the door nearest the landing and rapped upon it. Inside, there was a bit of a scuffle, and Orophin slowly peeked around the door. "Yes?"

"Is there anything you want to mention to me?" Elrond asked.

Orophin looked past the half-elf, noting the crowd behind him. "Not that I can think of."

"Is there anything Valarda wants to mention to me?" Elrond asked.

A second later, the door was wretched open, and Valarda wiped her initial shock at the large group assembled from her face. Behind her, on the floor, a large sheet with large colored circles lay momentarily forgotten. "No. Is there something you want to mention to me?"

"You're not pregnant, are you?" blurted out Celebdreth, unable to deal with the suspense.

"By the Valar, no, I should hope not!" Valarda crossed her arms in front of her. "Who is spreading such filthy rumors?"

A few thumbs were tossed in Celeborn's direction, and the old elf shrugged. "It was only a guess."

"Not a very good guess, I might add," huffed Valarda.

"Well, there is someone who is going to have an elfling. Besides me!" Celebrian said, quite crossly when Valarda overemphasized pointing at her.

"Says who?" demanded Orophin. Everyone's head turned in the direction of Haldir, who was leaned up against the wall, next to the door leading to the rooms inhabited by Rumil and Nenniach.

"He told you, and he didn't tell me! Traitor! Both of you!" Orophin stormed from his room, and not bothering to knock, opened the door across the hall. "Rumil! You have a whole lot of explaining to do!"

Rumil looked up from the game, shocked at the sudden outburst from Orophin, but then again, not so shocked. Nenniach did not look phased in the least as she moved her knight across the board, capturing the rook. "Can I help you?" he asked, not a trace of emotion as he pushed a pawn forward in to the fray.

"When were you going to tell me you were expecting another child?" Orophin questioned, moving into the room. Rumil frowned, thought about this for a moment, then looked at Nenniach quizzically.

"Don't be silly, I'd have told you if we were expecting another one." Nenniach retrieved the knight, setting it back down on her side of the board. "Clearly, Orophin is in error."

"Well, someone is in error," Celeborn laughed. "Unless this is some sort of game Haldir is playing, there is someone in this house, other than Celebrian," he added, patting his daughter's hand, "that is going to have a baby. Now, ruling out the entire male population, for without a doubt we can, that leaves very few possibilities." He looked at Nenniach, who simply shook her head, then to Valarda, who adamantly shook hers. He gave a cold stare and a harsh frown at Haldir. "Enough of this, Haldir. Who is it? If this is some new foresight you have, truly, you should inform us all."

Haldir wiped the grin from his face, and stood silently. Finally, sighing, he said, "I promised her I would not tell."

Celeborn looked 'round the room again, then turned to leave. He was going to have to consult his wife about this. With Celebrian still at his side, and the rest now following behind, he took to the stairs, leading them down to the first floor. After looking through the kitchen, dining room, parlor, and all other ways, Celeborn entered into the hall once again, mystified as to where his wife had gone.

Outside, he heard the song of birds, and he lifted his head to look out the front doors, where sunlight streamed in. The rain had stopped, leaving the grounds damp and the plants shimmering. Through the window, he could make out an elf with long golden hair walking across the beach. "Galadriel." He smiled and swept past the others to the doors, then paused, as if a sudden realization had come to him. Over his shoulder he looked, eyes meeting Haldir's "Galadriel," he said again, softer now, then opened both of the doors to the outside, and made his way down the steps, leading the others behind him.

The sand was wet, not only from the crashing waves. An elleth, clad in flowing silver-white, walked barefoot along the shore, hair flowing behind her. She looked up, noticing those gathered on the porch, smiled at them, and then looked down, but not at the ground.

Celeborn began to approach slowly, but ended up running across the grass to the beach where his wife of so many long and wonderful years stood, hand outstretched to him. He took hold of her hand, then pulled her close, sealing his lips against hers as tears began to flow between them. As they broke for air, Galadriel brushed away the drops that glistened at the corners of Celeborn's eyes. A moment more, and she returned the greeting, each of them embracing the other. A collective sigh sounded from the porch.

"I have to say I was wondering about Nana. It had seemed as if she'd put on a bit of weight," whispered Orophin to Valarda. Rumil kicked him in the shin in warning.

Valarda nodded, whispering back, "It did seem as if she was a little more glowy than usual." 


	5. Structural Integrity

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

With two new arrivals expected in the First Homely House, Elrond and Rumil had come to a decision about the plans for the new addition: they just weren't going to work. Instead, Orophin had suggested another idea – the simple duplication of the house, attached via a walkway on the second floors, thereby doubling the size of the entire house. Rumil merely redrew the plans, in reverse, and once the area was staked off that would join the two buildings, the construction began. It wasn't as difficult to rebuild the house as building it the first time had been, now that more than two elves were working on it. It seemed an even more enjoyable task for Elrond and Celebrian. Even though they had more or less spent what could be equated to a second honeymoon building the First Homely House, the additional family members made the construction even more special.

It was an odd experience for the Lorien brothers, who could have built a habitable flet in the matter of a few hours, and one with all the amenities of tree life in less than a week. The small tasks involved in building the large structure either amazed them, or frustrated them.

"If the clay has to dry anyway," moaned Orophin in exasperation, "why don't we just make a big frame the size of the building and let it dry in shape? Wouldn't that take less time than making small ones and putting them all together later?"

Elrond proceeded to explain structural integrity.

"Instead of figuring out where the windows and doors are going to be now," suggested Haldir, "can we not just cut the holes in the wood and brick later when we decide where they are needed?"

Elrond proceeded to emphasize structural integrity.

"Instead of building a whole new house," Celebdreth said, "we should just build three more floors onto the old one."

Elrond proceeded to take a nap.

The majority of the work on the new house only took place while Elrond was available to oversee the project. In the meantime, smaller tasks, such as painting walls and setting the patio could be done now that the majority of the work had been completed. Many of the elves had grouped themselves into twos and threes and set off doing what they most enjoyed of the necessary jobs. When not working with Elrond, Celebrian would find herself helping Haldir, after finding he usually opted to do things on his own.

Today found them painting a large room on the north part of the new building's second story pale green, from floor to ceiling, with the ceiling staying white. They had worked from the top of the walls to the bottom, and were on opposite ends of the room, carefully finished the very bottom of the walls.

"Still not sure what I'm going to tell him when he realizes I'm not going to need the nursery," Celebrian said, interrupting the calm silence they had been working in.

"Still not sure what I'm going to tell him when he realizes you're not going to need the nursery." Haldir dipped his brush into the paint pot, letting the excess run back down to the bottom of it. "I lied to him first, I can't imagine him being thrilled about that."

"I don't want to keep lying to him. Honestly, Halli, do you see it or not? You keep telling me it is going to happen, but I just don't feel it."

Haldir carefully planned his answer, but didn't have a chance to respond. Above them voices were rising rapidly, and not in song or merriment. "Now what?" Haldir growled, letting the brush drop into the paint can. Celebrian followed him out of the room and up the stairs, where they found Rumil, Nenniach, Orophin, and Valarda in the hallway. "Nana and Ada?" Four heads nodded. Haldir walked past and through the doorway into the room where Celeborn and Galadriel were.

Celeborn was standing near the center of the room, arms crossed, and looking rather upset. Galadriel had elbows propped on the open space where a window would eventually go, head in her hands, leaning slightly out, still murmuring something rather uncomplimentary about her husband. 'At least I'm not walking into them yelling at each other like last time,' thought Haldir as he strategically entered the room and placed himself between them, careful not to be closer to one or the other. Nothing was said for some time until he offered the congenial, "It is a lovely day out."

"That is exactly what I was trying to tell her!" Celeborn thrust his arms in the direction of Galadriel, who turned to glare at Haldir. "It is a lovely day, and not one to be spent indoors. All I suggested is that we step out and have a picnic or something of that nature, even a simple walk along the beach."

Haldir looked over to his mother cautiously, noting her fists were now balled up at her sides, and her glare was focused on Celeborn. "All I pointed out was that if he would help us with this house half as much of the time he spends drinking in town with Thranduil, I would have the time to have a picnic or a walk." Her eyes narrowed. "Tell him what you said to that, darling."

'Not good,' thought Haldir, 'definitely not good.' He tossed a look over his back, noting that everyone else had stayed in the hall. Celeborn mumbled something, and Haldir turned his attention back to the conversation at hand. "Beg your pardon?"

"I told her it... I told her that we wouldn't-"

Celeborn was cut off by snort of disdain from Galadriel. "Go ahead, you were elf enough to say it to me, go ahead and say it to him."

Celeborn cleared his throat and started again. "I told her we wouldn't be stuck putting such a large addition on this house if she hadn't decided to have another child. And that she and I have a perfectly good house that never gets used just up the road and just once in the next year I'd like to see if we might actually make it back to our own bed for more than a week's time." There were a number of gasps from the hallway as Celeborn finished, and Galadriel turned back to the window.

"Well, that..." Haldir glanced over his shoulder again, expecting backup but finding none. "That was very rude. And mean. It's not like she could just go and get pregnant all by herself, Ada!" Haldir stopped himself momentarily, surprised at the tone of his own voice. "And there isn't very much you can do about it now, either."

"Tell him what you told me we should do about it."

Celeborn rolled his eyes. "I wasn't serious."

"Tell him," snapped Galadriel, but she didn't allow him the chance to speak. "He suggested that we pray to the Valar to send it back."

"Send it back? I don't think you have that option." Haldir now found himself the recipient of an icy stare from Celeborn.

"Celeborn the Wise…you really don't sound very wise making comments like that," Galadriel added.

"Nana!" Haldir's eyes were wide with disbelief. "I can't say I agree with Adar's behavior, but I can understand now why he acts as he does! This is ridiculous. You spent thousands of years together, the two elves that I never thought I'd live to see raise voice against one another, the two elves that I thought loved each other more than any others. Truly, you are both insane." Both parents tried to protest, but Haldir raised a hand in either direction. "I've heard enough. This is stupid, and silly, and I'm not going to be a party to it. I'm going to go guard the Northern Fences."

"There are no Northern Fences. In Valinor," Celeborn said dryly.

Haldir's jaw twitched. He took a moment, not wanting to participate in the yelling portion of the discussion. "Then I shall find some." He walked from the room with as much grace as he could muster, considering the circumstances. He continued to walk down the hallway and around his siblings and in-laws that had been listening to the conversation.

"Where are you going to go, Haldir?" asked Orophin, placing a hand on his brother's arm as he walked to the stairs.

"To the Northern Fences," he said, as if it was as plain as anything.

"I shall accompany you," decided Rumil, following along. The others began to fall in line behind Haldir as they made their descent to the first floor, finding the twins and Celebdreth sanding the banister.

"Where is everyone going?" Celebdreth asked his father.

"Northern Fences," Rumil replied. Celebdreth exchanged confused looks with his cousins.

"Why?" he finally ventured as his mother passed.

"I did not hear it all, but your Grandfather is under the impression that the Valar can just 'send back' an elfling," Nenniach told him. Her son and nephews took up the rear of the procession.

- - -

"Explain to me again why I'm here and not in my bed." Elrond had wrapped his cloak around himself tightly, and was quite upset that he didn't have any hot tea or cider to drink. At the very least, brandy would do, but it seemed no one had the foresight to bring even that.

"Guarding the Northern Fences." Elladan looked once more at the tree they had found near the northernmost part of the shore.

Looked down once more at the tree.

From where he was sitting.

"Couldn't you have found something more substantial? Maybe a rock or, I don't know, an actual fence?" Elrohir drew up his knees, huddling closer to Elladan. "They call our house silly, and they don't even have a real fence to guard."

"How long are we staying out here, Captain?" questioned Elrond. "For although you seem to be content to feel the chill of the evening breeze, my sons and I are not."

"I believe he is trying to make a point to them." Celebrian placed an arm around Elrond and he sighed, tilting his head to rest against her shoulder. "You do have some sort of reason for all this, don't you?"

Haldir was at the front of the group, leaning on his bow, which was stuck straight up in the sand. The other elves sat around the tree, the moon's glow and reflection on the waters providing enough illumination for them. The First Homely House was still in sight, and Haldir had his eyes focused upon it. "That we are not going to stand for their arguments any longer. That we will not be chased out of the house by their bickering."

"Haldir, not to burst your bubble, but we were chased out of the house by their bickering," Valarda informed him.

Haldir digested this information, but said nothing in return. A pair of elves emerged from the First Homely House, and those guarding the 'Northern Fences' now began to stand.

As Celeborn and Galadriel approached, arm and arm, one would have mistaken this for the Golden Woods, by the regal way in which they walked across the sand, as if they had themselves summoned those by the tree and were coming now to greet them. They slowed as they approached, and Galadriel nodded to Celeborn, motioning that he should speak first if he desired. The elf lord opened his mouth to speak.

"Daro!" Haldir lifted his bow from out of the ground, and took a few steps in their direction. "You are forbidden to enter these woods."

Celeborn closed his mouth, looking to the left, then to the right. Galadriel nudged him, and nodded toward the seedling.

"Wait just a moment!" Orophin pushed forward, shoving Haldir behind him. "You left the forest and went to Greenwood. You forfeited your title as Captain of the Golden Woods. I get to call the shots on the Northern Fences."

Valarda tapped her husband on the shoulder. "I think you forget your rank, Warden."

Orophin blushed slightly. "Oh. Right then. You're the Captain, love." He motioned her forward, and Valarda wretched Haldir's bow from his hands, stepping in front of the tree. She eyes up the lord and lady, looked down at the tree behind her, and began to laugh. "It's a twig. A bloody twig, I'm guarding a twig." She walked past Orophin and Haldir, handing the bow to Rumil. "You're next in command, you go be Captain of the Golden Stick."

Rumil tried to pass the bow back. "I am content to be a house elf, if you please. No more guarding trees for me."

"Oh, honestly." Celebrian marched forward, taking the bow as she went past. "Daro!"

"No, no, dear, it's Darr-Oh, not dah-Roh," corrected Valarda.

"Daro," tried Celebrian again, quieter and to the group.

"More Darr-oh, less Dare-oh," Rumil suggested. "Daro. Daro," he repeated, and Celebrian nodded.

"I say Daro 'dah-Roh', too," Nenniach defended. "She had it right the first time, it's just the Imladrish accent."

"Imladrish accent." Haldir crossed his arms in disbelief. "There is no such thing."

"No me gusta Imladris," added Orophin, grinning as he slung an arm around Haldir's shoulder and leaned onto his brother. "You shouldn't talk, Haldir, you've developed a Mirkwood tinge to your speech."

"Absurd," countered the shorter elf, "you must be mistaken."

"Say Daro," insisted Orophin.

Haldir looked around the crowd, noticing they were all listening. "Daro."

"By the Valar, Oro, I think you're right," nodded Rumil.

"I rest my case."

Celebrian cleared her throat and shoved the bow into the sand. "Daro!" she proclaimed.

"Very nice!"

"Excellent!"

"Good job."

Everyone assembled, with the exception of Celeborn and Galadriel, were clapping politely. Celebrian gave nods and smiles in the general direction of the crowd.

"They've all gone mad," whispered Celeborn to his wife.

"Daro!" repeated Celebrian. "You are forbidden to enter these woods!" She spread her free arm around, motioning to the tree behind her.

Staring down at the seedling, Celeborn finally said, "We don't want to enter these woods. We just wanted to let you know we've come to an agreement. And that we are not fighting anymore."

"Not fighting anymore, or not fighting anymore until tomorrow?" Orophin was silenced by a slap on the arm by Valarda.

"We are not fighting. Anymore." Galadriel pulled herself closer to Celeborn. "We would like to make apology to everyone for the distress that the situation had caused."

Celeborn nodded. "We will live with all of you in the house, if you would still have us. And Galadriel will have the elfling. Of course," he added hastily.

"Are you sure you don't want to discuss it further?" prodded Haldir. "Wait until it gets here, and then if you don't like it, we could maybe see if the Valar would let us put it back?"

"Uncle," frowned Elrohir, "that was most uncalled for."

"If we're done here," Elrond announced, cloak tightly wrapped around him, "I am going back to the house. My house," he said, pointing to himself for emphasis. "And in my house, there will be hot chocolate and cider for those who wish to join me in my parlor. Good evening to those who would rather stand here and freeze." He rounded up his sons and nephew and took a step in the direction of the First Homely House.

And stepped on the forest.

"Ai! The Northern Fences!" Orophin threw himself to the ground next to the seedling. "You broke it!"

"Someone call the healer!" Valarda called out, and then dramatically added, "Wait, don't call the healer!"

Rumil stooped down, examining the tree. "I don't think it's quite dead yet. We could prop it up or something."

"I don't think so," disagreed Valarda. "It lacks structural integrity."

"Strucsawhat?"

Elrond stopped in his tracks, trudged back to the tree, and yanked it out of the ground. Nearly everyone gasped in shock or jumped back in mild surprise. "There. That is that. The Northern Fences are dead, long live the Northern Fences. Refreshments in the parlor. Ten minutes." With that, he tossed the tree onto the ground and continued to walk to the First Homely House.

Celebrian nudged the tree with her toe. "Well, no sense in guarding it now." She handed the bow back to Haldir and followed after Elrond.

Orophin studied the tree. "We could-"

"No," said Haldir.

"But if we-"

"No," Haldir repeated, pulling Orophin up from the ground with Valarda's help.

"It hardly had a chance!" Orophin wailed, then straightened up and took the lead. "He did say there was going to be hot chocolate, did he not?"

Rumil glanced at the ground, then at his parents, and then at his wife. "Shall we?" he asked, offering his arm to her. They left Celeborn and Galadriel standing on the shore in front of the seedling.

"I think that went rather well," remarked Celeborn.

"Hmm. Hot chocolate." Galadriel laid a hand on her belly, tilting her head as she looked down. "No? You want cider? And cookies. I think we might find some cookies." Pulling herself away from Celeborn, she began to wander back to the house.

Celeborn bent over and picked up the remains of the tree. "Perhaps we might talk about what to name the elfling later. I've never been able to name any of our children, you know," he added with a hint of sadness.

"She already has a name. I told you weeks ago that Haldir has named her." Galadriel continued along, whispering downwards, "Honestly, one would wonder if your father were going senile."

"Senile!" snorted Celeborn. "You're years older than I am, by the time I go senile-" Celeborn bit his lip as Galadriel turned, eyes narrowed. "Well, what I mean, it is that, actually- Oh, bugger." Celeborn hung his head, shoulders drooped as Galadriel approached.

Galadriel reached out and took Celeborn's face in her hands. "I love it when you stick your foot in your mouth, because you only do it around me." She moved forward, her lips close to his, brushing against them as she spoke. "I love that we are having this elfling together, because you are a wonderful father and it would truly be a shame not to raise another child." Celeborn's arms wrapped around his wife as she continued. "More than anything else, Celeborn, I love you."

"Love you too, Galadriel."

"Mmm." She closed her eyes. "I love it when you say my name."

"See? I'm not that bad at naming elves."

They kissed for some time, moonlight making them visible to anyone who might have come down to the beach. Galadriel slid the tree slowly out of Celeborn's grasp, and broke away as soon as she had hold of it. Celeborn raised his brows in confusion, until he was smacked three or four times with the tree. "I am not old. Never say that again," she warned, waving the remains of the Northern Fences at him.

"I never said you were old," countered Celeborn. "I said you were-" Celeborn took a step back as the tree was raised. "-lovely, and caring, and passionate, and didn't you want cookies? Galadriel?" Celeborn pulled her arms down to her sides and kissed her on the nose. "Galadriel? Cookies?"

Galadriel tossed the tree aside. "Love some." She took hold of his arm and they walked toward the First Homely House. 


	6. I'm Going to the West

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

"Do Thranduil again!" snickered Orophin.

"Oh, yes! Your Thranduil is most excellent!" grinned Valarda.

Haldir drank deeply from the bottle of wine and set it into the sand. Picking up the closer of the two lanterns, he sat up a bit, lantern held out in front of him. " 'I don't know – go to the West, or keep living in caves surrounded by orcs and spiders. Let me lock you in the dungeon while I think about it.' "

Orophin and Valarda both doubled over in laughter as Haldir set the lantern back down and reached for his wine bottle, dismayed to find it empty. Valarda tossed another one to him, careful to aim it around the fire they had made on the beach.

"What about Ada?" asked Orophin playfully. Valarda smirked, and made a hasty grab for a lantern.

" 'If I go to the West, does Galadriel have to know I'm there?' " Both brothers chuckled and snorted at Valarda's imitation of their father.

- - -

It was a variation on a game played on the journey to Valinor to keep Celebdreth (and his uncles) from getting bored on the long trip across the sea.

"With everything packed up, what are we supposed to do on the way to Valinor?" Celebdreth asked Haldir. Nephew and uncle were leaning over the railing of the Brillach, watching as the waves hit the side of the ship. They weren't more than a few hours out of port, the shore of Mithlond still visible upon the horizon.

Haldir grinned at the youth's impatience. "The journey is not terribly far. It is well worth the wait to see the lands I have heard of only in tale and legend."

"Are you not bored?" questioned Celebdreth.

Giving a shrug, Haldir motioned for his nephew to follow him to a bench on the deck. "Bored, aye that I am. Homesick, but for what home I yearn for, I know not. Patient, though, for I know that the trip, however long, is short compared to living forever in Valinor."

Celebdreth sat down, clutching his stomach. "Forever. That seems so final. It seems so…long."

Haldir reassuringly placed his hand upon Celebdreth's shoulder. "You need not fear it, Celebdreth."

"It is not my own immortality I fear," admitted the young elf. "It is the choice still ahead of my cousins. I can easily guess Arwen's path, and cannot fault her for it. But Elrohir and Elladan…" he trailed off, looking back at the outline of land in the distance. "Perhaps I should have waited for them. Perhaps I made a mistake."

Celeborn heard the worries of his youngest grandchild and moved now to join them near the back of the ship. "We often question our decisions, though we can only move forward and not back. They must make their own choices, as you have made yours. Come, let's not speak anymore of this." The old elf turned away, dabbing at the corners of his eyes. He truly hoped his other grandsons would one day follow them to Valinor, but his certainty on this faltered often. "I have a game we could play."

"A game we can play? But nothing is here to play a game with," Celebdreth said.

"Have you not played a game with nothing before?" asked Celeborn. Celebdreth shook his head. "Never? Not 'stop and go' or 'hide and seek' or 'tig'." Again, Celebdreth shook his head. "Ah, but I forget, you had few elflings to play with when you were growing up. Well then. Time to learn."

Celeborn was interrupted, as the door to the decks below swung open. Orophin stumbled out, navigating a zigzagged path to the side. Valarda followed behind, shaking her head. "I told you not to eat before we left. Lembas and water, that's all you're getting until we get to shore."

"I'm never going to set foot on another ship ever again," Orophin moaned as he hung over the side, abruptly drawing himself back over the rail as he watched the water churn below.

Celeborn waved Orophin over to the benches. "Sit down here, on the floor in front of me. Lean your head back against my knees." Orophin did as instructed, and Celeborn positioned his hands on either side of his son's head, rubbing his temples in a circular motion. "Close your eyes. Slow your breath." Celeborn nodded to Valarda that she could leave if she so chose, but the elleth sat down on the bench next to her father-in-law.

"Ada?" Celeborn looked up at Haldir. "There was a game you were going to tell us about?"

"Oh, yes." Celeborn continued to massage Orophin's temples, noting the younger elf looked a lot less green than he had. "It is a game called 'I'm Going to the West'."

"How does one play?" Celebdreth turned back to look at his grandfather, sitting on the bench across from him.

"Quite simple really. The first elf says 'I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking…' and they say something beginning with the first letter of the alphabet. Then the second elf says, 'I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking…' and they say something beginning with the second letter of the alphabet."

"That's easy," replied Celebdreth.

"But there's a catch. The second elf has to say their own item, and the item the first elf said. And so on, right through the entire list of letters. But there's one more thing I must tell you," added Celeborn. "You must use the Westron alphabet."

"Why?" the question was from all of the other elves present.

"Because it makes it more difficult that way. Funnier, too, having to come up with Westron words. I'll go first," offered Celeborn in answer to the skeptical looks he was being given. "I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking an aardvark."

"Why would you take an aardvark?"

"Are there any aardvarks in Valinor?"

"Your turn, Haldir," Celeborn informed him, ignoring the questions.

Haldir thought for a moment. "I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking a Balrog and an aardvark."

"Why in Arda would you bring a Balrog along?" shivered Orophin, still on the floor, still with his eyes closed. "Both of you, you think of such silly things."

"Go on then, if you can do better."

"I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking…Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark."

Celeborn frowned. "You should really try to use Westron words, it loses something otherwise."

"You want we should leave you behind?" asked Orophin. He hissed as Celeborn pinched him on the neck.

"I want you should put me on a ship without a Balrog and an aardvark!"

Celebdreth drew in a breath. "I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark."

"Nicely done!" said Celeborn, and he was rewarded with a small smile from the youth.

"I'm going to the West," proclaimed Valarda, "and with me I'm taking an eagle, a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark." Valarda looked around. "Now what?"

"Now, we begin again." Celeborn cleared his throat. "I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking furniture, an eagle, a dog, myself, a Balrog, and an aardvark. On a very large ship," he laughed.

"I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking Glorfindel of Gondolin, furniture, an eagle, a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark."

"Two G-words, Hirband Arabeleg. You should get double points for that," teased Valarda. Haldir stuck his tongue out at her in a very un-dignified manner.

"I certainly wish we might have convinced Glorfindel to sail with us," sighed Celebdreth, looking back once again. "And Erestor. And Elrohir and Elladan. And Cirdan. And Saelbeth. And-"

"Penneth, fret not! Many of them will come yet." Celeborn nudged Orophin to continue quickly with the game.

"I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking horses, Glorfindel of Gondolin, furniture, an eagle, a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark." Orophin was more alert now, and slid up onto the bench between Celeborn and Valarda. He nodded at Celebdreth.

"I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking ink, horses, Glorfindel of Gondolin, furniture, an eagle, a dog, Celeborn, a Balrog, and an aardvark." Celebdreth leaned against Haldir, forcing himself not to look behind again. Haldir gave him a half-hug with one arm, and looked at Valarda.

"I'm going to the West, and with me, I'm taking jelly, furniture, and a Balrog."

"What?" Celeborn looked around Orophin to see Valarda's raised brow. "What happened to the rest of the stuff?"

"Turns out the Balrog was hungry. After eating the aardvark, dog, eagle, and horses, he realized Glorfindel was the elf who killed his cousin's best friend's uncle's chef. Consequently, he ate Glorfindel, too, and washed him down with a bottle of ink."

"I don't care about Glorfindel, what about me?" demanded Celeborn.

"Oh, well, my Lord, I give you much more credit. You would have jumped off the ship the minute the Balrog started to eye up the aardvark. Terrible what he did to that poor aardvark," she said, shaking her head.

Celeborn was quiet for a bit, everyone else grinning around him. "Are you sure you're not one of my children?" he finally asked.

- - -

The contemporary version of "I'm Going to the West" was slightly different. Gone were the long lists of animals and objects one might find on a wayward ship to Valinor. Replacing them were the imitations of family and friends who had taken the journey or were yet to come to the shores.

"Alright, alright, alright. Nana, going to the west." Orophin took a couple of deep breaths, and then whispered something to Valarda, who nodded, and walked a few feet off. Haldir leaned back in the sand, using his palms to keep himself balanced. " 'I shall now depart to the West. Celeborn?' " Orophin turned, motioning Valarda forward.

" 'Bye! Have a lovely journey!' " she shouted, imitating Celeborn once again. Then, turning to look in the direction opposite of the shore, she shouted, " 'Hey! Thranduil! Break out the barrel, I'm coming home!' " They collapsed onto the beach once again in fits of laughter.

After an evening spent on the same beach guarding the 'Northern Fences', they were now burning the remains of the Northern Fences, as well as any driftwood and twigs they had found along the way. Hot chocolate and cider was replaced with liquor, and they had snagged a pair of the famed lanterns used by the Imladris elves when they made their journey to the Undying Lands. Lit with candles, the lanterns flickered whimsical patterns against the sand and the waves that splashed nearby.

Haldir recovered, picking up one of the lanterns. "Glorfindel, going to the West. 'I'm going to the West! Don't try to stop me!'" He took a step near the shore, turned slightly, and hissed, " 'Elrond! Stop me.'"

"Ah, that is so like our Balrog Slayer. I can't remember how many times he threatened and was pulled back by someone during negotiation. He used that tactic on Ada so often, he could call it every time." Orophin walked over to Haldir, snatching the lantern. "Again, Glorfindel. 'I tried to go West once, but they sent me back. Have I ever told you the story of the Balrog in Gondolin?'"

Haldir took the lantern back. "Elrond, going to the West. 'Valinor. The Undying Lands. Repite. Me gusta the West. Come, let us all go to the West.'"

Valarda raised her own lantern. "Frodo Baggins. Going to the West. Ahem." She managed the saddest looking face she could, then said, " 'I would go to the West, but I do not know the way.' "

All three of them were laughing so hard that they did not notice the pair of figures approaching them.

"Hold on, I've got it. Mithrandir, woeing to the guest. I mean. Heh, never mind. Go ahead, Oro." Haldir set the lantern onto the beach, maneuvering himself back onto the ground. Valarda snorted as she passed Haldir a bottle of something that would guarantee him a headache the next morning.

"Erestor, going to the west. 'I'm going to the West, although, according to this book here, we're taking a northwestern path across the sea. Either way, I'm not going to let myself enjoy the trip.'" This was accompanied by an unamused stare.

"Oooo, remember how he used to glare at everyone? I think he even glared back at himself in the mirror in the morning," giggled Valarda, taking the lantern.

Orophin made to add something, but hiccupped so violently, he fell to his knees, and started laughing again.

"Ready? Heh, heh heh heh…" Valarda had to stop herself for a moment, controlling her laughter. She took a deep breath, lifting the lantern again. "Lindir. Going to the West. Whew." She drew another breath. " 'North, South; East, West; I always say; West is Best!' " Orophin and Haldir clapped loudly, and Valarda bowed as she completed her performance.

Orophin stretched his arms wide above his head. "Then again, Lindir is so overly analytical and philosophical sometimes." He balanced upon his knees, not using a lantern. "Lindir going to the West. 'If we went east, would we not eventually get to the West?'" Orophin plopped back onto the sand to bout of laughter.

Haldir lifted himself uneasily from the ground, staggering to the lantern. "Mithrandir. And we all know where he's going." They burst into laughter again, and Haldir nearly stumbled into the dying bonfire. " 'And for my next trick – I shall go to the West!' "

Valarda and Orophin were silent for a moment before Valarda pounded the sand with her fist. "I get it! Trick! Because he's a wizard!"

"I don't think we got it. Would you mind explaining it?" Haldir literally jumped into the air upon hearing the voices behind him, and stumbled backwards onto the sand next to Orophin. The laughing stopped as Elrond stepped forward, Celeborn behind him.

"It seems the lanterns from the hall were missing. We came to see if you knew where they were. Ah, it seems you do," nodded Celeborn as Valarda and Haldir sheepishly held up the lanterns. Orophin finished off the rest of the last open bottle.

Each of the sober elves took hold of a lantern. "You three are going to be sicker than…well, sicker than you've been in a long time," Celeborn settled on. Elrond was contemplating the lantern as Celeborn continued to lecture. Finally, the older elf looked at his son-in-law. "I think we should lock them out of the house, myself. With our luck, they'll mess the new carpets in the hallways by morning. Best to let them sleep it off on the beach."

Elrond cleared his throat. "Haldir. Going to the West." Celeborn threw his free arm up in the air, making to walk away, but after a moment, was back to watch Elrond's impression. " 'The West? I've heard of it. Am I going? Well, it's not that I really desire to go to the West, but I assume the Valar would want at least one example of a perfect elf living there.'" Haldir slapped Orophin across the back of the head as he shook in silent laughter.

" 'I'm going to the West. I think it's only right to see such an island of perfection,'" began Celeborn, then in a lower voice, very close to Haldir's drawl, he added " 'And with me, I'm taking these mallyrn seedlings…and this lembas…and these rabbits…"

"If someone would have informed me that Valinor had all that, I wouldn't have had to smuggle it all along!" interrupted Haldir, face slightly flushed.

Elrond cleared his throat and tried once more, perfecting not only the intonation, but Haldir's facial expressions as well. "You have entered the West," he sneered, pointing at Haldir accusingly. "You cannot go back."

Orophin smirked, directing his comment to Valarda. "They really have him down perfectly, don't they?"

"Orophin, going to the West." Orophin's face fell as Celeborn lifted his lantern once again. " 'Haldir's going to the West? I want to go to the West!' "

" 'The West?' " Elrond now had his lantern raised. " 'You mean…there's a fourth direction!' "

"Hey! Not funny. Not funny," repeated Orophin, punching Haldir in the shoulder as the older brother bowed his head, laughing.

"Valarda, going to the West." Celeborn thought for a moment, then said, " 'I'm going to the West. And I'm not taking anything, because the Balrog ate it all.' " Even Valarda smirked at this, although Elrond tossed Celeborn a confused look. "I'll explain later."

Elrond stepped forward. "Rumil, going to the West. 'I'm going to the West…though I am filled with sorrow to take from Arda such irreplaceable beauty…'"

"Hey! Leave Rumil out of this!" argued Haldir.

"Come, they're beginning to sober up. We should get back to the house and bar the door before they are able to follow." Elrond agreed with Celeborn's assessment, and the two started back. Celeborn suddenly stopped, walking back to the embers of the fire with a wicked grin upon his face.

"Daro. You've come to the Northern Fences. Something, something, you can not pass." Haldir's speech was slurred, and his gestures just as awkward. Valarda reached for a fresh bottle of wine.

Celeborn lifted the lantern. "Legolas, going to the West. 'I'm going to the West.'" Celeborn looked conspiratorially behind him, then placing his free hand to the side of his mouth in a sneaky fashion, added in a low voice, " 'And I'm bringing…a dwarf!' " With that, he blew out the candle that lit the lantern and turned back in the direction of the house.

"That wasn't very funny," remarked Valarda.

"I don't…get it," said Orophin, turning to Haldir.

Haldir chewed on his bottom lip. "I don't think that one was a joke."

All three of them groaned, though none knew if it was because of their impending hangovers or not.

"A dwarf in Valinor." Haldir shuddered. "I need a drink." 


	7. Laughing at the Sand

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

Haldir realized he was wet.

Very wet. And very cold.

He rolled onto his back, and immediately found this to be a mistake as another bucket of icy water hit him. Sitting up abruptly made things worse. Although it stopped Galadriel from dousing him with another bucket, it did cause everything to shake and swerve rather violently. Somehow he was aware of Orophin's presence by the amused snorting and sleepy chuckles behind him.

Bleary-eyed, Haldir looked up at his mother, wishing she would hold steady for a moment. "Good morning, Nana," he mustered as cheerfully as he could, but his voice was raw and he slurred the words unintentionally. Now Orophin was openly laughing, and if he'd been a bit more sober, Haldir knew he would have slugged his younger brother.

"Good morning? It is late afternoon, and most definitely not a good one," she fumed, tossing the empty bucket at her feet. "Just what were you thinking, getting drunk on the beach in clear view of anyone traveling from the east, not to mention anyone who cared to look from the west."

"You've never had a problem with us drinking on the beach before." This was not the correct response, as Haldir soon found out. He fast found himself on his feet, one of Galadriel's hands holding him up by the front of his shirt, and the other pointing a long, angry finger at his nose.

"There is a fine line between drinking and getting drunk, and you ran clear across it and never looked back." The finger shook at him violently, and Haldir had to look away to keep from getting dizzy. As it was, her words were magnified in his head.

On the bright side, Orophin had stopped laughing.

"I've been drunk lots of times, Nana," continued Haldir, somehow thinking he could appeal to her in a diplomatic fashion. "Both here and back in Lorien. And in Mirkwood, lots of times in Mirkwood." He heard Orophin laugh again, and something told him if he was within range, he would have kicked him.

Galadriel did not respond at first, and Haldir was thankful, for it gave him some time to try to recall exactly what and how much alcohol he had consumed the previous night. "I refuse to continue this conversation outside. Into the house. Now."

The instant Galadriel let go of Haldir, he felt his knees give way and he crumpled to the ground. Unsuccessfully, he tried a few times to stand back up as he watched Galadriel walk briskly to the house. A hand suddenly appeared in front of him, and he grabbed hold, using it to steady himself as Orophin and Valarda both helped him manage an upright position. Using both of them for support, Haldir took a few steps forward, then suddenly stopped.

"Don't tell me you're going to be sick," Valarda warned, noting Haldir's color and facial expression. She ducked out from his arm and made her way to the house. "I'll hold the door open for you!" she offered, staggering forward in a variable line.

"Hey! A little help, here, dearest!" Orophin managed to reposition Haldir as they headed once again to the house.

"He's your brother, my love!" Valarda shouted back, pulling herself onto the porch, heavily relying on the railing. "You're the one who told me you wanted to take care of him. Far be it for me to step in."

Orophin shrugged as he continued to help Haldir along. "Why aren't you feeling the affects of the drink, Oro?" Haldir hadn't ever gotten himself this drunk before, and never before to any degree with either of his brothers.

Orophin hauled Haldir up the porch and through the door, which Valarda held open as promised. "Don't know." Orophin looked around, listening for the others in the house, settling on the kitchen as their final destination.

"Oh, he is," promised Valarda, taking up the rear of the procession. "He most certainly is. He gets very odd. Odder than normal."

"Pay no attention to the voices in the hall," Orophin muttered, kicking the kitchen door open.

"See? He's getting silly already." Valarda was about to sit down when someone yanked her back up.

"Ah, ah, ah. You're wet." Celebrian had been in the kitchen already, conversing with Rumil and Nenniach over a light lunch. "Up to your room and change into something dry. You could use a bath, too!" she added as Valarda reluctantly left the room.

"I don't think Haldir can do steps right now," argued Orophin as Celebrian pointed in the direction of the door.

"I don't much care whether he can or not. I will not have him mess my kitchen. The last time he got drunk, I had to scrape some sort of nearly lembas concoction off of my baking pans. If he's clean and dry, he can sit at the table, but until then, out!"

Orophin pulled Haldir into the hallway to the stairs.

They made it four steps before the new carpet had to be cleaned.

- - -

In the end, Orophin opted for a simpler task than getting Haldir to his rooms. He tossed his brother into the sea to take a bath, and retrieved fresh clothes for him. Hours later, three very tired, hung-over elves sat at the kitchen table of the First Homely House, with naught but their hair wet. The door to the kitchen creaked open, and all three groaned at the noise. In walked one elf, and a second, identical copy.

"Ada had us remove the rugs from the stairs," Elladan said, sitting down at one end of the table.

"Lovely shade of orange you discovered, Uncle." Elrohir was able to cover his grin with his back turned. He pulled two cups down from the cupboard, and shut the door, then made sure the doors to each and every cupboard and drawer were tightly shut, pulling a few out twice and rechecking them just in case.

"I can't imagine he's happy about the rugs," Haldir answered, staring down into his mug of untouched black coffee. Across from him, Valarda had her head propped upon her hands, elbows on the table. She, too, was quite intrigued by the contents of her cup.

Elladan shrugged. "He really didn't like the rugs, as a matter of fact. I think you've done him a great favor."

Elrohir nodded, facing the group now as he slowly poured two cups from the pot that had been hanging near the fire. He slowly walked to Elladan, setting one cup in front of him on the table, and Haldir grunted in displeasure as Elrohir continued to the other side of the table, his boots clicking against the floor in an unfamiliar way.

"Sugar?" Elrohir offered his brother.

"Yes, please." Elladan now stood, and the rustle of the fabric as he walked to his twin sounded to Valarda like thunder in the heavens. Elrohir measured each spoonful with painstaking accuracy, scraping the metal along the top of the bowl, tapping the overturned spoon against the top of the cup until each granule had fallen into the liquid. Elladan rounded the table to sit again, and was about to sip from his cup when he suggested, "Cream?"

"I should think so." Elrohir got up again, making his way to the doorway in the corner that led to the underground pantry, a cool storage area for such things as cream. Once he had entered, those in the kitchen were treated to a carnival of sounds as Elrohir rummaged through what had to be the entire contents of the pantry before finding the cream. Elladan sat at the table, saying nothing, as he stirred his own drink, spoon ricocheting off the sides in a clinking symphony of sound.

"Here we are." Elrohir emerged from the cellar, victoriously holding a bottle of cream. It took the twins another twenty minutes to pour the cream, find sweets that were to their liking, and a plate to put them on, for they remarked the company of the kitchen left something to be desired. They left just barely containing their smirks as they disappeared through the door.

"Do you think Nana sent them, or their father?" asked Haldir, still not looking up from his cup.

Valarda rubbed her head, hoping to persuade her headache to subside. "It had to be Galadriel. Did you see the heap of food they took with them? It's all for her, I'm sure. She sent them, I just know it."

"And the coffee. Elrond doesn't drink coffee. The twins take theirs with vanilla, no cream, no sugar." Haldir turned to look to his left where Orophin sat, waiting for his younger brother's opinion.

"Urrrrreppppp."

Haldir closed his eyes and turned back to his coffee. "That was quite informative, Oro." As an afterthought, Haldir kicked him under the table.

"Ow." Orophin looked up expectantly at his brother, then his wife, and frowned upon seeing that neither had so much as looked up. "I said, Ow."

Haldir opened his eyes again. "Hmm?"

"I said, OW." Orophin crossed his arms and pouted. "Ow, as in, something has hurt me."

"Oh. Are you hurt?" asked Haldir.

Orophin rolled his eyes. "Nay, I am not hurt. I was just testing you. And you failed miserably." He whacked at Haldir's shoulder with the palms of his hands for a few moments, but when he did not receive any reaction, he looked across at Valarda, wagging a finger. "And you-" She arched one brow, fiercely staring him down. "-are quite lovely this after-evening-night," Orophin noted that darkness had begun to claim the sky.

"I think one can safely say this was the least productive day we have ever had," Valarda finally decided, dipping her pinky finger into her coffee to find it had gone cold.

"Pancakes," nodded Orophin. "We should have pancakes." He looked up at Valarda hopefully.

"I'd love some pancakes, dear one. I think I'm going to take a walk around the house while you make them." Valarda slid back her chair and managed to walk out of the room much better than she had walked into the room.

"Halli…" Orophin glanced sideways at Haldir hopefully.

"Haldir isn't here right now. If you leave a message, he might get back to you in the morning."

Orophin stretched his arms and legs, then began to gather the necessary ingredients. And started to whistle. Then hum. Then sing. "I like fireflies, I like fireflies, I like fireflies-"

"Stop it, Oro, or I'm going to throttle you."

"I like fireflies, yummy little fireflies, I like fireflies, crunchy munchy fireflies, I like fireflies…Halli?" Orophin turned to find Haldir clutching his stomach and looking none too happy. "If you're going to get sick again, don't do it in here," he advised, putting down the jar of flour he had retrieved from the pantry.

"I think…I should go outside."

Orophin nodded. "I'll help you out." He successfully managed to get Haldir out of the kitchen and eventually out of the house before Haldir emptied the contents of his stomach once again, this time, luckily hitting the sand and not the carpet. "Rather convenient, you having to puke, and us living on the beach." Orophin mused, holding his brothers hair from his face and rubbing his back. Haldir was bent over, hands steadied on his knees.

"Do not ever let me drink that much ever again. In fact, if I so much as look at an alcoholic beverage…" Haldir stopped as he was interrupted once again.

"I give you a day, three at the most, Hirband Arabeleg, and you'll be throwing them back with your father laughing about today." Valarda had made the circuit of the house and approached them, fiddling in her pocket to retrieve a handkerchief. She handed the cloth out to Haldir once he'd finished round two. She then pulled Orophin aside. "He was doing fine in the house, what happened? You didn't make him eat your pancakes, did you?"

"No, I most certainly did not. I didn't even make them yet." Orophin looked over his shoulder to be sure that Haldir was still too preoccupied to hear them.

Valarda gave him a look of disbelief. "I can not imagine you were not involved somehow. What else were you doing?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Orophin frowned. "Wait. I was singing."

"You were singing." Valarda snorted. "I suppose I can attest to the fact that your singing has never done anyone any good, but this would be the first time you made someone sick with your voice." She paused, tapped her foot a moment, and asked, "What were you singing?"

Orophin blushed. "The crunchy firefly song."

Valarda slapped Orophin across the back of his head. "Perhaps you did not notice, but Haldir isn't on speaking terms with food right now. The last thing he needed to think about was eating fireflies. Honestly, I don't know where you come up with these things." Valarda stalked away, calling to Orophin, "I'm putting your brother to bed. You go back to the kitchen and finish what you started. I'll meet you there shortly."

Orophin waited until he was alone on the beach, then covered up the new evidence of last night's excursion. Once satisfied, he entered the house and went to the kitchen.

"Rumil!" Orophin jumped from the doorway to the counter where Rumil was setting freshly made pancakes on a platter. He squeezed his younger brother in an unexpected bear hug, eyeing up the pancakes. "You made pancakes!"

"I'm making pancakes," Rumil corrected, measuring out the batter on the griddle. "And I hear you all went out and got drunk last night."

"That we did," confirmed Orophin, rocking on his feet.

"Without me," sighed Rumil.

"Er, sorry." Orophin slumped against Rumil, arm around his brother's waist. "My fault there, I invited Haldir out with us. Planned just to take Valarda out to the beach, have a few drinks, a few laughs…" Orophin made a continuing motion with his free hand, and Rumil nodded knowingly, flipping the pancakes. "But I feel so bad for him, he's like a little lost rabbit, just wandering all around."

"He does seem lonely. Everyone else is paired off, save the boys, but they're grouped together, and they're young yet." Rumil looked at Orophin quizzically, noticing his brother's grin. "What now?"

"You realize we call the twins boys, young ones, elflings, though we aren't much older than they are. How many years separate us? One hundred? Two hundred?" Orophin held out the platter to collect the finished pancakes. "Why is it that when you pour the batter, even if you pour it like a square, it always makes a circle?"

"Magic," answered Rumil.

"Ah." Orophin watched Rumil pour out the remaining batter. "Haldir arrived at the tail end of the second age. When were the twins born again?"

"Around 130, 140. Just over a hundred years. That isn't very long at all," Rumil smiled, shaking his head. "I suppose I just feel older, married to someone much older than I am." Orophin nodded in agreement. "Clebri, too, it must be a family trait."

"If it is," smirked Orophin, pulling one of the pancakes off of the platter and rolling it up to eat it, "we must get it from Adar."

Rumil laughed. "How right you are. But, there was reason for your bringing up the ages of the twins."

"I think our brother needs a few friends his own age. Some elves to go out and have a good time with. Face it, dear Rumil, we have settled down. Can you imagine ever having to guard a forest again, travel 'cross the plains in search of adventure. Do you get the urge often to slaughter orcs?" Rumil shook his head to all of Orophin's questions. "But the twins, and your son, all three scamper away in the night doing Varda knows what Mandos knows where Elbereth knows with whom."

"And you believe Haldir would benefit from such an excursion," guessed Rumil, cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. Orophin began to set out plates and silverware on the table. "You might be right about that, Oro. Such wonderful ideas you come up with when you're hung over, truly, you're going to have to get drunk more often." Rumil was answered with a dishtowel flung at his head. "It is something to think about, at the least," he decided, catching the rag and tossing it to the counter.

Orophin set the table, whistling as he worked. Whistling turned to humming, humming to singing.

"Crunchy munchy fireflies. How very interesting," commented Elrond as he entered the kitchen, Celebrian at his side. "Might one inquire as to the origin of the song?"

Orophin shrugged. "Ask your wife, she's the one who taught it to us."

Elrond's eyes slowly looked to Celebrian. Blushing furiously, she spied the platter on the table. "Mmmm. Pancakes."

Laughter filtered through from the hallway, and soon Valarda and Nenniach were pulling chairs up to the table. "The lord and lady will not be joining us this evening. She is tired, and he is cranky. Or perhaps it was she who was cranky, and he who was tired," Valarda shrugged, and continued. "Regardless, it was obviously only an excuse for them to-" She was silenced by the waving of hands of the rest of the elves in the room, especially the siblings.

"We all know well what they do up there, none of us wants to think of it," Elrond answered for the group.

"I'm sure the twins feel quite the same regarding you and Celebrian," smirked Valarda.

"Speaking of the twins," interjected Rumil, "Orophin had an idea regarding the boys and Haldir."

"More a passing thought. Just that they are closer in age than I had realized before, and that perhaps he should be persuaded to join them on one of their outings." Orophin dripped syrup onto his stack of pancakes before passing the bottle to Nenniach.

"The idea has merit," agreed Elrond as he began to methodically cut his dinner. "Although, I have noticed that Haldir gravitates to those in the house. If any of us are here, he will not likely go with them. They have offered in the past, and each time he has refused."

For some time the table was quiet with the exception of the dinner din. It was Nenniach who presented the solution. "There is a play festival being presented in a few weeks. We could vacation there; it would be nice to get away from the construction project. We can ask Haldir to watch the house and the shores and to keep an eye on Celebdreth and the twins. He would still be able to join the boys for a few hours, and I think it might seem less planned."

"We'll have to let the twins in on the plans," noted Orophin.

"What plans?" Elrohir and Elladan were standing in the doorway, Celebdreth behind them.

"Do I get to know?" Celebdreth followed his cousins into the room, all of them finding seats around the table.

"It concerns all of you," Elrond said. "But it will have to remain a secret."

"We love secrets, Ada," Elladan announced, as if this was some new revelation.

"It is something of a difficult quest we will be sending you on," added Celebrian.

"Quests are our specialty, Nana," Elrohir assured her.

"And, it involves Haldir."

All three were silent for a moment, exchanging surprised glances. "So it's an impossible mission then," mused Celebdreth. He looked to his cousins again, grinning. "Excellent." 


	8. In the Dance Hall of the Elven King

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

"It wasn't really my idea!" Orophin chased down the stairs after Valarda. His wife was carrying a sack across one shoulder and a bundled blanket under the other arm. "It was the alcohol! My hangover! The bloody purple bunny! Pick what you will, but I am not taking credit for this! And I am not going!" he added, grabbing the items she had just set down and running up the steps with them.

"It was your idea, it came from your lips!" Now the chaser, Valarda marched up behind Orophin, hands on her hips. "If it was the alcohol, your hangover, or the damned rabbit, my congratulations to them, each and every one! Now stop making my existence difficult and leave everything be! We are leaving, you are coming, and that is all there is."

Orophin kicked open the door to their rooms and threw the bag in, followed by the blanket, then shut the door and held the knob tightly, keeping himself in the doorway. "It is a bad idea!"

"Oh, balrog wings, it's a great idea. You're just sore that you said something brilliant and have witnesses to it."

"But the last time! The last time, when Nana tried to find him an elleth, that didn't work out very well!" Orophin said, grasping for an argument.

Valarda crossed her arms. "The last time, as I recall it, was near a thousand years ago. The last time, your mother forced him to entertain the granddaughter of King Thranduil. The last time, it turned out she picked out one crazy, power-hungry, dictatorial elleth from the forest of despair. Oro, that was the most impossible situation I have ever seen – the girl was talking about skinning orcs and taking their skulls and eating giant spiders – even your mother was afraid of her."

"Case in point. We are not leaving Haldir here. For all we know, the little princess is wandering around Valinor, waiting to strike-"

"Oro, we aren't trying to find him a soul mate, we're trying to let him have a breath of air, for Elbereth's sake!" She finally managed to pry his fingers from the door knob, and the door swung into the room. They grappled a bit in the doorway, until Valarda rolled her eyes. "Orophin, my love, I appreciate the concern you have for your brother, but if you do not leave me to pack the rest of our gear, you shall cause the others to come back inside and will have more than me to deal with."

Orophin conceded, taking up residence slumped in the doorway as Valarda once more gathered their items. "I do not know if it is such a good thing, to let those three scoundrels influence him."

"Our nephews are better influence on him than you are."

Orophin huffed and puffed in the doorway for a bit longer, pouting as well, but his wife ignored all of this. Valarda tossed the sack to him as she left the room. "He will be fine, they will be fine. Thank the Valar we did not have children, for I would have killed you after more than a day like this one." She blew at his face in an affectionate manner, and Orophin blinked and smiled.

"Too true, my love, had I not first thrown myself into a pit of wargs upon hearing the news." He shut the door again and followed her down the hall.

"Only if you would have taken me with you," she answered.

Orophin shrugged. "Fine by me." He dangled the bag, swinging it back and forth as they headed downstairs. "You're a silly little elleth, you know that?"

"I am constantly being reminded of- wait, little?" Orophin was lobbed over the head with the blanket. "Silly, yes, elleth, of course, not little. Take it back, or I'll start calling you Orophin the Wise."

"Ai! You'll ruin my reputation, you silly uhm, medium-sized elleth? Big elleth?"

"Close your mouth, Orophin. You get into less trouble that way." Rumil was at the bottom of the steps, glancing out the main door behind him. "What's taking so long? Haldir's starting to rethink staying, said if you were going to be a while, he might just get a few things and come along."

"Oh, no, he doesn't!" Valarda pulled Orophin down the stairs, almost sending them crashing to the bottom.

Outside, two carriages were waiting. Haldir was standing beside the furthest, speaking with whoever was inside, while Nenniach conversed with those in the nearer horse-drawn coach. She approached as the three elves came from the house. "Before I could do anything about it, Haldir had helped Galadriel into one of them, and Elrond made a beeline for the other."

Orophin cursed softly, hoping only those in the immediate area had heard. The plan was to take one carriage while Celeborn, Galadriel, Elrond and Celebrian took another. "I suppose Valarda and I can ride with Nana and Ada, a whole trip with Elrond would wear me out."

"Not to mention you don't know half of what he speaks of," added Valarda in a mockingly serious tone. Orophin pretended it was well-deserved pity, nodding and bowing his head.

"Or... " Rumil shifted gaze to Orophin. "Or, we could ride in with Ada and Elrond, and the ladies could have their own carriage.

Orophin seized the opportunity, knowing how dearly he would pay later for sending his wife off with a group of ladies. "Enjoy the journey! I've been told the scenery is beautiful!" He kissed Valarda quickly before she could react and bounded off to the nearest carriage. A moment later, Celebrian was nearly pushed out of it, a sour look on her face as she made for the other carriage, evicting her father.

A finger was waggled in Rumil's face. "I hope you understand that by your actions, you will be housing him in your room at the inn," Valarda scowled, looking expectantly to Nenniach. "Well, come then, the carriage isn't coming to us." Under her breath, she added, "To war... "

Nenniach shook her head, turning to Rumil. "I suppose I'll see you when we get there." Rumil nodded, and drew her into his arms, leaning down to speak softly in her ear.

"Don't sit next to Valarda, I hear she bites."

Nenniach giggled. "I'm not averse to biting."

"You aren't?" Rumil tugged on the tip of her ear with his teeth. "I thought you liked nips, not bites."

"I'm always open to experimentation," she murmured. Rumil kissed the spot he'd nipped, then straightened suddenly, caught off guard. He looked over Nenniach's shoulder, and she turned to look as well.

Haldir, some distance away, flushed and looked around at something on the ground. Rumil smiled at Nenniach uneasily, tilting her chin with his index finger so she faced him once again. "I think this trip is going to be good for us and great for him. Poor elf really needs this, I think." Nenniach nodded, and they parted as they kissed, but it was brief, and as Rumil walked to the carriage he would be riding in, he noticed that Haldir had still been watching out of the corner of his eye.

The horses needed no master to control them. No training was required for these steeds of Valinor, though it had been commented upon by Rumil that they lacked the personality that their mounts on Arda had. For Orophin and his many failed attempts at horse training, this was fine by him. It was late in the afternoon when the coaches pulled away from the First Homely House, leaving Haldir in the care of his three nephews.

- - -

It was ten seconds after the coaches were out of site that Elrohir and Celebdreth slid down the rope ladder of the birch tree. "Thank Elbereth! I thought they'd never leave!"

"Now that the elves are away, the elflings will play." Celebdreth looked his uncle up and down. "We're not taking him along in that." His tone was quite critical, and Haldir looked down to his feet, then over his back, to see what was the matter.

"Grey is not your color, uncle," Elrohir finally answered.

"Does that matter?"

"Most certainly."

"Why?"

Elrohir had reached him by now, and after throwing his arm around Haldir's neck, was leading him to the house. "Because we have somewhere to be this evening, and we are taking you with us. You don't expect us to leave you here all alone, now, do you?"

"When dealing with the three of you," Haldir smirked, "I never know what to expect."

"Come, Elladan said he was going to see if you were hiding anything suitable upstairs." Elrohir opened the door and led Haldir to the steps, but Elladan called for them from the parlor. They entered and found he had clothing tossed over nearly every piece of furniture.

"I brought the possibilities down here. No need to waste time going up and down the steps. We're running late as it is." He held up a few shirts, frowning at all of them before tossing them to the couch.

"Honestly, El, you're going to crease them!" scolded Elrohir, picking up Elladan's mess.

"Well, El, if you'd only help me out!" answered Elladan to Elrohir.

"Start with the pants," suggested Celebdreth, who had moved next to Haldir. He lifted one of his uncle's braids and wrinkled his brow. "Much too... march warden for where we're going. I wonder if we'd have time to put any flowers in your hair before-"

"Stop that!" Haldir slapped Celebdreth's hand away, and settled himself down in the overstuffed chair. "I dealt with enough of that from your father." Celebdreth approached again and began replaiting Haldir's hair, drawing some from each side into a single braid down the back while leaving the rest of hang loose.

"We are going into town not into battle."

"Is there a difference?" asked Haldir.

Elrohir approached with a pair of dark blue leggings and slightly baggier suede pants that were a deep chocolate brown. "Pick one."

"I am comfortable with what I have on, thank you."

Celebdreth noiselessly pulled his long, curved knife from his side, and with a single swipe, slashed the leg of Haldir's black leggings without so much as a scratch to the former Captain before continuing the task of rebraiding his uncle's hair. Haldir reached for the loose fabric, more impressed than upset that Celebdreth had cut straight across the seam.

Elrohir held the selections out once again. "Pick one."

"Can I not wear both?" Haldir sat up as Celebdreth finished and pointed in the direction of the second pair. They were tossed in his lap as Elrohir went back to the shirts on the couch.

Elladan brought him a pair of brown socks, tossing a pair of tan boots in front of him on the floor. "Hurry up, now, get the pants on so we can see how they look."

Reluctantly, Haldir pulled off the uniform of the Galadhrim and pulled on the suede pants and the socks. A tan colored shirt flew at him, and he pulled it on, tugging at the laces on the front and rolling the sleeves to his elbows. He retrieved the dark boots from his uniform much to the dismay of the cousins.

"Those look hideous."

"How many orcs have been killed with those? I mean, how many have died upon seeing them?"

"Everyone knows you are not a tall elf."

It was the last comment that stalled Haldir. For years beyond those he could reasonably count, he had insisted upon footwear that would increase his height. Few, save for his family, the cobblers he frequented, and Erestor knew of his plight. It was bad enough having parents and siblings who were taller than average. It was worse being an elf under six feet. The shoemaker had done an excellent job with this pair, which had lasted him over six hundred years. Carefully made, they added just over four inches to his height. "And how does everyone know I am not a tall elf?"

There was less menace in his voice than had been expected. Finally, Celebdreth spoke. "We're elves. We just... know these things. Everyone knows you are not a tall elf," he repeated, adding, "No one cares."

Haldir slid his boots on and handed the tan ones to Celebdreth. "I care," he said quietly.

- - -

Not long after, they were on their way to... well, Haldir didn't really know where. They had insisted that if he was coming with them - and he didn't have time to argue that they had insisted he come with them - he would enter their realm with one provision.

He had to be blindfolded.

After being led away from the beach, twisting and turning from one path to the next, Haldir felt the cloth being untied and lifted from his eyes. "We are here." A set of double doors lay in front of him with the words "King's Kastle" painted upon them. He didn't have time to look back and see the surroundings before the doors were opened and he was literally pushed through by Elladan.

"What type of place is this?" questioned Haldir as he followed Elrohir and Celebdreth through the door. Elladan nearly stepped on the older elf's heels as Haldir abruptly stopped. The outside of the building was deceptive, for inside the décor was soft and inviting, unlike the harsh wooden doors that led in. Taking in the dim lighting, the multitude of young ellin and ellith mingling, the many cozy corners and couches, his eyes went wide. He swung around grasping Elladan on the shoulder, his voice a low hiss that only their small party could hear. "Is this a brothel?"

"A what? Uncle, we would most definitely not take you to a brothel, even if we knew where one was," laughed Elladan, and he added quickly, "There are no brothels in Valinor. That we know of. We wouldn't go if there were. We, well, we wouldn't even know about them if there were any. But there aren't any." Elrohir rescued his brother with an unseen nudge, and all three elves smiled at Haldir.

"Dance hall. They call this a dance hall." Celebdreth made a motion around the room. Haldir took in the room once again, noting there was another passage to yet another, much large room, with stairs at either side of the entrance leading up to a balcony.

"You mean... this is for dancing," guessed Haldir.

"Yes, Uncle."

"And you dance here... for fun."

"Yes, Uncle."

"That's not all we do," mumbled Elladan when Haldir turned to look around again, but was silenced by glares from both Elrohir and Celebdreth. Elrohir persisted with a look that said, 'If you keep it up, he's going to leave.' "Come, Uncle, let's take a look in here. You'll love it. Just wait until you find out who runs this place." Elladan linked his arm with Haldir, pulling him toward the doorway.

Celebdreth and Elrohir hung back for a few moments, guarding the door more than anything in case Haldir changed his mind about spending quality time with his nephews. "You know, El, this is going to result in one of two things. Our deaths or his happiness."

Elrohir watched his brother and uncle for another moment, and then turned to Celebdreth, crossing the fingers on both of his hands hopefully. Slapping his cousin on the shoulder, Elrohir motioned with his head in the direction of the main hall and they followed the other elves who were filtering in.

Haldir was bombarded with a multitude of sights and sounds, his eyes and ears pulled in various directions. He found he had been led to the bar, a whimsical, curving counter with comfortable looking plush stools backed with birchwood. Elladan hoisted himself atop the nearest, catching the eye of one of the bartender's with a wink.

Haldir noted as she approached that her skin was dark, for an elf - lightly and perfectly tanned. Her smile and gaze were upon Elladan, though she glanced at Haldir as she approached, almost as if she was sizing up this newcomer. "Elladan, you rascal, what poor soul have you brought here now?"

"Glorcheniel, I should like to introduce you to Haldir, elf of many trades and places. Captain of Lorien, Instructor at Imladris, and former King of Greenwood."

"Ah, yes, your name is quite familiar. I wondered when I might finally meet the elf of so many of Thranduil's stories. A pleasure," the elleth said, giving Haldir a nod.

"Likewise," agreed Haldir. Pause – two – three: "You know Thranduil?"

"I know him well. Very well," she admitted, fixing drinks for Elladan, and his brother and cousin, who now joined them. "I suppose they neglected to tell you this is his establishment."

"Really?" Haldir took another look around, able to see the similarities between the building and the caves of Greenwood. He wondered what had compelled the great King of Greenwood to build a glorified inn. Rather aware of the fact his father was often out drinking with Thranduil, it occurred to him that this might be the exact location they came to. "It's rather nice."

"Care for a drink?" asked Glorcheniel, sliding the others across the counter.

"Just water or juice or something, thank you," Haldir said, memories of a recent episode still fresh in his mind.

Glorcheniel frowned and reached under the counter for a glass. "All right, then. But you needn't worry, we've got rooms upstairs if you get drunk." She smiled at him teasingly. "And we've got rooms downstairs in the caves if you-"

"-get really drunk," finished Elrohir hastily, lifting the glass of orange juice away from Glorcheniel and setting it down in front of Haldir. "Will we find you on the dance floor later, my Golden Goddess?" Both he and Elladan gave her their most winning smiles and she grinned back.

- - -

"Well, you won't find me downstairs in the caves, that's for sure."

"Every moment before we see you next is another lost without you, elleth of the sun." Elladan took up her hand and placed a gentle kiss upon her palm. "Am I right to think there is an event this evening?"

"Aye," answered Glorcheniel. "Something of a surprise, a new game invented."

"We can hardly wait," grinned Elrohir.

"You shall have to, though." Glorcheniel looked down the bar, which was rapidly becoming crowded. "You'll have to excuse me now. Haldir, it was a pleasure."

Haldir nodded, expecting nothing more than a smile back. What he did not expect was for the elleth behind the counter to lean over, slide her hand into his hair, and kiss him. His eyes went wide during the entire incident, and he almost lost control of the drink in his hand. She released her hold, pecked him on the cheek, and left for the other end of the bar without another word.

"She's... very... friendly... " Haldir finally managed, eyes following her as she made the rounds.

"Mmmhmm." Celebdreth was busily scanning the crowd in the hall.

"Does she always do that?" Haldir asked.

"Yeah, she's the bartender, it's her job. She gets everyone drinks," answered Elladan, deadpan.

Haldir rolled his eyes. "No, the kissing."

"Oh, just the elves she likes." Elladan sipped his glass of wine. "She seems to like you."

"I got that impression. I also got the impression she is with someone." He looked to the twins. "Or someones."

"Really, no one here is 'with' anyone. That's the beauty of it. We're all just a bunch of lonely souls, not really looking for anyone, but needing someone." Haldir didn't say anything, and Elrohir continued. "It's a lovely place to meet lovely elves. The atmosphere is friendly, everyone is happy, no one claims anyone, bonds with anyone. No pressure. No heartache."

"No kidding." Haldir watched ellin and ellith greet each other, talk at the bar, and dance on the floor, surprised at how relaxed and informal everything was. "Not at all how things were when I was your age."

"When you were our age - barely over a hundred years ago," Elladan smiled, "there was all kinds of darkness, and a war over a stupid magic ring, and a battle that near claimed your life. Last thing on your mind was passing time with a pretty young elleth."

"Pretty young ellith were in short supply back then in Lorien," said Celebdreth. "I know, I was looking."

Elladan waved the comment off. "Point is, times have changed. This is a new age, Uncle. The age of the elves returned to Valinor. Embrace it."

"I say embrace the ellith, not the age," laughed Celebdreth as he stood. A pair of ellith were approaching from across the room, joking with one another as they lazily walked. Celebdreth held out an arm to one, and then the other. "Good evening, darlings." Haldir had a hard time swallowing his drink as his nephew turned to introduce to him, "Caliel, and Isilwen Arcamenel." Both of them looked upon Haldir with piercing green eyes, dark hair accentuating the color all the more. Haldir put his drink firmly down on the counter, nodding slowly in greeting to each of them.

Isilwen slid near to Celebdreth, and he protectively curved an arm around her waist. Caliel stepped closer, and Haldir realized the vulnerable position he had placed himself in as she reached forward and slid the loose cord from the front of his shirt between her fingers. "So you are the captain who led the elven forces in the very last alliance of men and elves?" Haldir did little more than nod meekly. "How does it happen that such a brave warrior did not come to visit the King's Kastle earlier?"

"He hasn't been in Valinor very long," answered Elrohir for Haldir.

Caliel wrapped the cord around her finger, bringing herself closer and closer to the tongue-tied elf. "Welcome to Valinor, brave warrior." He was kissed a second time that night, not for as long as Glorcheniel had held him captive, but there was something a bit more this time. This was no mere greeting – this was a proposition. She lingered, hovering a moment, waiting for something in return. Haldir did not move, and Caliel drew back. "And welcome to the King's Kastle."

"Thank you," he managed, his voice sounding slightly confused.

"I hope we'll get to see more of you around." Her green eyes slowly drifted down and then all the way back up to meet his again. Still, Haldir did not move. Caliel took Celebdreth's free arm and the trio walked out to the dance floor. Haldir sipped his juice, spitting it back into his glass when he watched what occurred next.

"He just... he wasn't raised that way!" Haldir pointed none too discreetly in the direction of Celebdreth, whose hands had slid down from each of the elleth's waists, firmly grasping something else. Haldir crossed his arms, realizing his pointing was probably drawing more attention to it than he wished. "Rumil would have a royal fit if he saw that!"

"Then it is a good thing Uncle Rumil is not here," Elrohir said, calmly swirling the contents of his glass.

Haldir's jaw flapped a bit, but nothing came out. He turned away from the dance floor, staring at the counter. "That's very... he shouldn't... he's with two ellith!"

"Funny, I know someone else who didn't just touch two ellith this evening, but kissed two ellith. Who could that be...?" Elladan grinned slyly at Haldir.

"No, they kissed me. They initiated it," defended Haldir, turning red as he finished his drink.

"I didn't see you pull back from them in horror. Or run away screaming." Elladan flagged another bartender over. "Just relax. Celebdreth has a particular... taste... and he couldn't say no to either of them."

"The dark hair? The green eyes? The forward nature?" Haldir pushed his empty glass away.

"You have the first two," Elrohir said. "Although the last part holds true only for Caliel. Isilwen, she's the opposite. Sweet and shy to Caliel's adventurous flair."

"Caliel drank us all under the table once," laughed Elladan. "Little did we know, we found out later that she set it up with Thranduil to have glasses of water sent to her instead."

Haldir looked again around the room. "Is Thranduil here somewhere?"

Elladan shook his head. "Likely not. He may come to announce the competition, but he tends to stay behind the scenes." The bartender began to refill their drinks, and slid an extra one onto the counter for Haldir.

"From the lady near the doors," he explained, and was gone again. Haldir looked at the fizzing blue drink with some trepidation, then turned to look to the doorway. Perched on a stool, the auburn-haired elleth held her drink coyly, swirling it in the glass. It changed hue from red, to orange, and then gold. A wink, a smile, and Haldir turned away, blushing.

"You poor thing, I fear you'll turn red permanently if any of them tries to lure you into the caves," chuckled Elladan.

"Why? What is in the caves?" Haldir looked up to see Elrohir stamping on Elladan's foot. "Tell me what is in the caves."

"Your attention please!" The music trickled off into nothingness and a dark haired elleth on the musician's platform waved her feathered hat above her head to attain the gaze of the crowd. "This evening, for your enjoyment, we are going to present for the first time ever a new game on the back patio. It has been entitled 'Hide and Go Elf'." She waited for the talk between members to die down before continuing. "We remind you that, as always, multiple rounds of the game will be played, and everyone who wants to play will have a chance to participate. The first ten ellin and ellith to volunteer shall go first and should meet directly outside the exit by the patio. Spectators, to the benches! As always, thank you for coming to the King's Kastle!"

"You heard her, let's go!" With one twin on each side, Haldir found himself lifted from his seat and dragged outside to the patio. Numerous elves were lining the benches that were raised on either side of the tall stacks of hay bales that had been placed in the center of the patio to create a giant maze. The elleth who had made the announcement inside was handing out a different colored length of fabric to each of the ellin along with a single rose. When she reached the twins and Haldir she frowned. "Only two spots left."

"We come as a pair!" reminded Elladan. Instead of tying the pale green strip on his upper arm like the rest of the elves had, he used it to tie his right hand to Elrohir's left.

"Fine, but only one rose. We have to have enough to go around." She handed Haldir the last strip of fabric, a silvery grey piece.

Elladan smirked as the elleth walked away. "Perhaps grey is your color."

"Here are the rules, boys!" The elleth had her hat back on, and the feathers fanned out in the light wind. "On the other side of this maze are ten ellith. Each one has to find one of you, whoever matches the color they have. You don't know what color they have, and that is what makes everything all the more interesting. Once the correct elleth finds you, and proves it, you may present her with the rose however you like. There is a limit of five minutes. If the elleth cannot find you, you win. But I think you will all agree this is a game better lost." The elves nodded and laughed in agreement.

"What happens when we lose?" Haldir whispered to Elrohir.

"The elleth claims a forfeit," Elrohir whispered back.

"A forfeit? What kind of forfeit?"

Elladan grins. "Anything she wants. Anything you're willing to let her have."

A few moments later, twenty excited elves entered the maze with one apprehensive old elf.

Four minutes and fifty seconds later, after roaming aimlessly through the paths, Haldir noticed the crowd watching had become quite subdued. Twice, he had been falsely captured, each time completely at a loss of what to say to the giggling ellith who eventually let him go. Both times he had become embarrassed beyond measure, and once alone again took to cursing under his breath in Dwarvish. After the first minute, he noted that the others in the maze, including the twins, had taken to avoiding him.

In his mind, he counted back the number of times he had heard the crowd raise voice in frenzied uproar, and realized he was left in the maze with the last elleth. 'I should have stayed home. I should have stayed home. I should have-' His thoughts were interrupted as a pair of hands slid around his head to cover his eyes. "I did not expect to see you again so soon."

Haldir swallowed audibly, trying to place the voice. It wasn't Glorcheniel, whom he'd met at the bar, or Celebdreth's aggressive friend Caliel. Perhaps the elleth from across the bar, then, for he hadn't heard her speak. As he turned, holding out the rose, he was surprised to find Isilwen standing there, watching him intently with emerald eyes. "I see you did not expect to see me so soon again either." Isilwen slid the rose from Haldir's fingers, and he let his hands drop to his sides. Bring the flower closer to her, she breathed in the scent deeply and smiled from behind the stem.

Lost again for words, Haldir shook his head. His hands fidgeted at his sides, and now even more aware of the watching crowd, he felt his face flush, the tips of his ears he was sure had turned as red as the rose Isilwen held. He tried again to speak, but Isilwen let the rose dip forward, petals against his lips. "Thank you for the game. And the rose. And... this." The soft petals of the flower slid down to his chin, soft lips replacing them. The rose continued its descent, gliding down Haldir's throat. Then it pulled away, and Isilwen left, leaving Haldir to find his way out of the maze.

- - -

Back at the bar, Haldir had switched to liquor. His head rested in his hands. "I just cannot do this. I cannot speak to them. It isn't that I do not want to, I just can't."

"We were noticing a pattern on that," admitted Elrohir. His eyes had taken to scanning the balcony for an elleth that was having so little fun she would be willing to sit and talk with an elf who apparently had forgotten how to communicate with members of the fairer sex.

Elladan was doing the same on the ground level, taking inventory of those at the seats at the bar. Noticing one particular elleth near the doors, Elladan's face lit up. "Isn't that the one who sent you that fluffy blue thing earlier?"

Haldir looked up, blushing furiously when he caught her intense sapphire gaze. "That would be her."

"Go ask her to dance," advised Elladan. "She has warmed that stool long enough this evening."

"You go ask her to dance," grumped Haldir. "All that comes out when I try to say anything to them is nothing."

Elrohir sighed finished his drink, and pulled Haldir from his stool. "Come on. I shall introduce you. And the two of you will dance."

"I don't know, Elrohir, I-"

"The two of you will dance," repeated Elrohir. "I am introducing you, and you will thank me for it. Oh, and Elladan has the other boots in a bag behind the counter, in case."

"In case? In case what?"

Elrohir grinned. Moments later, he smiled politely to the elleth. "Mirime, it is lovely to find you here this evening. I wanted to introduce Haldir to you. I think you may have noticed him already." Mirime nodded as Elrohir continued. "He had wanted to ask you to dance, but since you've sat here most of the night, we were thinking perhaps you were waiting to meet someone." Mirime shook her head.

"I would love to dance with you, Haldir." Mirime hopped off the stool, and Haldir blinked. And smiled. And excused himself for a moment.

"Elladan!" Haldir ran up to his nephew, grasping him on the shoulder. "Elladan, I need the boots."

"Isn't it lucky that I brought them," he grinned, motioned over Glorcheniel, who came over and tossed Elladan his sack. Haldir took note that she now had a pale green silken cloth tied in her hair. Elladan grinned at Haldir's realization and tossed him the tan boots. Haldir quickly exchanged his footwear. "Suppose you wish now that you would have allowed Celebdreth to weave a few flowers in your hair."

"Never!" Haldir grinned, dumping the black boots into Elladan's bag before passing it back to the younger elf.

Taking a deep breath, Haldir marched himself back to the other end of the bar. To his extreme surprise, not a single elf stared at him as he walked, noticeably shorter than he had been when he arrived. Holding a hand out to the short dark-haired elleth, he smiled. "Shall we dance?"

Across the floor they glided, turned, and twisted. Getting to know each other without a single spoken word, they retired as the night sky brought a greater darkness to the candlelit hall. In the first room, they found an unoccupied corner in which to sit and talk. But few words were spoken until Mirime pulled away reluctantly. "I have to go. My sister has appointments in the morning and we shared a horse here."

A thought in the back of Haldir's mind almost launched itself forward, almost asked her to spend the night with him in one of the chambers upstairs. Fear held him back, and he nodded. "Should I help you find her, or... ?"

Mirime shook her head. "Thank you, but I would rather you stay here. So I can sneak another look at you before I go." She nuzzled her head under his chin. "You look so much more peaceful this way than you did in the bar."

"It is difficult not to be relaxed lying across such a comfortable couch with such a lovely elleth." He placed a kiss on the top of her head and she sighed.

"If I don't go now, I'll never leave." To Haldir's disappointment, she detangled herself from him and stood up. "Don't move, not until I go through that door," she said, pointing to the entryway. He nodded, and she turned to go.

His hand flew to hers on impulse, and he pulled her back, embracing her. Somehow he knew if he kissed her again, he wouldn't be able to stop. He wished he had something more to give her before she departed, and pulled the silver fabric off of his arm. "Until next time." He let go, placing the strip into her hand.

"Until then." She took a few steps away. "Remember, stay there until I go."

Haldir stayed, waiting until Mirime and her sister were at the door. Mirime turned, blew him a kiss on the way out, and left quickly.

Deciding it was about time to round up the rest of the family and go home, Haldir went back to the bar. Elladan was on one stool with Glorcheniel in his lap, Elrohir next to him, massaging her feet. The three were talking animatedly about the evening, and Haldir noted the three looked quite tired and likely had danced the night away. "Where is Celebdreth? We should be leaving soon."

Elrohir's eyes widened as he looked at Elladan, but all Haldir saw was Elladan's calm expression. "I think I might have seen him on the patio. Elrohir, perhaps you would be good enough to check and see if you might find him." Elrohir jumped from the stool and skidded from the room, though not to the patio. "If you want to continue to sit in the front room, we shall retrieve you when we are assembled and ready to go."

Haldir nodded, slightly suspicious, but said nothing as he went back into the waiting room, back to the couch he had shared with Mirime. Closing his eyes, he wondered if it would be such a bad thing to fall asleep right now, except that he did not want to leave the First Homely House entirely unguarded through the night. Even with his eyes closed, he felt the presence of two elves walking past. They paused, and Haldir wondered if he should alert them that he was indeed awake. They continued by, and soon after, he began to hear them speaking not far away.

"So that is her son. He's a little short, I think."

"You think everyone is short, my brother."

"Well, this time I mean it. But you can clearly tell he's her son."

"Rumor has it he's having visions."

Haldir sat up straight, eyes blinking open. At one end of the room, over the couches and benches, he saw the flicker of firelight peeking out around the furniture. He did not sense anyone else in the room, and became highly suspicious that he was the topic of discussion.

"As well he should be, as well he should be. Does not need the mirror to do it, either. At least, that is what I hear."

Haldir waited for more of the conversation, but when none came, he got up and began to wander through the room, turning corners here and there to find the elves that had been talking. About him, he was certain now.

Lounging near a small fireplace, two elves, ancient as any elf, sat gazing into the flames. "Pardon me, I could not help but overhear-"

"Of course you couldn't - gets that from the father," replied one of them.

Sitting down between them on the floor, Haldir said, "I don't think we've met. I'm Haldir."

"Yes, you are," confirmed the other as if there was any doubt.

It was silent for some time, and Haldir was content to stare at the fire as well. "I don't believe I've had the pleasure-" he finally began, trying his best to be polite.

The elf shook his head. "We have, but you have not. Elmo is my name. On your opposite side, my younger brother, Olwe."

Haldir gawked, but it was a reverent sort of gawking. "Olwe and Elmo? In the Elmo and Olwe who were in the beginning, with their brother Thingol? 'And there they awoke, the elder of old, by the waters of Cuivienen.' You are two of those who came at the first?"

"We must come into this place more often," smiled Elmo to Olwe. "And you told me that elves here wouldn't know their history."

"He spent time among elders, that is clear. Who taught you your history, lad?"

"Much I read in books, and from tales I was told. My friend and mentor, Erestor, taught me the basics."

Elmo chuckled. "Listen to that, Olwe, little Erestor has friends."

"A friend, that we know of," Olwe corrected with a wink.

"Master Erestor is a proud and noble elf," defended Haldir, unable to see why these elves would so ridicule the Noldo. "I see not the humor in your statements."

"A story for another day. So he told you of the awakening. That is good. But you do not know the whole of the story of us and of our brother, Thingol. Upon waking, he was distraught to find he had no brother. He begged the Valar give him a brother, and so they did." Olwe made a motion to Elmo.

"When the second elf awoke, he and Thingol were happy for some time. It was not long, however, that they came to realize that though one brother was sufficient, two would bring greater joy. They began to pray, and a third elf awoke."

"Eventually," continued Olwe, "these elves went down separate paths, each of them having families of their own. The middle brother saw his son marry, and later, two grandsons were born. The youngest brother saw his daughter marry, and she then had with her husband five children-"

"Five children?" Haldir stopped them. That sounded familiar...

"Five children." Olwe repeated. "The youngest of which was a fair maiden, tall and strong, spirited like her brothers. In love she fell with the youngest grandson of the middle brother, and was named by him in one of the truest acts of love ever known."

Haldir was very silent until they paused. "Then... what you mean to tell me..."

"I told you your granddaughter could not be relied upon to relay such important information," scolded Elmo.

Olwe frowned. "Of course. Blame it on her. As if your grandson was too busy to give his children a lesson on genealogy."

That is when Haldir decided he had had too much to drink, for in his mind, he suddenly made all of the connections. "I think I should go now."

"Please, Haldir, you need not worry. You act as if it is some scandal," Olwe laughed. "Well, I suppose it is," he said after a moment. But it's too late to worry about now. I thought at first you had known, however, better to know it from your Great-Grandfathers than some Maia on the street."

Elmo nodded in agreement. "Our family tree is one of Valinor's greatest jokes. Think of how painful it would have been for you to make the discovery over a drink at the bar."

"Well... thank you for that. And it is so good to have met you both." he shook each of their hands before leaving for the dance hall, numb from what he had learned. Looking back over his shoulder, he watched the pair of elves exit the building. He chewed his lip as he strode up to his nephews, sitting at the bar with Caliel and Isilwen as Glorcheniel stowed bottles of liquor beneath the counter.

"Let us go. Now," he announced. Hastily, the trio bid goodnight to the confused ellith. Neither the twins nor Celebdreth made complaint, instead following Haldir to the front entrance, where carriages and horses awaited those needing rides back home. "Let's take a carriage instead of walking." None objected as they climbed into one of the coaches and closed the door.

Haldir leaned back into his seat, looking perhaps more tired and stressed than he had when they arrived. "Uncle, what ails you?" asked Celebdreth.

"Nothing. I only spoke with some elves about another elf named Thingol."

"You mean Great-great-great-grandfather Thingol?" questioned Elrohir. Haldir sat up from his seat abruptly, causing the other elves to flinch.

"Did Great-great-great-grandfather Thingol have two brothers?"

"Yeah, I think he did. Olme and Elwe or something," Elladan guessed sleepily.

"Elmo and Olwe."

"Yes! Exactly!"

Haldir rubbed his head. This was going to be an even longer night. 


	9. Climbing the Family Tree

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

Haldir tapped the excess ink from the quill and placed it into the tray on Rumil's desk. Carefully he resealed the jar of ink and shook the paper that had been resting on the drawing table. The indigo ink stood out in stark contrast to the cream colored parchment he had been working on these past few weeks. Satisfied that the ink was dry enough, he rolled the parchment, tucked it under his arm, and hastily blew out the candles and retrieved the books he had been using.

The sound of hooves had alerted him to the fact that the rest of the family had returned from their vacation. He had expected them back soon, but for some reason thought they would return during the daylight hours. Constantly he had to remind himself that this was Valinor, a place where one need not worry at what time one traveled.

Upstairs he went, banging on the door to the 'Bachelor Pad', the rooms shared by his three nephews, as he went by to his own suite of rooms. Depositing his scroll safely under his pillow to be guarded by Nibbles, the purple plush rabbit, he returned to the Bachelor Pad and banged on the door again.

"Uncle, it is either too late or too early to speak to you now."

"They have come back!"

A number of sounds could be heard from within the rooms, most of them panicked. Celebdreth wrenched the door open, fumbling to retie his sleeping pants properly. "Elladan refuses to get up. Elrohir is trying to persuade him to." Behind the youngest, Haldir heard what sounded like someone lifting up a bed and tipping it over. Sighing and rubbing his temples, two matched voices rose up. Shaking his head, he headed down the steps with Celebdreth following.

One stop more, to the main parlor. Haldir replaced the volumes of history where they had been found. When he reached the hallway again, he found Celebdreth and a very disgruntled Elladan sitting on the stairs. "Where is your brother?" asked the former march warden.

Elladan pointed above his head. "Still upstairs," he yawned. "Decided it was better not to show them tonight."

Haldir frowned, but nodded. "This isn't quite how I expected things to play out," he said, opening the front door. "Everybody ready?" The other two elves nodded, and they exited, the crisp evening air causing Elladan to shiver slightly. Haldir reached up to smooth down Celebdreth's tangled mass of hair. Barefooted, it was obvious to see Haldir was shorter than most elves, and over the past weeks he had become used to the difference in height. The three of them stood on the porch of the First Homely House until the carriages pulled up in front and stopped.

Haldir, Elladan, and Celebdreth waited until the coaches had been emptied, then, unable to contain themselves, they yelled, "Surprise!" Elladan swung his arms to the southern side of the house, where the addition stood, completely finished.

Elrond, like the others, blinked in surprise. He walked across the lawn past the patio to the doors that matched those on the first half of the First Homely House. "It is done." He looked to Elladan. "The interior?"

Elladan shrugged. "We had to make a few educated guesses about things, but the majority of it was finished already. Shall we give you a tour, or are you all too tired from your journey?"

"Though I had planned upon sleep, I will gladly look at the work you have done." Elrond looked around. "Where is Elrohir?"

"Not feeling well," Elladan said quickly, moving to open the doors. "Now, tell us what you think. And please, be honest." Holding the door open, Elladan waited until everyone was in the new part of the First Homely House before walking from room to room, describing the work that had been done.

"Truly, you have all outdone yourselves." Elrond sat down on a long padded bench that spanned the North side of the new parlor. "Who is responsible for the furniture?" Celebdreth raised his hand, somewhat shyly. "It is the work of a master. I have no doubt your skills in woodcarving were passed from your uncle."

Orophin shrugged. "I taught him a thing or two. An elf has to be able to do something if he can't sing or play the flute."

"We never said you couldn't sing," pointed out Rumil. "We just said you couldn't sing well."

"Same difference. I suppose our dear brother was the mastermind behind getting all of this done before our return?" Orophin looked to Haldir, who shook his head.

"Nay, it was Elrohir who suggested it, and Elrohir who was in charge," admitted Haldir. "I served as master room painter and floor sweeper." This elicited laughter from most, though someone seemed to be missing. "Where is Celebrian?" wondered Haldir aloud.

Elrond looked up, somewhat in alarm. Ever since coming to Valinor, he had been protective of his dear Celebrian, and had insisted, unknown to his wife, that he or one of her brothers know her whereabouts at all times. "In the other room perhaps? Celebrian!" he called, but no answer was received. Worry etched his face, and he stood and went to the door. "Celebrian!"

At first there was nothing, but the response came in the form of a surprised yelp from the other half of the house. Elrond headed to the front doors, Haldir and Celeborn following close behind. "I do not think she is in any danger, Elrond," Haldir told him as they left the Second Homely House to enter the first.

Elrond wasn't listening. "Damn the plans and my not putting a walkway between the first floors. What a nuisance this will be." He reached the doors of the First Homely House, but they flew open before he could reach the handle. Celebrian grabbed for Elrond, tugging at his sleeve. "You have to come upstairs. Now."

"Why? What is the matter?" Elrond drew himself nearer to Celebrian, his arms holding her protectively.

"Well, it isn't a balrog or anything like that." The three elves trembled a bit at the name of the beast, even Celeborn, who had not thought of such evil since arriving here. "It is your son. Come see what he has done."

Elrond looked suspiciously at his brother-in-law. "Am I not going to be pleased about something?"

Haldir shifted his feet, looking to the ground like an elfling about to be scolded. "I didn't encourage him, nor did I discourage him. I didn't think it my place."

"If he has bonded while we were away... " Elrond paused. "Actually, if he has bonded, I suppose that would be just wonderful, considering I kept pushing them both to do so while we lived in Imladris."

"He has not bound himself, Elrond. Not to my knowledge, at the least," answered Haldir, eyes still cast down.

"Nay, it is much worse than bonding." Celebrian pulled Elrond into the house and up the stairs. "It will not take long to see, either."

Elrond opened his mouth to guess something else, but decided voicing concerns would only give anyone listening other ideas. This would be especially bad if Elrohir was the one listening, if he indeed had done something displeasing.

"It is not like Elrohir," he commented as they climbed to the third story. "Elladan, most certainly. But if Elrohir does something, it is likely Elladan was a coconspirator."

"For the record," Haldir added, "Elladan was greatly against... well... " Elrond had reached the door of the Bachelor Pad and knocked on it with a firm but gentle tap.

"Go away, Ada. I do not want you to laugh at me, too."

Elrond eyed his wife suspiciously. "After the initial shock, well... " Celebrian rapped her knuckles on the door. "Elrohir! Open this door right now."

A heavy sigh came from the other side, and Elrohir stood up. He had been sitting with his back against the door, and now opened it barely more than a crack. "Please go away?" he begged.

"Elrohir, I will enter this room." Elrond let one hand wander to the doorknob while he continued to speak. "I will know what is happening in my house. I promise to you that I shall try my hardest not to laugh."

"But you still may laugh."

"I still may laugh," admitted Elrond. "Until you allow me entrance, we shall not know."

Elrohir conceded, stepping back into the room. Elrond pushed the door in, but the room inside was too dark to see anything clearly. "Please, step out into the hall where there is more light." Elrohir did as asked, and Celebrian covered her mouth politely, shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

Elrohir fidgeted, wringing his hands while he met his father's gaze. Elrond lifted a hand to cup his son's chin, and turned Elrohir's head from one side to the other. "Notice I am not laughing," he told Elrohir, and his son relaxed.

"Are you…upset?" questioned Elrohir.

"Nay." Elrond let go of Elrohir. "I am only a little surprised your brother did not follow suit."

"We may be twins, Ada, but we are still individuals." Elrohir shrugged. "He has no interest in his heritage from men. I suppose if I hadn't been so close to him, I might have stayed behind instead of sailing." He bit his lip upon this revelation, and his mother stopped smiling.

Elrond merely nodded. "We are all assembled in the other parlor. I do not know how long we shall be awake, but we would certainly appreciate your company."

Elrohir shook his head. "I am long overdue for a full night of sleep. But I would be most interested in speaking with you in the morning." His voice hinted that this would not be friendly chatter over the morning meal, but a serious talk in his father's library. Elrond nodded, and embraced his son. Elrohir smiled. "I am glad to see you again, Ada. And, Nana, you too," he added, reaching one hand over to his mother, still hugging Elrond.

"So you are going to…keep it." Celebrian lifted her hand up, reaching for Elrohir's face, but drew back. "Hasn't anyone... said anything about it."

"They have asked, but no one has been rude, if that is what you mean. I wouldn't care if they were, either," Elrohir said as he stepped back from his father.

Celebrian nodded, stepped forward and kissed Elrohir on his forehead. "I'm sorry I laughed at you, little star, I just couldn't help it. I have never seen sduch a young elf with a beard before. I have to ask you what caused you to think to do this."

"I am tired, after three thousand years, of shaving every morning. Keeping up appearances as an elf, it becomes tiring, does it not, Ada?" Elrohir looked at his father.

"I suppose it isn't the highlight of my day," admitted Elrond, "but it is part of who I am. A reminder, I suppose, of the choice I was given, of the generosity of the Valar to allow one who might have remained mortal the chance to be counted among the elves."

"That isn't all, though. I was always a little jealous of Estel, and the other rangers. When we would travel, Elladan and I were often mistaken for teen-aged boys instead of old warriors. We looked to be children, yet we knew their ancestors. Plus," and here Elrohir blushed, "Estel seemed to be more popular with women because of it, they really seemed to like it a lot."

Elrond raised a brow, his question clear to Elrohir. "Oh, no, Ada, he never would have done anything he shouldn't. He never did. If he had wanted, the opportunity was there." The eyebrow rose higher. "But I told you he did not. Would I have allowed my sister to marry a man unworthy of her?" This seemed to satisfy Elrond, and the eyebrow retreated.

"I wish I could grow a beard." The conversation turned as Celeborn cleared his throat. "I always liked Mithrandir's," he commented wistfully. "Gives him that sort of wise look. It is difficult being 'Celeborn the Wise' when you look barely a day over five hundred."

None remarked upon this, and Celeborn continued. "Once I remember seeing Mithrandir stroking the hair on his chin as he contemplated things. I began to think that that might be how he got it to grow." Celeborn demonstrated the motion, smiling ruefully. "I spent days when in private trying impossibly to grow one, and by the end of the week, the skin on my face was unbearably raw. Galadriel laughed for years to come, and I still have not fully forgiven myself for such a silly thing." The other elves chuckled, and Celeborn pressed a bit further, "'Tis a shame, for Galadriel admitted to me once how greatly fond she is of facial hair on men."

"As opposed to... facial hair on women?" wondered Celebrian.

"So that is why she was fond of the dwarf... " mused Haldir.

Elrond took the opportunity to close the subject, lest he discover anything more of his in-laws he need not know. "There, Elrohir, you see, your Grandmother will be thrilled to see what you have done. And now, the journey was long, and I wish to relax before I retire. Good night, Elrohir." Father and son embraced again, and Elrond led the party back to the Second Homely House.

Haldir made a slight detour, retrieving his scroll from earlier, before joining them in the parlor. On his way, he passed Elladan and Celebdreth heading back to their rooms in an attempt to sleep once again.

Everyone was lazily admiring the room as Haldir entered, some sitting and some lounging, and Orophin sprawled on the floor. There were no tables in this room, much of the design having been stolen from the Hall of Fire. Haldir took up a space on the floor next to Orophin. "It is wonderful having everyone back."

"Were the twins and my son really that bad?" asked Nenniach. Haldir smiled and shook his head.

"It is not that I was discontent with my nephews, it is that I missed the rest of you. What news from the cities beyond?" Haldir fiddled with the scroll, turning it in his hands.

"Nothing that cannot wait." Galadriel was leaning back on one of the couches, Celeborn beside her. Haldir noted that although one who knew her well would have determined she was pregnant before the trip, anyone who saw her now would be fairly certain that she was. "What item of interest do you bring to show us?"

Haldir rolled the paper back and forth upon the ground. "I met someone while you were away." Everyone was focused on him now, and he blushed at the number of grins sent in his direction. "No, not that. It was two elves that I met, though there was an elleth... but that isn't what this is about," he added quickly, unrolling the parchment. He spread it out on the floor so that it was visible to all in the room. "Did anyone else know about this?"

Displayed on the sheet, in the hand of someone not steady with a quill, was an incomplete family tree. While his siblings and in-laws moved in closer, tracing from their names to the names of others, his parents sat calmly on the couch. "I am sure that many know of this, though of those in this room, only your mother and I, and perhaps Elrond, knew the full extent of things." Celeborn leaned forward, specifically addressing Haldir. "What would you have me say? That I was ignorant that I had fallen in love with my second cousin? And what reason would you have me give for my actions? We are not like men, we do not multiply as fast or in such great numbers. And in the end, an elf has little choice in the matter once he has found the other half of his soul." He sat back again, sliding an arm around his wife.

"Do not think we have deceived you in any way, Haldir," offered Galadriel. "Elves do not follow the rules set down by men. We follow our hearts."

"Shoot, Clebri, look!" Orophin drew his finger across the sheet. "You and I could have had a future together, we're only third cousins." Both Celebrian and Elrond found pillows to throw at Orophin. Valarda opted for tugging on one of his braids.

"And look!" he continued, seemingly not getting the hint. "The way this reads, Haldir, Arwen was your first cousin three times removed, or your third cousin twice removed, depending on how you look at things. Either way, I think you might have been able to make a case on that."

Haldir narrowed his eyes at Orophin. "I didn't do this so that you could mock me."

"I am not mocking you!" Orophin said, looking up in shock. "I am attempting to justify things. Ada," Orophin caught Celeborn off guard, "if Haldir had come to you and said, 'I am going to court my third cousin', would you have had issue with that?"

"I don't know, Orophin. Go ask your mother."

"Nana." Orophin sat up from his position on the floor. "If Haldir-"

"Ask your sister, it is her daughter," Galadriel suggested. Haldir had crossed his arms and was glaring menacingly at his younger brother.

Orophin huffed, but addressed Celebrian. "Dear sister, if our brother were to-"

Celebrian held up her hand to stop him. "I am not giving you an answer to that."

"Rumil." Orophin cleared his throat while his younger brother gave the appearance of a deer caught at the business end of an arrow. "If Haldir came to you and said, 'I think I am in love with my third cousin', how would you have reacted?"

Rumil gave the question thought for some time. "Well, you're my favorite brother... " he said, looking to Orophin. Haldir frowned, as Rumil continued. "And you're my favorite cousin... " Rumil leapt up from his chair as Haldir jumped up, the youngest taking refuge behind Celebrian.

"What am I, then?" she asked, pouting.

"You are my favorite sister," he answered, reaching his arms around to embrace her. "And my favorite third cousin, and second uncle, and whatever else you might turn out to be." He stumbled away as Celebrian made a swipe for him, and swiftly made exit, chased by Celebrian and Haldir. 


	10. 31 Coire

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

When Haldir awoke, he couldn't breathe. His eyes were open wide, and his fist curled into the sheets. In the next moment he gasped for air, tasting the bitterness of his own tears. Eyes still open; he refused to blink though they burned. He would not let the nightmare come to him again.

But it was no dream.

Screams came from down the hall. A male voice, in great agony. Haldir pulled the covers over his head, pressing one ear into his pillows and a hand over the other, trying in vain to drown out the tortured cries of Elrond. His other hand reached for something of comfort, the rabbit beside him, and he drew it under the covers, waiting for the screaming to subside.

Elrohir didn't do much more than pull his shirt from the day before over his head before following his brother and cousin from their rooms into the hall. They paused, knowing well where the sounds came from, unsure of how to proceed. "El, go next door and find Grandpapa and Grandmother. Celebdreth, see if your parents are awake." Elrohir waited for them to maneuver around him to the stairway, and took a deep breath before knocking on the door to his parents' room. "Ada? Nana?" On the other side of the door, he could hear sobbing, mingled with mournful wails. His own heart sank as he began to realize what had happened.

When Elladan and Celebdreth returned with the rest of the household, they found Elrohir sitting on the floor, one hand placed against the door while he wept into the other. Elladan crouched down, pulling Elrohir against him, looking at the others with extreme concern.

"Come, Elladan, take your brother to your rooms. There is nothing you can do at the moment, and I do not wish you to see this." Celeborn's words were commanding, and both he and Celebdreth assisted Elrohir in standing and getting back to their rooms. Celeborn followed them, closing the door once his grandsons were inside. He turned to look at his children in the hallway. "Neither can the rest of you help, not right now. In the morning, you will be needed." The four elves nodded sadly, though they reassembled in the parlor instead of their rooms.

Celeborn frowned deeply. "Haldir was not among them. Do you think he may still be asleep?"

Galadriel shook her head. "But first, there are more important matters." Her hand turned the knob slowly, and carefully she opened the door to the chambers shared by Elrond and Celebrian.

Elrond had backed himself into a corner, drawn his knees, and rested his bowed head upon them. Celebrian had done her best to wrap her arms around her grieving husband, and now looked up at her mother, unsure of what to do now. Though the screaming had all but stopped, Elrond still whimpered sorrowfully as Celebrian clung to him.

Galadriel approached him, still graceful despite the gained weight. She knelt down to face Elrond, smoothing back his hair. She did not offer him any words to lift his pain, nor did she attempt to cast a spell to lull him to sleep. Feeling the presence of another close by, she watched as Celeborn positioned himself on the side of Elrond opposite his daughter. Together they sat in silence as Elrond grieved.

- - -

Elrohir was in much the same position as his father, sitting on his bed and rocking slightly. He had wanted to go to his father, but his brother and cousin had prevented him from leaving the room. And so he sat - tired, upset, angry, and confused - staring out the window at some far-off point in the distance.

"El, please, listen to Grandpapa's words. There is nothing to be done now." Elladan placed a hand on Elrohir's shoulder, but it was shrugged off. "El, I hurt as well! I loved him as a brother! We knew him for years longer than most, he lived thrice the years of other men! But he was mortal, we both knew that this day would come."

"I mourn not only for him, El. I grieve for our dear, sweet sister. If only we had stayed, lingered yet a little longer for her. It is for her which I lament." Elrohir's shaking slowed until he did little more than tremble. "We should be there now for her, to comfort her. Instead, she is alone with her sorrow."

"She has her children, El. Her friends. I can not believe Erestor is not there, and perhaps Glorfindel or Legolas. She is not alone, my brother."

"But it should be her family who should be with her," protested Elrohir. "Why didn't I stay?" His fists hit the mattress on either side of him. Elladan looked at Celebdreth and nodded toward the door. Knowing not to argue, the young elf quickly removed himself from the room.

Wandering down to the first floor, Celebdreth followed the voices coming from the parlor. Still in their nightclothes, he found his parents, Uncle Orophin, and Aunt Valarda sitting on the floor around the fireplace sharing their thoughts and a bottle of Gondorian brandy, one of just a few Orophin had brought with him to Valinor.

"Come, dearest, sit among the elders and have a drink," offered Valarda, scooting over to make room for Celebdreth. He bowed his head a bit in thanks and shuffled over to the spot on the floor. "Celebdreth of Valinor, what news of the third floor?" she asked, taking a swig from the bottle.

"I do not know what is happening with Uncle Elrond. It seems Auntie Clebri is with him, as are Grandfather and Granana. Elrohir is upset, and Elladan is trying to comfort him, but I do not think he wishes comfort." Celebdreth took the bottle as it was offered. The liquid was not like the drinks he preferred. It felt like fire on his tongue and the taste was not at all pleasing. All that was forgotten as his body tingled then relaxed right down to the tips of his toes. He drank once again before handing the brandy to his mother. "I do not understand why he would wish to be in pain when so many around him would help him ease his distress."

"I think it is a quality specific to his lineage. One must consider he is not completely an elf," Nenniach pointed out, but her husband strongly disagreed.

"If that is true, Orophin must not be completely elf," he argued, taking the bottle from her. "I remember numerous times when we almost lost Haldir, and each time, he was completely unreachable," he said, nodding across the half-circle at Orophin.

Orophin shrugged. "I did not feel in those instances like talking about whether my brother would survive or be pulled to the halls by Namo. Speaking of unapproachable elves, I still do not think my nose has entirely healed from that very last incident."

Rumil considered this. "I did promise Haldir I would eventually get him for his runaway act, didn't I? And it has been far more than a week..." Rumil smirked as he sipped from the bottle.

"I guess that being an only child doesn't allow for the same feelings as having siblings does," concluded Valarda. Nenniach nodded, but Celebdreth shrugged.

"I feel quite close to the twins. I would say they are like brothers," Celebdreth admitted. "And though I was not as close to Arwen, I think I shall still be sad when she passes on."

"Um, sweetie, the reason everyone is so sad is because of..." Nenniach, unable to say the words, looked at her son sympathetically.

Celebdreth furrowed his brow. "Are you sure? From the way Elrohir spoke, I took it to mean it was Estel who had died." The other four elves cringed on his last word. "Was Elrond not close to Estel?"

"He loved him as a son," Rumil nodded. "But from how he cried so, I assumed it was his daughter whom has been lost."

"Perhaps it is Estel who has died, yet indeed his daughter he has lost," Orophin suggested. Turning suddenly to Celebdreth, he asked, "Where is Haldir?"

"He... I do not know," Celebdreth admitted.

"Maybe I should get him," said Orophin after a moment's silence. Valarda placed a hand on his arm.

"Stay. I am sure your mother has control of things."

- - -

When finally Elrond had calmed upon his own terms, he was led to his bed, succumbing to fatigue rather than a desire to rest. Celebrian was knelt beside him, one hand joined to his, while Galadriel held vigil from the end of the half-elf's bed. It was Celeborn who emerged into the hallway to check on the rest of the family.

His first stop was across the hall. Without knocking he entered, turning right into the sleeping quarters of his grandchildren. Only one bed was occupied, and he stepped lightly out of the rooms once again when Elladan raised a finger to his lips, careful not to wake his brother. Elrohir was sleeping deeply next to Elladan, likely slumbering with aid of either 'elvish magic' or strong liquor.

Feeling no need to wonder where Celebdreth had gone to, Celeborn let himself into the rooms at the furthest end of the hall. It was here that he found a motionless lump beneath a royal blue quilt. He said nothing, knowing Haldir knew of his presence. After some time had passed, a voice softly asked for conformation. "He sleeps?"

"That he does. For now."

"I saw it. I thought it was a dream. A nightmare." Still hidden under the covers, Haldir continued. "It was a vision. I had hoped they had gone, but I find that is not true. Now more than ever I do not wish them."

Celeborn lowered himself onto the bed, avoiding the covered lump. "When they first began, you said you did not wish to ask for help."

"I still do not want help," came the muffled reply. "But I ask for it now, from you. Nana does not need another worry."

"That she does not," agreed Celeborn. "You should talk to her in time. Perhaps to Elrond, if you are more comfortable. Though I do not share so much in their gifts of foresight, I can teach you to better control your thoughts. With me you can share your thoughts, and we can meditate." The lump moved slightly, and Celeborn guessed Haldir must be nodding his head.

"He told her to sail. He said she could still go and he would not feel ill toward her." Haldir pulled the covers down with one hand, the rabbit still pulled close to his chest. "She begged him to stay, if only a little longer, that she was not yet ready to depart. He refused, he said he would not pass as an enfeebled old man, and she refused to leave him. And how she cried when at last his breath diminished." Haldir sat up, placing his free hand upon his father's thigh. "She is still crying."

Celeborn saw now that Haldir himself had likely only just stopped. His face was red and swollen, the skin beneath his eyes puffed and not at all elf-like. Hair was matted, the rabbit was damp, and the collar and shoulder of his nightshirt were tear-stained. Drawing his son closer to him, Haldir let out a belated sob. "I don't want her to die, Ada. She can't die. Ada, I love her, though it is wrong, I love her and I-" He ran out of breath, choking, sucked in more air. "I don't know what to do."

"I know of little truth to tell you which would bring peace to your soul," Celeborn said to him. "She has bound herself to her mortality, and what is more, to Elessar. I will not deceive you, she will die."

"She could still sail! He said so, he told her to. It is not so impossible!"

"She will not come to the West," Celeborn sighed. "Truly, would you wish for her to come and hold you only second in her heart? Could you stand a life knowing how much more another had meant to her, one whom she would die for?"

"For her, I would hesitate nothing."

"Ai, Haldir. Her heart does not belong to you. You should not give her yours."

"She has long held it, and I dare not ask now for it back."

Celeborn was at a loss. He had known for some time of his son's hardly secret adoration for his only granddaughter. He had always hoped it should pass in time. Seemingly, it had not. "Come. I shall not have you drown in your tears."

"Leave me," insisted Haldir, pulling away. "I know I have shamed you, I wish to be alone."

"Nay, Haldir. Dwelling here in sorrow will not help your grief."

"Sitting among my family will not alleviate it, either. My thoughts and words are a disgrace to you all."

"Unlike your mother, I am not one to coddle those who proclaim to be what they are not and preach of self pity. You shall shame me by hiding yourself in your room while your brothers worry for you downstairs. Find a clean shirt and meet us in the parlor." Celeborn plucked the purple rabbit from under Haldir's arm. "I may return this when you join us."

Though is was unlikely for Haldir to disobey an order from his father, this new twist did not lead him to rethink getting out of bed to clean himself up as Celeborn soundlessly left the room.

- - -

"You will do no such thing, Rumil," scolded Nenniach. "Your poor brother had been through enough as it is."

"A promise is a promise," he retorted. "I do not wish to be called a liar."

"A liar you might not be called, but a liar you shall be, then."

Valarda watched the exchange with mild amusement. "I think one punch in the nose would be just payment for the trouble he caused us."

"Speak for yourself, my dear," interrupted Orophin, "but as a recipient of one of Rumil's punches to the face, the punishment far outweighs the crime."

"Whoever said I would do naught but punch him?" asked Rumil. "It has been over one hundred years, I do believe interest is due."

"Interest for what?" The elves around the fire turned to see Celeborn in the doorway, the firelight dancing across his form in the early morning hours.

Orophin pulled Valarda onto his lap, patting the open space in a gesture of welcome to his father. "When I dragged our oh so valiant brother back from Rohan, Rumil promised he would seek revenge after a week. Things became busy, Haldir didn't recover quite so quickly, and needless to say, dear Rumil forgot."

"So you plan to punch him now, is that it?" asked Celeborn, setting the purple bunny on the floor next to him and motioning that someone should pass him the brandy.

"Yes," answered Rumil. "And no. I think he deserves more than a punch. Maybe even a kick, or a-" he stopped, noticing the elf in the doorway. "Halli?" He stood, rushing over to him. "Gosh, Halli, you look terrible. Come, sit with us by the fire." Rumil led his eldest brother to the floor, placing him closest to the hearth. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

"Miruvor... knuckle sandwich... " Orophin's words were whispered into Valarda's ear, well below the hearing of others, but his wife pinched him regardless.

Haldir swallowed hard, looking into the fire. "I just wanted to be with my family."

Orophin picked up the rabbit, positioning it so that it was peering over Valarda's shoulder. "And we just want to be with you. Did you bring your old pal Nibbles some carrots?" asked the rabbit, in a high pitched Orophinish voice.

Haldir smiled and reached forward for the rabbit, which Orophin promptly handed over. "I'm a little jealous, Halli. I sometimes wish I had a rabbit of my own."

"Ask the twins. I am sure they would make one for you," said Haldir, positioning the bunny in his lap.

"Is that where it came from?" Celeborn passed the bottle to Valarda. "I had wondered how it came to be."

Footsteps on the stairs told them someone else approached. They were graceful, but heavier than normal for an elf. "Nana sounds tired," said Rumil, glancing toward the stairway. Soon, Galadriel came to the door, quite obviously emotionally spent.

Celeborn was up to greet her in an instant, leading her to the fire before pulling the oversized chair closer for her. "My dear, if I sit down in that, it is not likely I shall get back up," she teased. Celeborn considered this, and replaced the chair with the rocker. Once his wife was settled, Celeborn resumed a spot on the floor, but now his hands were wrapped around Galadriel's feet instead of the brandy bottle. She closed her eyes and sank into the cushions, not about to stop her husband. "Elrond is doing better. He woke and asked to be alone with Celebrian. I checked on the twins, they are both sound asleep, poor things. They will not take things well." Galadriel opened her eyes and laid them upon her oldest son. "Haldir?"

Not wishing to further discuss his vision or his thoughts tonight, he slowly and reluctantly raised his head. "Yes?"

"When we were at the festival, we saw Thranduil there. He is going to be holding a number of celebrations in the coming months, two of which concern you. The second is quite a surprise to me, but he wishes to hold a gathering for the family in honor of the new elfling." She placed a hand on her growing belly with affection.

"That is generous of him," nodded Haldir. "And the first?"

"He is holding a banquet for a number of the great leaders and rulers among the elves," Galadriel answered. "Your father and I shall attend, as will Elrond and Celebrian. Invitation has of course been extended to you as well."

"Why would a former guardian of the woods be invited to such an event?" Haldir wondered. Galadriel laughed.

"He isn't inviting a former Captain, he is inviting a former King."

Orophin almost spilled the brandy in his excitement. "That is right! You were King of the Infested Forest! Still are, technically, are you not?"

Haldir crossed his arms, giving his brother his most arrogant single-raised eyebrow look. "And I would lock you in my dungeons if we were there now."

"Not a problem," Orophin said. "From what I hear, they keep neither gangly hobbit nor hearty dwarf imprisoned for long. I would be out by nightfall."

Galadriel let a hand slide across Celeborn's shoulder, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, then." The lord stood up abruptly, hiding his blush. "It has been a busy night, and we are overdue to retire. Until the morning, my children, and a late morning at that, I should think." They bid them all goodnight, and soon were followed by Celebdreth and his parents.

Valarda sat now between Orophin and Haldir as the fire slowly flickered and faded. She linked one arm with Orophin and the other with Haldir. "We could go out and get drunk on the beach again. In honor of King Elessar, of course."

"Oh, of course. For no other reason." Winked Orophin.

"Oro." Haldir turned, looking around Valarda to his brother. "Oro, why is Thranduil holding a gathering for our family?"

"He calls it a reunion. Although, he was a little sad that his younger son is not yet in Valinor, he thinks it is time now to have one."

"That is all well and good, but I do not understand why he is the one organizing it," Haldir said.

Orophin blinked. "Well, why can't he."

Haldir shifted his gaze to the smoldering logs. "Oh."

Unable to completely control his laughter, Orophin snickered. "Even I knew he was related to us."

"Thank you for informing me, oh fountain of knowledge," grumbled Haldir.

"You are most welcome, oh king of the infested forest," replied Orophin.

The fire spat and crackled and the last ember turned to grey ash. Outside the skies were pale blue-grey, the morning promising to be overcast. "You know what we could do..." suggested Valarda, letting the suggestion hang in midair.

Haldir tossed his rabbit onto the chair, then pulled Valarda up off of the floor, who then yanked Orophin into a standing position. Orophin grabbed the half-empty bottle of brandy from the floor, then retrieved a jug of good wine from the kitchen before following his wife and brother onto the beach. In the fading moonlight, the three drank to the Gondorian king, singing their eulogies into the East.

"No man was he, but a mortal elf. I drink to all he did and all he was, and whatever he may yet become!" shouted Orophin to the sea.

"Never truer his words, never greater his heart. A leader, a lover, a fighter, a friend. Beware, Mandos, into your midst comes the king of all kings!" warned Valarda, her words washed upon the waves.

"You fought beside me in battle, and for that, I shall always respect you. You held me once in death, and for that, I shall always remember you." Haldir paused, blinking away the tears that came. "You cherished the elleth I loved in ways I could not, and for that, I shall always love you. Use wisely your gift, and dwell not long in the halls, Estel, my friend. Namarie." 


	11. Strawberry Cake

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

Haldir had to be dreaming.

In fact, he knew for certain he was. The last few days had been rough, and that was putting things mildly. He had attempted to occupy his time with one task after another, each one completed with only a minor amount of enthusiasm. At night he would sit on the beach tirelessly playing his flute, a constant stream of mournful notes floating out to sea. For the better part of a week this continued, and his refusal to rest was driven by the fear that she might appear in his reverie.

It was on the fourth or fifth night after his vision - Haldir had lost count by now, for day and night seemed to flow together - that he was commanded by Elrond to sleep. Whether this was due to the fact that he could barely see straight and nearly walked into the kitchen door and then table on his way to the evening meal, or that he snarled at Elrond during dinner when asked to pass the rolls, one will never quite know. It was quite clear, however, during the 'discussion' that followed that Haldir was neither to question the decision nor try to appeal it. Throwing down his napkin on the table, he left without so much as a goodnight to anyone, but heard the end of the conversation in the kitchen as he stomped up the stairs.

"Elladan! Elrohir! Follow him up there and make sure he doesn't jump out of the window and go to the beach. If I have to manage through another night of midnight melodies, I shall break his flute over his head."

"Adar," pleaded Elrohir, "I think he is taking things rather badly. He does not want to talk to anyone about what has happened, and I think he shall object to your treating him as if he were an elfling."

"I do not care whether he objects or not!" Elrond informed his sons. "Use whatever means necessary to keep him in his bed until the sun rises! I care not if you must bind him to the mattress or bar the door, he is not to come back down these stairs until he has rested!"

After a moment, Haldir had heard two sets of feet on the stairs, following, but keeping a great distance. Haldir did not bother to undress, throwing himself down on his bed in a huff. He would not rest, he would not sleep. He would stay awake for the next century, if only to further aggravate Elrond, though what purpose such would serve, Haldir did not know. It was thusly that he was caught off guard; thoughts straying just long enough to make him forget his goal and accidentally drift off to sleep.

For most elves, sleep was not a pleasant situation. Why rest and have dreams when one could control the images and relive happy memories? Haldir had adopted the idea of sleeping from his many ventures into the land of men, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Dreaming, too, was pleasurable. The inability to know the outcome was exciting to him, and in the rare instances that he could safely partake in sleeping while he was in Lothlorien, he did so.

He knew he was dreaming when he smelled the scent of strawberries and sponge cake waft through the halls and under the crack beneath his door. Knew that even as he left his bed, he was still really there. Knew that the empty house, with its bare walls, was little more than an illusion, a stark contrast to the colorful liveliness he had grown accustomed to. Knew when he opened the door of the kitchen and saw his dark haired mentor of years past that he was dreaming still.

Erestor was in the kitchen, standing at the counter. "Took you long enough, penneth."

"It has been a bad week for me," replied Haldir, sliding into one of the chairs at the table.

"You and me both." Erestor was settling two plates onto the counter and was now looking through the utensil drawer. On the counter sat a large iced cake, pink frosting adorning the white outer shell with squiggles and stars.

Haldir yawned and pushed his long pale hair behind his back, realizing this was not quite a dream. On very few occasions had he far-spoken with anyone while he was asleep. The last time had been rather odd, for he had not exactly been the intended recipient, and had been interrupted during a somewhat erotic dream. Quickly, Haldir glanced down to be sure he was dressed this time. Erestor approached the table, placing one plate in front of Haldir, and sitting down at the spot where he had placed the other.

For a moment, the two of them sat in silence, doing nothing more than eating cake. Erestor watched as Haldir began to toy with his piece, flicking chunks around the plate with his fork. "Care to share a dream with me?"

Haldir shrugged. "I thought we already were."

"Of course." Erestor wiped his mouth with his napkin and placed it aside. Long, elegant fingers folded themselves onto the table in front of him. "Although I had something a little different in mind. It regards a certain warden of Lorien - we'll refer to him as Haldir, for ease of remembrance - and the daughter of a lord, let's just call her... I don't know, Arwen sounds like as good a name as any. So this Haldir elf, he thought he had fallen in love with Arwen-"

"I am in love with her," corrected Haldir.

"No, no, no, penneth. You love her, yes, obviously nothing to deny there. But you are not in love with her. They are two similar things, and yet very, very different. It's like comparing peaches and strawberries. Both fruits are very sweet to taste, but you must admit, the difference is huge. The way they look, the way they grow, and the way they feel." Erestor paused and picked his fork up again. "You love Arwen."

Haldir nodded.

"You are not in love with Arwen."

Haldir sat motionless.

"Ah, and that is where Arwen's one true love enters, some three thousand years later or whatever it was. No elf is he, but a man. We shall call him... " Erestor contemplated things, fork stirring at the air as if the name would come to him. "...Smellyranger. And Smellyranger," he continued, despite Haldir's chuckle, "loved her very much, married her, had children with her, and so on. He is gone now, but I shall not give details for I would not be contacting you had I not known that you knew. Soon Arwen will join him, and do you know why that is, penneth?"

"Because she is in love with him," said Haldir. "And he is in love with her."

"I always knew you to be the brightest one of the family," nodded Erestor. "Her decision to become mortal, to stay with Smellyranger, was not one easily made. She hurt many, including herself, with that choice. Still, she would have faded in Valinor had she come. So, if truly you love her, be happy with her choice, for she has had over a century of complete happiness. Though her eventual fate remains unknown, I must imagine she and Smellyranger will somehow continue to be together for eternity. Whatever the case may be they are nearing the end of their journey in our world. You, penneth, you are the one I have concern for."

"Do not worry yourself over me." Haldir waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, and was surprised when his hand was caught by the older elf.

"Haldir, lasto beth nîn. Tolo dan na ngalad. You continue to fade even as we speak, and all for naught. Have you once thought of the fate of your true soul mate if you were to fade?" Erestor let go of Haldir's hand. "If I only knew where the other half of your soul wandered, I would write a letter of recommendation on your behalf."

Haldir waited for the rest, but Erestor remained silent. "So what is this dream you wish to share with me?"

"And they all lived happily ever after."

"That is a dream."

"Aye, it is a good dream. You may not believe this now, but both Arwen and Smellyranger are going to live happily ever after." This comment drew another wry smile from Haldir, and Erestor continued. "The fairytale is nearing its end for them, but yours is but a few scratches of notes in the margins. You have all the time in the world, and I think in the end, you shall indeed live happily ever after."

Haldir slumped back down into his chair. "What did I do to the Valar to end up in such a predicament?"

"I don't think you did anything." Erestor went back to eating his cake. "Look at my situation. Living for thousands of years in the same house with someone, knowing them for millennia, and suddenly finding out one day that you've been bonded without knowledge or consent since the beginning of the Third Age. Quite a shocker, I can tell you that. Still having trouble sorting things out."

Haldir's mouth hung open. "Who? How? When did that happen?" he blurted out.

Erestor made his own dismissive gesture with assistance from his fork. "I shall share the tale with you when I have come to Valinor. It is not one for far-speaking, for walls sometimes have ears, and far-speaking as I rest drains me greater than doing so as I am awake."

"Could you not have contacted me during the day then?" asked Haldir.

"Not with the way you were going about things!" Erestor told him, mildly annoyed. "You barely stopped to breathe, silly elf. It is a good thing Elrond had the sense to send you to bed." Haldir looked confused at this comment, but Erestor seemed not to notice. "I do not want you to fade. You haven't given up on anything before, and now is not the most practical time to do so. You have your family, you are living in a lovely house from what I am told, have a wonderfully cute and fluffy purple rabbit, and there are reportedly a number of very lovely elleths who wish to get to know you better. Do not fret and fuss and say such behavior would be inappropriate, for your pre-Captain excursions were near legendary in days past."

Haldir had the decency to blush before asking, "How do you know so much?"

"Please, Haldir, I have little time left to talk. And I thought by now you would have just accepted my extreme brilliance and left it not to be questioned." Erestor cleared his throat. "Pass on any or all of the information I am going to share with you that you like, though I know you are aware already of some things, and perhaps in more detail than I. King Elessar has indeed passed, his wife is in mourning. I am to travel at week's end with Glorfindel and Asfaloth to Imladris. We are to be accompanied by Legolas Thranduilion and Gimli, son of Gloin. They have further plans to sail West, but Glorfindel and I had sworn an oath to your father that we would not leave until all of his grandchildren had made decision upon their fate, whether that be to sail or declare themselves mortal. However, we also swore to Lord Elrond that we would be sure his daughter would not be alone in her final days, and plan to keep that final vow of service to him. We have yet to hear the call of the sea, though I think we shall sail in time. Arwen wishes to travel with us to Rivendell, alas, I think we may only make Lothlorien before she embraces death."

Haldir nodded. "I shall tell everyone. I think Elrond will be relieved to know she will not be left alone and forgotten."

"None could forget the Evenstar," smiled Erestor. "But are you comforted by this news?"

Slowly Haldir nodded. "I cannot say I no longer grieve, but it does lift my spirits and lighten my heart."

"Good. For that I am glad. Now I must go. I see the next year to be challenging in many ways." Erestor stood up, brushing the crumbs off of his robes. "Be good to yourself, Haldir, I think the Valar have seen you do enough penance for whatever transgressions you might think you are at fault of doing."

Again Haldir nodded as he watched Erestor walk to the kitchen door. "Take care, Erestor, and thank you for..." Haldir motioned his hands in front of him, trying to decide what to call that which had occurred. Erestor stood calmly in the doorway. "...thank you for the strawberry cake," he finally settled on, motioning to his now empty plate.

"Hmm. And here I believed it to be peach cobbler. Such is the wonder of dreaming." Erestor bowed his head slightly. "Good evening, penneth. Rest well."

"Thank you, Master Erestor. You as well."

Erestor turned to leave, then walked back. "Nearly I forgot. I have one last thing to give to you. Verse four of a poem I wrote. It has been a work in progress, for additions are made only when elflings are near to being born." Erestor cleared his throat and recited,

"Little elfling, when you wake

The waves, upon the beach shall break

Little elfling, 'cross the sea

The shores, 'tis where you'll always be."

"It is sealed in my memory and I shall add it to the rest of the poem in the morning," Haldir promised.

Erestor gave another curt nod. "I know you shall. And now, I must go. Namarie." As almost an afterthought, Erestor called over his shoulder, "Please, give my congratulations to your sister."

"My sister?" Haldir tried to follow after Erestor to demand meaning to his words, but found himself frozen in place. The link had been lost, and Haldir now found himself merely dreaming.

Haldir had to be dreaming.

Haldir had to talk to Celebrian in the morrow.

Haldir had to have some more strawberry cake.

- - -

Erestor walked through the mist, out of Haldir's mind and into the shared consciousness of two others. Into the corridor of the hallway he came, and two elves rose from the stairs.

"Will he be alright?" asked Elrohir.

"He will. In time."

"Are you coming to Valinor?" asked Elladan.

"I will. In time."

In a jumble, the twins began to try to explain the past years to Erestor, but he covered his ears and shook his head. "I do not have the constitution you have for far-speaking. You have each other to ground yourselves; I have lingered far too long and do not wish to lose myself here. Soon, I will come. Do not worry yourselves. Look after Haldir, he is a mess, but he will pull through. Now, I must bid you farewell, and ask you not to contact me thusly again. The next time we speak I shall contact you." Elrohir and Elladan nodded. "Truly, do I have your assurances?" Both of them nodded again in earnest. Erestor smiled, and drew them into a rare hug. "Too long has it been. I am glad to see you are both well. Your sister sends her love to you, and to your parents as well. You are to tell your father from her 'Thank you, papa'. He will know the meaning. I must depart. Namarie."

Erestor was gone then, and Elrohir sighed, brushing away an errant tear. "I wish he would have stayed long enough for us to tell him about the other baby."

"You do understand that other baby will be our aunt," pointed out Elladan. Elrohir chuckled and leaned his head against Elladan's. "Come, I haven't had a good dream in some time." Elladan pulled Elrohir down the stairs. "And I have the greatest urge to conjure up peach cobbler."

"Really?" Elrohir licked his lips. "Can we have it with strawberry cake?"

"Please, El," scolded Elladan mockingly. "One always has strawberry cake with peach cobbler." 


	12. The Music of Falling Leaves

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

At breakfast the next morning, the atmosphere was a little warmer, and the family a little closer. For Haldir, the day had begun when he climbed out of bed, readied himself for the day, and knocked upon the door to his sister's room. Meaning to ask her just what Erestor had been talking about congratulating her for, he was unsure of what to say when it was his brother-in-law who answered.

He stared at Elrond for some time. Ever since finding out about Elessar, the two had said little to one another. After thinking of his horrible behavior the last few days, Haldir settled on delivering an apology. The most he was able to come up with was, "I'm sorry, Elrond... I'm just... so very sorry." It was not clear who initiated the hug, nor which of them was more in need of it. They stood in the doorway, Celebrian dashing back into the library when she saw them there, deciding they likely did need the moment alone.

It was only when the door opened across the hall that Haldir and Elrond both stepped back. Three elves stood, snickering none too quietly. "We saw that," announced Elladan. "Your reputations of being two of the most stoic elves in Valinor will be ruined by lunch."

"Funny," mused Haldir as he walked past them to get to the stairs, brow raised high. "I would have thought my sleeping habits would have done that for me by now."

"Sleeping habits, or sleeping rabbits?" joked Celebdreth behind him.

"Habits, rabbits, it's all the same, is it not?"

Elrohir sighed and smiled. "Finally, he is coming back to us."

- - -

After the meal, Haldir found himself attempting to corner Celebrian, to no avail. First, it was Elrond who occupied her time, discussing with her the plans for the various events Thranduil had been planning. Next, her sons plagued her with reasons why they should not be forced to attend the various events Thranduil had been planning, but each issue came to an end with the response of "Go ask your adar."

When the twins finally left the parlor, Haldir tossed the book of poems he had been updating into the chair and climbed over the back of the couch, much to the surprise of Celebrian. "I didn't know you were still here," she admitted.

Haldir waved this off. "I have to ask you something."

"Celebrian! My dearest, I wish to speak with you." Galadriel glided into the room just as Haldir was about to ask his question. Celebrian beamed with delight, standing up to embrace her mother. Haldir fumed, arms crossed, a scowl spreading across his face. "Haldir, darling child, would you kindly see what mischief your father is making on the beach? He has been there since breakfast."

"Nana, I am much of the mind to speak with my sister."

Galadriel motioned for Celebrian to sit once again, and approached Haldir, drawing him up into an embrace as well. "As am I to speak with her, my little warrior. Have patience. Come back later." Haldir, quite obviously defeated, kissed his mother's cheek and left the room.

- - -

On the beach, Celeborn had spread a quilt out on the ground. He was lounging on one side, and there was not only room enough for another to take up residence beside him, but it appeared that someone had indeed been there from how the blanket was settled on the ground. Celeborn regarded Haldir was a look of surprise. "I thought your mother was going to return. Come, sit with me and listen to the sea."

Haldir sat down, but the urge to lie and absorb the rays of the sun proved too much. Soon he was resting his head on his arms above him, legs resting on the quilt - one knee up, one knee down. "Nana seemed to think you might get into trouble out here by yourself."

"Your nana is a wise elleth," smirked Celeborn. From his robes, he removed a quill, jar of ink, and a pad of paper. "Haldir, there is something I want to talk to you about, and I think I shall hurt your feelings, but if I say nothing, it is my feelings which shall be hurt. Although I have always thought it a father's duty to place their own feelings second to those of their children, this is one matter of which I feel strongly."

"You want to name the elfling."

Celeborn sat up, looking offended. "I had an entire speech planned, the least you might have done was allowed me to finish."

Haldir sat up as well and brushed the stray grains of sand from his pants. "By all means."

Celeborn's gaze drifted here and there, across the sea, to the house. By the time his eyes settled back upon his son, he had forgotten the entirety of his oration. "I would like to name one of my children, yes."

Haldir nodded. "It is your right. You are the father, are you not?"

"If I am not, there is more of an issue than naming rights involved in this situation," grinned Celeborn. "But I do not wish to hurt your feelings, my son."

"If you are happy, I am happy. I am overjoyed by the thought of this elfling. I am already looking forward to all I shall teach her." Haldir placed a hand on his father's shoulder. "Name her as you wish, any name you decide will be perfect."

"Well that's just the trouble," sighed Celeborn. "It appears all of the truly splendid names have been taken. So I have been attempting to come up with one and nothing seems to fit. If you wouldn't mind, what name had you come up with?"

Haldir frowned. "Do not do this. You should decide upon the name yourself."

"I will, I will," promised Celeborn. "I only wonder, what had you suggested?"

"Paptalasselinde."

Celeborn sat in silence. "The poor child, can you imagine the frustration of trying to write that?" Celeborn paused. "Let alone trying to say it. It sounds beautiful, do not mistake me, but... I don't think even I would be able to master that one. I had enough trouble with you throwing 'Orophin' at me."

"Paptalasselinde. The music of leaves falling. It seemed appropriate, regarding Lothlorien."

"Yes, even the sound of saying it reminds me of the falling leaves." Celeborn looked across the sea again. "I think more than anything it would make me sad to say it."

"Do not think to say it, then, Ada, think of what you shall name her."

"Your mother doesn't know." Celeborn glanced over his shoulder at the house. "At least, I do not think she does. It is difficult to tell sometimes with her. But I would like to keep this a secret, about the name. If you do not mind."

"Yes, of course," Haldir agreed.

Celeborn nodded. "Right, then. A name for my daughter..." They sat in quiet contemplation for some time. "Do you know, your mother was of a mind to name your sister Celebriel."

Haldir laughed. "That would not have been so strange. It would seem there are other cases of such a naming."

"Aye, but the name did not seem to fit. I was happy when she decided on Celebrian. I think there is not another such name close to it at all." Celeborn smirked. "And then there is Rumil, a name that was blatantly plagiarized."

"I was young and liked the name very much," defended Haldir. "And it suits him well."

"That is does," admitted Celeborn. "What of Orophin? How came you to settle on that?"

"You do not know?" Haldir leaned over the side of the quilt and wrote a number of lines in the sand. After each subsequent line, Celeborn's smile widened. Sitting back up, Haldir pointed to the words as he read through them. "Glorfindel – Orfindel – Orfin – Orphin – Orophin."

"That is quite clever."

"Thank you."

"Is Glorfindel aware of this?"

"Yes, that he is. Did you never notice his fondness of Orophin?" asked Haldir.

"I must say, I always did think he had an extra sort of affection for him. Just as Elrond was quite fond of Rumil, and dare I say, I think Erestor very much treated you like the son he never had."

"I spoke to him last night," admitted Haldir. "Far-spoke to him. He seems to have been worried about me."

Celeborn dipped his quill into the ink. "We all worried about you. Some of us are still worrying. And do not-" said Celeborn, raising his voice slightly in a commanding tone, "-do not tell me not to worry over you. I will worry about you as long as you are my son."

Haldir crossed his arms in front of himself. "Fine. Worry about me if you like. I shall do my best to ignore you."

"Good. Glad to know nothing has changed between us, then." Celeborn scratched something else onto the paper. "Raasarin."

"Raasarin." Haldir spoke it again a few times, letting the name roll back and forth like the sea. "We could call her Sari for short, but I think it is too harsh a name. She is not destined to be a tough little elleth."

"No?" Celeborn made a few more notes. "Quesseth, then?"

"Quesseth. How did you come up with that?"

"What is wrong with it?" Celeborn looked slightly hurt. "Quessien…Quesseheri…Quessewen…"

"Please, stop." Haldir leaned back on the quilt. "There are some words that an elf is just not meant to be called by."

"What do you think of the name Celebriel?"

"I think now you are just being silly." Haldir closed his eyes. "How did you come to name me?"

"I didn't name you, your mother did that."

"How did she come to name me, then."

Celeborn tilted his head up to the sky, remembering back many long years. "Your mother and I spoke of having a second child soon after Celebrian's birth. No matter what, she wanted our son, our heir, to have a special name. She also knew somehow that if we indeed did have a son that he would walk much among men. Your name, while common among them, was certainly rare among elves."

"How so is such a simple name so rare?"

"How many other elves do you know of whose name begins as does yours?" asked Celeborn.

For the next few minutes, Haldir began to sort through the names of each and every elf he had ever met. Everyone he had met in Valinor, everyone he knew in Lothlorien and Rivendell. The traveling elves, he thought of, and the elves of old, those awakened. "Here, all this time, I thought Orophin's name was a clever one."

"It is still a clever name. Yours is unique. Among elves." Celeborn scribbled something more on the paper. "What say you to Losuial?"

"It is a nice name," Haldir said.

"Hmm. 'Losuial, it is time for bed.' No, that won't do." Celeborn dipped the quill into the ink once more. "You know, she and I had always took your name to mean different things."

"That I knew long," Haldir said. "You and Glorfindel used to call me the 'Hidden Hero', but Nana opted for 'Tall Watcher'. In some ways, I suppose parts of both suited me."

Celeborn raised a brow. "Only parts?"

"Of course. I am neither tall nor a hero, though I spent a great deal of time watching things and hiding in trees," insisted Haldir.

"I cannot argue the fact you are not tall," admitted Celeborn, "but you are a hero to some."

"Not in comparison to many others, whose deeds cause anything I may have accomplished to look like small tasks."

Celeborn continued to write. "You are stubborn, and I refuse to further discuss this topic." Celeborn paused. "If you do not think you name suits you, perhaps you would like a new name."

"No, thank you. I have grown used to Haldir. I would not wish to be called something else. Besides, my sword is engraved with my name already, to change the imprint now would be folly."

"Why then do you allow your siblings to call you Halli?" Celeborn had almost always referred to his children by their full names, so using the abbreviated forms seemed odd to him.

"Because Halli is just a more... intimate version of Haldir," he explained. "I do not let just anyone call me that. Just as very few can call Orophin 'Oro' and fewer still can refer to Celebrian as 'Clebri'."

Celeborn considered this. "Interesting."

"Think of it like this. Would you rather I called you Celeborn, or Ada?"

"I wish you would never again call me Celeborn. I heard that far too many times from you back in Lothlorien." Celeborn put down the quill and set to closing the ink bottle. "You grew up too fast, and I should never have allowed you to use my proper name when you spoke to me. I should have been your father first, and not your lord."

Sitting up, Haldir moved so that he was sitting next to Celeborn, and wrapped his arms around his father. "You wish is my command, my lord. Consider it done, Ada." He kissed his father on the temple, and then noticed the name that was underlined on the paper. "Ada, truly, you don't have to do that."

"No, Haldir, I really like it. Please? I think it is perfect."

Haldir smiled. "As you wish, Ada, as you wish." 


	13. Death By Vanilla Pudding

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

"I've had a thought," announced Orophin in the parlor. The entire family had gathered there after dinner, which had become a ritual for the last few weeks. On the table sat a large bowl of fluffy vanilla pudding with a ladle protruding from it, a number of smaller bowls and spoons settled next to it. Only three of the room's occupants were eating any of it thus far – Haldir, Orophin, and Galadriel, who was on her third serving.

"Finally," was the only reply, this coming from Rumil who did not bother even to look up from his book.

"I was just thinking, if one were to die while in Valinor, they'd just get sent right back after going to the halls of waiting."

Haldir held a spoonful of pudding over his bowl, contemplating this. "In theory, yes."

"So, I think we should test that theory. I think someone should kill me, so we can try it out."

"What!" Galadriel nearly choked on her dessert. "Orophin, that is the worst idea in the whole of the ages."

"Besides, you don't just get 'sent right back'," added Celeborn. "You have to be reborn."

Orophin shrugged. "Not a problem. You and Nana seem to be having no problem with having more elflings, and then not only would I be the middle child, I'd also be the baby of the family."

"In more ways than one…" trailed Rumil from behind his book.

"If you decide to pull a fool stunt like that, I will personally see to it that no one has any more elflings in Valinor ever and you can sit in Mandos for all of eternity," threatened Galadriel.

"Valarda, darling," Orophin set his bowl onto the table and strolled over to his wife, dropping down on one knee in front of her and taking hold of one of her hands. "If I get someone to kill me for this little experiment, would you be so kind as to have a torrid love affair with someone so that I might be reborn from you?"

"Of course, Orophin. I've been trying to find reason to have a torrid love affair for some time, and now I'd have the perfect excuse." Valarda looked over Orophin's head, directly at Haldir, and none too discreetly blew him a kiss that made the eldest of the brothers blush furiously to the tips of his ears.

"Wouldn't that be an interesting twist to an already twisted family?" mused Rumil. "Your brother would be your father, and your wife would be your mother." Rumil glanced up to see if anyone would add further comment, but with the exception of Orophin and Valarda, the rest of the family was giving his slightly older brother the oddest of looks. His eldest brother, however, was desperately trying to hide his flushed face, which was now credited to Rumil's comment, and a wink from Valarda.

"This is madness," Galadriel finally said. "Orophin, I am forbidding you from... testing your theory or whatever you are calling it. I am going to bed, and I never expect to hear anything remotely related to this conversation ever again. Ever." Passing her empty bowl to Celeborn, Galadriel pulled herself up from the couch and left the room, shaking her head.

Celeborn, staring all the time at Orophin, set the bowl onto the table. "This has certainly become a most... enlightening evening. I'm leaving now. Good night."

"You know, Orophin, if you did die and go to Mandos and were to be sent back and Haldir and I did have a torrid love affair, not only would I be your mother and Haldir your father, but then you would end up being your own father, in a way. Step-father, actually."

"True. That would be very hard to keep track of." Orophin looked over to Haldir. "You know, you got fairly close a few times, I think we should just kill you. Valarda and I would promise to do everything in our power to bring you back."

Haldir narrowed his eyes. "If you attempt to kill me, I promise to take you with me. And then it would seem we would be stuck in Mandos together forever, as I doubt Nenniach would allow Rumil to have a torrid love affair with Valarda so that you could come back."

"And how do you propose to come back?"

"I'm sure Nana and Ada would do everything in their power to bring me back," said Haldir. "And knowing them, and then some. Remember, they asked for me. You were an unexpected addition."

"Rumil was even less expected," mused Orophin. "Let's kill Rumil."

"What!" It was now Elrond's turn to interrupt the conversation.

"Rumil. If we kill Rumil, well, then I wouldn't be worried about who Valarda would have her torrid love affair with, because there wouldn't be one."

"You wouldn't have to worry about much," Nenniach told him, "because you'd be dead as well. And unlike Haldir, I'd make sure it was painful. Very painful."

"What is that supposed to mean?" insisted Haldir.

"No offense, Haldir, but you are more of a mercy killer. I know how you fight and I've watched you hunt. As few strokes as possible, as quickly as you can. If you can't get a deer down in a single shot, you will sit in a tree for hours waiting for your prey. However, there is no fury like an elleth scorned, and I would have no qualms about sending you to Mandos in the most uncomfortable way possible." Nenniach daintily picked up her cup of tea and sipped it, pinky out.

"Ai. And they call our family a bunch of kinslayers." Orophin shook his head. "Not Rumil then." His eyes drifted over to Elrond, and Celebrian narrowed her eyes menacingly.

"The topic is not longer amusing, Orophin. I shall see you all in the morning, unless someone has the sense to kill Oro by then. Husband?" Celebrian waited for Elrond to stand up and bid everyone, with the exception of Orophin, a good evening.

The parlor was still for the next few moments until the footsteps overhead faded. "Think they suspect anything?" questioned Orophin.

"Well if they didn't they bloody well do now!" spat Haldir, throwing a pillow at Orophin's head as an afterthought.

"Come on, then, let's get started." Orophin began to stand, but Valarda pulled him back down.

"We have to wait until they are asleep. Even then, we're going to have to be very quiet," Valarda warned. "So, Oro, we've decided you're going to keep watch in here."

"What!" Orophin crossed his arms. "That isn't fair! I'm the one who got them to go away so we'd have enough time for this."

"And you should be lucky we haven't tied you up yet. You sounded mad, Orophin, I shall never again trust you with such a simple task," Rumil promised.

Haldir chuckled. "Simple tasks for simple minds." The pillow was launched back in his direction.

"Look, I got them to go away, I shall explain things later, it will all be fine." Orophin glanced at the twins. "Who is going to go get our guests from Nana and Ada's old house?" Three hands were raised in the air, and Rumil pointed in the direction of the door, motioning for them to be silent. The twins and Celebdreth over exaggerated leaving the room in a sneaky fashion, careful not to make a sound as they left the house. Orophin drummed his fingers on his knee. "NOW can we get started?"

"No, not yet."

"Now?"

"No."

"Halli?"

"What?"

"Now?"

"Orophin, if you continue to ask, we'll only have 6,639 of them, because you'll be trying to dislodge the other one from your-"

"Valarda!" Nenniach tisked. "That was uncalled for."

"No, I really don't think it was. In fact, I don't think elflings today get quite enough discipline, that's why I have to be so strict with my Orophin," explained Valarda.

"Mine came well trained," Nenniach said.

Orophin rolled his eyes. "Don't you love how they talk about us when we're right here?"

"You should hear what is said behind your back," mentioned Haldir.

"Wonder how the eldest one is," Nenniach continued, as if she hadn't heard the brothers.

"Not sure. It will be interesting to find out once he finally settles down," admitted Valarda. "I'm a little concerned, though, it seems sometimes he does a bit too much marking of his territory. I worry that he might not be housebroken."

"I am housebroken," announced Haldir as he scowled. "And really, now that it comes to mind, I don't think I have to justify any of this, nor do I believe it to be your business whatsoever."

"Definitely untrained," Valarda added. "He's just yapping away again."

"But is he untrainable?" asked Nenniach. "They do say you can't teach an old dog new tricks."

Haldir growled. "I am not an old dog."

"Well, you certainly sound like one when you do that," Orophin said. Haldir shot him a nasty look, and Orophin shrugged. "That didn't help your case much either. Don't worry, though, it's very unlikely we would take you out and shoot you."

"Heel, Oro," commanded Valarda.

"Yes, dear," replied Orophin. Haldir shot him another nasty look regardless.

"You don't think Nana is going to suspect, do you?" wondered Rumil.

"Not in the least," Orophin said. "No mirror, no dice. She's so wrapped up with the elfling right now, she hasn't had time to drag out the glorified dishpan and splash it around." He was given a good number of looks for this comment, but looked at them all right back. "Please, give me a break. You're all thinking it, I'm just saying it."

"What about Haldir?" Valarda studied her brother-in-law.

"What about me?"

"Well, I haven't played a single prank on you here in Valinor, but eventually, you know we're just going to get bored and start putting barnyard animals in the other elf's room and hanging objects of a personal nature in trees again," Valarda said. "But now that you're having visions, I won't be able to have the element of surprise."

"Oh, he doesn't really control the visions though!" said Orophin gleefully. "They just come to him. He doesn't control them anymore than he controls me doing this." Orophin picked up an unused spoon from the table and bonked it on the side of Haldir's head. The older elf blinked in surprise. "It just comes to him. Just like that." Orophin dropped the spoon and helped himself to another bowl of pudding.

Haldir picked up the dropped spoon, twirling it between his fingers. "If forced at the right angle, I think this might be able to cause a mortal wound." Haldir looked in Valarda's direction. "Still interested in that torrid love affair? I've just had a vision of you becoming a widow surprisingly soon."

Someone cleared his throat loudly, and everyone turned to see Celeborn suddenly standing in the doorway, Celebrian standing behind him with a wide grin on her face. "We have work to do," he whispered, "and little time in which to do it." 


	14. Official Bird of the First Homely House

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

"My lord?" Elrond glanced up to see one of his youngest advisors by the door. "There is an elf here from Greenwood who wishes to seek employment."

"Have you explained that we have filled most of the positions for unskilled labor?" Elrond's nose was buried back in the papers he had been looking through. The construction of Imladris was a tiring yet thrilling project, and though he would have liked to have been able to allow all who wished to live in this new realm the chance, he knew that overpopulation at the beginning would cause greater problems down the road. He had been strict about the numbers of particular types of craftsmen and such, and had not overstepped his own rulings.

"He is inquiring as to the position of librarian."

"Tell him we do not have a library and bid him a good day."

"My lord, I have already explained this to him, and thus he has told me he will temporarily take the position of stable master for the time being, until such time that it is realized that a library is an essential part of your house," explained the advisor.

Elrond rolled his eyes. The last thing he needed was an elf thinking he could solve things better with his own ideas about running the realm before it was even completed. "Can this librarian ride a horse?"

"Ride them, train them, heal them, and on some occasions, I've been known to talk to a few of them." Elrond looked up to find that the elf in question had been standing in the doorway the entire time.

Elrond stood, beckoning the elf forward. "How does it come that a librarian has such knowledge of horses?"

Sadness came into the elf's eyes. "A few of my friends in Gondolin insisted I know at the least how to ride. I became quite taken with the creatures. One might consider riding and racing a hobby of mine, if I didn't take it so seriously."

"You appear to take many things seriously." Elrond motioned that they should sit. "Gondolin. That is a realm not often spoke of these days. Were you present at the fall of the realm?"

"Aye." The deep brown eyes glazed a bit, and were blinked rapidly. "I was one of the last to leave."

Elrond frowned. "I am sorry, I should not bring up such things from days so sad."

"The days were happy ones," the elf corrected him, "it was the evening that brought us all to tears."

"I'm sorry, I did not get your name, horse master."

"It is Erestor, Lord Elrond. Erestor of Doriath."

Elrond raised a brow. "I thought you said just now you were from Gondolin."

"I lived in Gondolin, aye, but I was born in Doriath, and my heart belongs to that place still in these days when it is lost." Erestor waved his hand in a dismissive manner. "I am not here to discuss the days of old, however, for the position available is not librarian nor historian, but stable master."

Elrond placed his hands together, thinking. "If I were to hire you into the house as master of the stables, would you disregard the position if I were to build a library?"

"You would wish me to serve in dual capacity as keeper of your horses and keeper of your books?"

"They are two of the most prized things here in Imladris, and I would want someone capable of the tasks to oversee them." Elrond let his gaze drift out the window where elves could be seen planting the gardens and painting the exterior of the main house. "Of course, that would take up two positions of my chief counsel. I don't know how you would feel about holding the title of Chief Advisor as well.

"It would be an honor to have such privilege, my Lord."

"Welcome then, to Imladris, Master Erestor. I shall send for someone to show you to your quarters."

Erestor stood, bowed, and went with Elrond to the door. Elrond whistled for a page down the hall, giving him directions on which rooms to show Erestor to. Once the young elf had led the new employee of the house from the office, Elrond scowled at the advisor, still at the door. "Nenniach?"

"Yes, Lord Elrond?"

"The next time an elf walks into this house looking for employment, please see to it that you get their name first." Elrond shook his head with a sigh. "That was most embarrassing."

"My Lord?"

"That was Erestor of Doriath. Lord of the House of Silver Stars, if I am remembering correctly."

Nenniach frowned. "I believe if that he is in fact Erestor of Doriath, it would be the House of the Morning Star."

"Find out for me, Nenniach, I do not wish to further insult him by not knowing his house…already, I acted a fool by not knowing his name."

"I do not believe I have a book that would contain such information," admitted the young elleth. "If only we had a-"

"Library," finished Elrond for her. "See to it that a suitable place is found within the house to have one. Inform Master Erestor that his first task will not be to see to the horses, but to draw up a list of the books we shall need for the library. And make sure we acquire a few on the subject of heraldry, Nenniach. I do expect you to be able to answer my question as soon as is possible."

- - -

Elrond slowly drifted out of his reverie, enjoying the last few moments of history relived before beginning a new day, here in Valinor. He had let his mind wander throughout the evening and early morning hours, thinking much about Imladris. Though he admitted it to no one, he greatly missed Rivendell, the Last Homely House, and those whom had remained after he had sailed. Few had come to the West since then, and his hope that one of his most valued friends would some day walk the shore was fast fading.

Always, a part of him felt some guilt regarding his chief advisor. Once a proud noble in lands of old, Erestor had seen more than his share of friends and acquaintances fall to evil forces. Convinced that those who held positions of high rank and power were most at risk, the elf had decided to employ himself as a lower ranked member in the households of various lords and kings. Although he likely could have founded his own realm, Erestor had merely served in Imladris, and prior to that, Greenwood, and Gondolin. He would not even allow reference to his heritage – to everyone, he was just Master Erestor, named so for being the horse master for many years, until the return of Glorfindel.

More even than this, though, was the shadow on Elrond's conscience regarding the third position Erestor held in the Last Homely House. It was one without title, and yet it was something which had become quite commonplace. Kings, Lords, Ladies, and Queens often times kept an elf who resembled them in some fashion within their realm and close at hand should the need ever arise for a stand-in. In some cases, this could be for events such as dinners and weddings, while other times the task was more dangerous. Most used family members, a child or sibling, though on the rare occasion, another elf was chosen. Never formally stated, Erestor was Elrond's double for all intents and purposes, and the shame of it was beginning to gnaw at Elrond the longer it took for Erestor to come to Valinor.

An odd birdcall, and one that was unreasonably close interrupted his thoughts.

"Hello, friend, what are you doing here?" Elrond sat up, turning the covers aside as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Did someone leave the door open last night? You poor thing, you must have flown in and not know where you'd gotten yourself to." Standing near the door, blinking in confusion at Elrond, was a bright pink bird with a black beak and long spindly dark grey legs. The bird tilted its long neck to the side gracefully, and Elrond approached the creature, whispering a few words of comfort. The bird sat down upon the floor, nestling its head onto its chest as Elrond picked it up and tucked it under his arm as he reached for the doorknob. "We'll have you back outside in no time."

Elrond headed for the stairs, noticing that the house was unusually quiet. Even though his wife had not been in bed with him when he awoke, this had not disturbed him. Celebrian seemed to require little rest, and was often one of the last to turn in and one of the first to rise. Then again, it could still be very early, perhaps. Elrond turned the corner to the second floor and paused. "It appears your friends are looking for you," he said to the bird he carried.

In the hallway, three more of the brightly colored birds were uneasily strutting around, poking at the items in the hall and nibbling at the crocuses in the planter. "Come along now, out of the house," he insisted, shooing this trio down the next flight of stairs. He scowled as he looked over his shoulder, wondering why no one on the second floor had noticed the intruders. Surely Rumil, who was a lighter sleeper than any he knew, had noticed the sounds coming from the hall.

Once on the first floor, Elrond began shepherding the birds toward the front door of the First Homely House when a flash of pink caught his attention. Looking in the direction of the parlor, he saw another bird leap onto the rocking chair, knocking it over. Eyes narrowed, Elrond marched into the room, finding a small flock of the birds congregating around the empty fireplace, peering up the chimney in mild fascination. "Out, out, all of you, out!" Elrond corralled the birds and began to lead them to the door when he saw that the curtains had been drawn in the room, but through a slit in one of them, a bit of pink shone through. "What in the name of Arda is going on!" he demanded, getting little response from the birds as he rounded them up and escorted them to the door.

Striding ahead of the birds, he was able to reach the door and pull it open before the unwelcome houseguests stumbled out the door. About to step out himself to let the errant one he'd woken up to outside, he stalled, mouth agape, eyes wide. "By the Valar…" His initial reaction was to swear like a wounded dwarf, but instead, he shut the door, closed his eyes, and counted to ten. He opened the door again and stared out. "Bloody hell." The door was slammed shut, and Elrond headed back upstairs, a confused sea bird under his arm.

On the second floor, he stopped at each door, throwing them open without knocking. The rooms were completely empty, and as he crossed over the walkway to the second floor of the Second Homely House, he had a feeling he would only find more of the same. He tried the third floor of each as well, again with the same results. It was only as he reached the second floor of the addition that he felt anyone's presence.

"Galadriel!" The lady sat up at the sound of her voice, so rudely shouted, and shaking her from her reverie. Giving an odd look at the elf in the doorway, and the strange creature he held, she sat up, waiting for an explanation. "My yard and my beach are filled with flamingos. Thousands of them! Some of them are even taking over my house!" He tossed the one under his arm in the direction of the bed, and it landed gently next to Galadriel. She patted the head of the bird as Elrond crossed the room in exasperation. "Do not tell me your sons are not involved, for I am certain they are. And likely my wife and children as well."

Galadriel took a second look at the spot where the flamingo was now preening itself, raising a brow. "I have a good feeling that I can tell you whom the mastermind of this operation was."

"No doubt," said Elrond dryly, pulling back the curtain to look outside. "They are all over! It will be nigh impossible to rid this place of them…and the mess!"

Galadriel stepped toward the window, next to Elrond now, pulling a pale grey floor-length shawl around her shoulders. "My word. There have to be five, six thousand at least."

"I am of a mind to bet there are exactly six thousand and six hundred plus forty of them, Sa'Nana."

"I am of a mind to throttle my husband if I catch him red-handed before my temper is cooled." Wrapping the shawl tighter around herself, she left in the direction of the door, Elrond following her close behind.

They stepped out into a sea of pink. Galadriel narrowed her eyes as she took notice of the porch of the First Homely House from her position on the porch of the Second Homely House. Elrond initiated his intimidating stare down, but it mattered very little, for none of the occupants of the porch of the First Homely House were noticing them.

"How much longer do you want to wait for him, Ada?" Rumil was standing next to a table that had been positioned off to the side, rows of champagne glasses lining it. Nenniach was busily repositioning the glasses from the edge of the table.

"He'll be back out soon. He has to leave the house sometime." Celeborn had a mischievous glint in his eye as he added, "If he doesn't we can always go in and get him."

Orophin frowned. "I don't think we'll be able to get this up the stairs," he said. He was holding onto the back of a specially designed wooden chair that Bilbo Baggins sat in much of the time now. It was comfortably padded and easy to fall asleep in, but it also had two large wooden wheels, one on each side, and a handlebar across the back, so that it could be tilted slightly and pushed with the occupant still sitting on it. For now, it had been decorated with ribbons and bows – pink, just like the flamingos. The esteemed Mr. Baggins was currently residing on the porch swing, sleeping as he did quite often these days. On either side sat an elderly hobbit, these two leisurely smoking pipes, watching the scene with amusement. Nearby, a cloaked figure, looking much like an old man and also smoking a pipe, chuckled to himself, then met the stare from Elrond for only a moment, then again dropped his gaze.

"No, but we can certainly get him down the stairs," Valarda told him.

Elrond slipped back inside the Second Homely House, followed by Galadriel. "What am I to do? They have brought the hobbits, and Mithrandir, and besides which, I have the worst feeling of all about that thing Celeborn was holding."

Galadriel allowed Elrond to continue his rant a bit longer, nodding at the appropriate parts. "And even my wife! My sweet wife, standing their, and my children, with who knows what else planned for me." Elrond crossed his arms, irritated and breathing heavily.

"And the birds, do not forget them," Galadriel reminded him. Elrond rolled his eyes.

"How in the name of Eru did they find that many flamingos in Valinor? The Valar must hate me," he finally reasoned.

"But your family must love you. I can't imagine any other rationale for what they've done. Unless they've all gone mad," Galadriel told him.

"We both know that is impossible, Sa'Nana," responded Elrond. "They've all been mad for years now."

Galadriel nodded. "So do we face them, or sneak away while they all watch the front door?"

- - -

"Quick! Places! He's coming back down!" hissed Orophin. Everyone scurried to his or her specific marks. Once the door opened and the lord of the house emerged, he was showered in white and pink confetti from above, where the twins and Celebdreth had been perched on the roof. "Surprise!" Everyone, including the now awakened Bilbo, applauded as Elrond smiled and shook his head at the group assembled on the porch.

"Considering your age, we thought you might need a little extra rest today," Celebrian said, leading Elrond over to the decorated chair. He laughed as if he'd not yet seen it, and sat down only after Celebrian threatened that if he did not, she would have to administer a birthday spanking immediately. Orophin stepped up behind the chair and maneuvered it carefully down the stairs onto the lawn, where Elrond now saw that the majority of the flamingos were nothing more but painted cutouts on thick paper.

Rumil walked alongside the chair as Orophin pushed it. "Here's the best part, though." As they reached the edge, Elrond found that a fence, consisting of wooden flamingo-shaped panels had been erected around the property, keeping the real flamingos from fleeing.

"The toughest job went to Haldir, really," admitted Celebrian when Orophin had wheeled Elrond back near the porch, where a number of tables were now being brought out and set up to accommodate food and drink.

Haldir shook his head. "I had little to do with this party."

"You only say that because you know he will seek revenge and wish to avoid it," snorted Orophin. "You might as well admit now your part in all this. Besides, you were quite proud of the feat once it was accomplished."

The eldest brother, unable to hide his smirk, finally confessed. "It was I who placed the flamingos in the house."

"Charming. I promise you shall know of the vengeance sought against you before such time that it happens so that you might at least be prepared in advance to be humiliated. The rest of you, I think it safe to say, should sleep with one eye open for a while," warned Elrond.

"We're elves, peredhil. We sleep with both eyes open."

"Wait, that…you know full well what I meant, Orophin."

"Well happy, happy birthday to you, Lord Elrond," piped up Bilbo from his perch on the porch. "And now if you'll not mind an old Baggins, I think I shall take a nap before the fireworks this evening." Elrond waved to the little hobbit, attempting to stand up from the chair to make his way to the porch, but he was pushed back down.

"We don't want you to waste your energy, now, my lord. In your newly enfeebled state, you might fall and break a hip or something. Best to just stay here," Orophin suggested.

"Oh, yes…the revenge I seek against you will be most enjoyable, Orophin."

Orophin grinned. "I look forward to nothing less than your best, my lord."

Celeborn stepped slowly to where Elrond was, though whether it was to prolong the inevitable, or because he was flanked by a slow-moving hobbit, none could say for sure. When at last he and Frodo reached Elrond in his seat of honor, Celeborn produced a pointed hat covered in fluffy pink feathers and settled it onto Elrond's head. "A little something for the birthday elf. I must say, I think pink is your color." Elrond said nothing. Galadriel had already informed him what her birthday gift to him would be, and he relished the thought of it already.

"Happy birthday, dear Lord Elrond, and many more to you," greeted Frodo. He took in the flamingos, a little confused. "I must ask, either you are quite fond of the bird, or this is some elf ritual I know nothing of."

All of the elves in the area either grinned or smiled, and Celebrian said, "There is a very silly and peculiar Westron nursery rhyme about elves that I used to recite to Elladan and Elrohir. It was something my father used to say to me when I was young and needed cheering up," explained Celebrian. "Elrond nearly had a fit when he found the boys could manage the entirety of it, yet still struggled with basic arithmetic. He proclaimed it was silly and that none of the song was true."

"But not anymore! Ada's verse ten, now!" Elladan giddily raised his glass. "Here's to year number six thousand six hundred and forty!"

"I must say," began Elrond after everyone had toasted. "I am happy to know that the chant has only ten verses and that I can no longer be burdened by it. However," his lips curled into an almost sinister smile. "I have taken a few moments to think about whose birthdays might yet be complicated by this lovely rhyme, and I can delightfully tell you that there will be another such odd birthday celebration before the year is out."

"Oh, balrog wings! It's probably me." Orophin began to busy himself with figuring out how old he was. Elrond said nothing, continuing to grin. Another hobbit approached, leaning on a walking stick.

"How does the rhyme go?" asked Samwise. "If'n you don't mind my asking?"

"Well, the verse that counts, or the lines pertaining to events right now, goes like this:

If I should ever chance to be

Six thousand six hundred and forty

When I awake I want to see

That many birds beneath my tree

Make them pink and from the sea

All of them shall flock to me

I shall count them all and set them free

Six thousand six hundred and forty."

Celeborn smirked. "Luckily for me, that is where the poem ends, so I at least know that I needn't worry about retaliation."

"I don't need a rhyme to retaliate, only reason," said Elrond. He pointed to the pink-feathered hat. "This is reason enough."

The conversation lulled, and Celebrian seemed to be a bit nervous as she bit her lip, watching the members of the small group mingle with one another. Rumil and Nenniach began passing glasses of champagne out to everyone present, and as soon as the last elf had glass in hand, Celebrian tapped the side of her own glass to gather the attention of everyone.

"I know we're going to end up having a lovely day of celebration, and a lovely evening of avoiding flamingo droppings," she began, capturing the laughter of the group. "But I wanted to take a moment not only to personally wish my husband the happiest of birthdays, but also to give him his birthday present."

"There are children present!" Orophin reminded her, causing more laughter. He then proceeded to use one hand to cover Celebdreth's eyes, and the other, to cover Celeborn's, causing more laughter still.

"Elrond, my husband, my lord," Celebrian gazed lovingly at Elrond, still stuck in the chair with the party hat on, "I can not begin to express the happiness I feel when you are with me and the sorrow for when you are not. We have shared so many things together, and indeed, I hope our adventures together are not yet at an end."

Elrond smiled. "I doubt they are. I mean, it isn't as if I'm over seven thousand."

"You'll have to do better than that, Elrond," said Celeborn, countering the insult. "Remember, though I may be over seven millennia, my wife…is…ah…very beautiful and lovely and seems as if my glass is empty and please, Celebrian, dearest, continue, my apologies." Behind him, Orophin acted out the task of digging a hole.

"As I said, I wanted to give you your birthday present. But I can not." Celebrian knelt down in front of Elrond, taking his hand into hers. "Not yet." She placed his hand on her stomach and smiled shyly. "Happy Birthday."

"I had wondered…I mean, I had hoped…" Elrond said softly. "I was fairly certain…"

"Wait, hold on, that's old news," interrupted Orophin. "We knew about this months ago."

"Truly, we only thought we knew." Haldir shrugged. "It was my fault. I made it all up so that the nursery would get built."

"It is a good thing you did," said Elrond.

Haldir smiled ruefully. "I am sorry. I did not mean to cause such a great deception for so long a time."

"Deception?" Elrond cleared his throat. "I was never deceived."

"Were you not?" Celebrian asked, standing once again, but holding onto Elrond's hand still.

"My dear, for the better part of six thousand six hundred and forty years, I have been a healer. I may not know everything about elvish medicine, but certainly I can tell after a few weeks whether or not an elleth is with child. There are obvious signs."

"Very obvious signs," added Galadriel. "Hugely obvious." She patted her swollen belly with a laugh.

"Well, all's well that end's well, then." Orophin lifted up his glass. "Happy birthday, Elrond, and may the next be not quite so pink."

"May the next six thousand be not quite so pink," added Mithrandir as a near-sighted flamingo ran into the wizard's leg.

The party continued well into the night, ending with one of the fabulously famous fireworks displays. The three brothers sat on the shore, bare feet caressed by the tide as dragons and flying horses lit the night sky.

"Oh, no," groaned Haldir in sudden realization.

Orophin and Rumil looked at him with alarm as a burst of gold showered the sky above. "What is it?" questioned Orophin.

"Guess how old I'm going to be this year?"

"Oh, no…" Rumil's words of sympathy came out as a chuckle.

"Ah, yes…verse five, then, isn't it?" Orophin laughed quietly, then added, "You are in deep trouble, brother."

"Ai…" groaned Haldir again, hanging his head, as a mist of pink and white sparkles rained down upon them. 


	15. Spilt Milk

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

"Dearest, there is a flamingo wandering the halls."

"Yes, I know."

Celebrian prodded the inside of her mouth with her tongue, something she only did when she was on edge or a bit nervous. Usually this occurred most often just before her seemingly practical husband answered in an impractical manner to a question she had yet to ask. "Why is there a flamingo wandering the halls?"

Elrond looked up from his eggs and toast as if he thought the question to be quite odd. "Why wouldn't a flamingo be wandering the halls?"

Celebrian chewed on the inside of her cheek, something that almost never occurred, except when said seemingly practical husband tried to avoid answering questions in an impractical manner by attempting to avoid them completely. Her sons were also quite familiar with the technique, and often tried to use it, but it took little more than a steady stare, no doubt inherited from her mother, to stop the twins. With Elrond, such things were not so easily managed. "Well there wouldn't be a flamingo wandering the halls if Haldir hadn't put it there in the first place."

"Precisely." Back to the eggs and toast.

"You're just going to let it wander around? Who's going to clean up after it? Where is it going to sleep?" questioned Celebrian.

"It slept just fine last night in your parents' room, it appears it knows to go out on the beach when it must find things to eat or to conduct its business, and it is called Mitzi."

Celebrian took a few deep breaths, stifling the sudden urge to scream. "You named the flamingo."

"That I did. It is my house, and it was my birthday, and so I named the flamingo."

Celebrian closed her eyes, pushing back her chair. She slammed her napkin onto the tabletop, and although it made little noise, Elrond feigned surprise and did a bit of a hop in his seat for theatrics. "Something wrong, my lady wife?"

"Not a thing, my lord husband, not a thing," she said, rather unconvincingly through clenched teeth. "If you would but excuse me."

"You need not ask my pardon, dearest." Elrond glanced at Celebrian's plate. "Are you returning? Your meal is untouched."

"We shall see. I must have a word with my brother at the moment."

"Which one?" asked Elrond. "You have so many, it is difficult to keep track of them."

"The flamingo herder."

"Ah. Please, give Haldir my regards." Elrond continued to eat his breakfast as Celebrian pushed the door open and left.

It was not long before the door once again opened. "Couldn't find him, dear?"

"Depends, sweetheart," answered a voice lower than Celebrian's. "Who was I looking for?"

Elrond truly did jump upon his chair this time, and resisted his urge to stick his tongue out at the intruder as he had oft seen many others in his house do. "I thought you were Celebrian. My apology."

Haldir quirked a brow. "I knew there was some family resemblance, but it was usually Rumil whom could convincingly wear a dress and look the part of an elleth." He walked to the pantry, retrieving the pitcher of milk. Soon, he was sitting across from Elrond in his sister's former place.

The peredhil looked at Haldir oddly. "For what purpose was Rumil ever wearing a dress?"

Haldir grinned, but did not say. He slowly drank from his glass, careful not to spill any with the smirk he still wore. Elrond opened his mouth, thinking to press the issue, but then a most wonderful idea came to him.

Throughout the entire night, he had been formulating his plot against Haldir. His biggest problem was that even with the house being his, if he had to guess where loyalties were to lie, the majority would side with the smug blond elf sitting across the table from him. For whatever reason, his cocky attitude made him likable. Elrond had to admit; Haldir was a pleasant addition to the house. However, that didn't make up for the fact he had awoken to more than a dozen flamingos in his house, not to mention all of the ones on the lawn.

If, however, there were certain things that the others didn't want revealed, such might convince them to help out when the time came. Rumil in a dress. Haldir still wasn't saying anything, although he was looking a bit uneasy now. Which gave him yet another idea.

"Something wrong, mellon?"

"No..." Haldir narrowed his eyes. Elrond calling him friend was a strange thing. Both 'brother' and 'young one' he had grown accustomed to, but not 'friend'.

Elrond said nothing more, letting his eyes look back down at his plate. When he knew Haldir was still watching but pretending not to, Elrond let himself glance to the milk pitcher. Haldir followed the gaze, eyes further narrowed as he sniffed at his glass of milk.

Elrond looked at him, showing great concern. "You look troubled."

"Should I be?" Haldir pulled the pitcher over, and looked over the top into the ceramic container. "Alright, what did you do to it?"

"I? Nothing." Elrond looked astonished. "Your imagination, Haldir, I must say." But he didn't say. He bit into his toast, chewing as he watched Haldir continue to examine both his glass and the pitcher.

"Did you put something into it? Let it sit out to spoil?"

"How absurd, that you would think I would do such a thing simply to put you ill at ease, Haldir." Elrond bit into his toast again, and this time, as he chewed, was unable to keep his lips from curling into a shrewd smile.

Haldir rolled his eyes as if he was not sitting across from a great elf lord, but a mischievous elfling. Picking up his glass, he made his way across the room to the slop bucket in the corner used to gather scraps for the few animals that were kept in the vicinity of the First Homely House.

"Haldir, what are you doing?" Haldir looked up in alarm from where he was upon hearing Celebrian's scolding voice.

"I was... I am... " Haldir held up his glass. "I was uncertain about the milk."

Celebrian clucked at him. "The milk is fine, O finicky one. The goat was milked just this morning. The pitcher is fresh. I believe the twins were the ones to do so, I could ask them if you are still unsure."

"Actually," spoke up Elrond, "I did the milking this morning. It is indeed fresh."

Behind Celebrian's back, Haldir's eyes widened, as all of the possibilities came to his mind of what could have been done to the liquid in his glass. He blinked the look away as his sister turned to address him. "There, you see? Now, you've had half the glass already and you'll drink the rest there. I won't see it wasted." At the table, Elrond was now grinning like mad at Haldir, who had no choice but to painstakingly drink every last drop from the glass.

"See, now, you silly elf. It didn't kill you, did it?" Celebrian sat herself back at the table, where Elrond resumed his composure.

"Not yet, it hasn't," mumbled Haldir, setting the empty glass in the bin to be washed.

"Join us for breakfast?" offered Elrond, motioning to the bowl of scrambled eggs with mushroom.

"I believe I have had quite enough this morning, thank you, mellon." Haldir nodded to his sister and brother-in-law as he left the room.

"What was all that about?" questioned Celebrian. Elrond shrugged. "He surely acts strange some days."

"Shock of war," said Elrond matter-of-factly. "I was myself affected after the Last Alliance, I can only imagine the troubles poor Haldir has. Didn't you wish to speak with him?" he added.

"I thought I was going to have to," said Celebrian, "but I spoke with mother."

"And?"

Celebrian sighed, buttering her now cold toast. "And she told me she was the one who wanted to keep the flamingo. Elrond nodded, returning to his breakfast. Celebrian paused for a bit, simply eating, and enjoying the company of her husband, going so far as to capture his attention by sliding her slippered foot slowly up his thigh. He briefly glanced at her with a half-hidden smile as if she were merely a naughty young elleth that he was not about to scold.

Elrond navigated one hand under the table to capture her wandering foot, kneading it but keeping it a safe distance away as he used his other hand to finish his breakfast. Celebrian frowned and began concentrating once again on her own breakfast, tongue in cheek between bites.

"Mitzi?"

Elrond looked up abruptly. "Did you just call me Mitzi?"

"No, silly elf, the flamingo." Celebrian chewed at the inside of her cheek. "Why Mitzi?"

Elrond looked at her in disbelief, as if it was the most common name of the Fourth Age. "Why not?"

Rumil chose that moment to come into the room, pausing to say his greetings, and then sat down, helping himself to some of the egg and mushroom mix. After fetching a glass, he poured a rather tall glass of milk, laughing with Celebrian regarding the previous day's events.

As Celebrian finished her meal, Elrond decided to help himself to another serving. As soon as his wife left the room, Elrond tried to think of the best way to approach Rumil about helping him. True, he might be able to enlist him without the use of blackmail. Rumil, though not so much as Orophin, was still a bit of a rogue himself. Likely, any plan to trick or trap one of his brothers in an odd and silly situation was something Rumil would partake in. But having the advantage of knowing something Rumil wouldn't want revealed, that would make things all the more easy.

Rumil stood up, carrying the pitcher to the pantry. "Are you well, Lord Elrond?" Rumil, long the pupil of Elrond, and ever still learning things from his mentor, hardly felt at ease calling him less than with full title. Elrond shook his head at the young elf, and Rumil gave a smile before heading into the pantry.

Elrond shook his head. He just didn't feel right about doing such an underhanded thing to sweet little Rumil, little Rumil whom he had once even held in his arms as he had done with his own sons. Rumil, who hadn't, to his knowledge, ever tried such stunts as filling his saddlebags with honey or putting leeches in his drinking water, feats the older brothers had indeed attempted. It was the kind of thing Haldir or Orophin would do, but not he. He would not be the one to upset poor Rumil.

Rumil reemerged. The pitcher was gone, but he was still holding his glass, full again with the goat milk. "You seem deep in thought, my Lord," Rumil said cheerfully.

"That I am," Elrond said sadly, his eyes focused on Rumil with a look of pity.

Rumil crinkled his brow. "If I might guess, it appears you are thinking of something to do with me."

"It is... it is nothing, really," Elrond said, waving it off. "Something Haldir mentioned this morning at breakfast, and I am of a mind to forget it."

Rumil's face darkened. "What did Haldir say?"

"Please, Rumil..."

"What did he say?" demanded Rumil.

Elrond folded his hands before him, sighing in the same manner as someone about to hand down sentence. "He... mentioned the, ah, the dress incident."

Rumil's mouth gaped wide open, as did his eyes, but the biggest show of shock was in the fact that the glass of milk had dropped from his hand. The pieces lay shattered at his feet and the floor was splashed white. Elrond grabbed up a couple of the cloth napkins from the table and headed for Rumil.

"I am terribly, terribly sorry, Rumil," said Elrond, mopping at the mess.

"He promised he wouldn't tell a single soul!" Rumil gathered up the shards from the floor. "He promised and Oro promised, but I always expected Oro to say something, but never in all the world Halli. Stupid elf," Rumil muttered, setting the pieces onto the counter. "I only did it because of him, he wanted to know how to make lembas, and he's not much like an elleth that he could have tried to sneak in to find out. He's not even much like an elf, sometimes, that orc!" fumed Rumil, stooping back down to clean up the floor. His lip was quivering, and Elrond saw now that he had been ranting in an attempt to cover up the few stray tears.

"Oh, Rumil, I am really, terribly, and truly sorry." Elrond stopped his attempt to sop up the milk and reached out to give Rumil a hug. He couldn't believe now he'd even thought to say the words he had said. It would have been simpler just to ask for his assistance, and he was certain he would have received it. "Rumil, I have to admit, I knew not what the incident was, only the part about the dress. I did in fact deceive you, I admit."

Rumil wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his tunic. "Did he tell you, though? Was it Haldir?"

Elrond nodded slowly.

"Then he broke his promise," Rumil said simply. He completed the task of cleaning up the floor, and then turned to Elrond. "You want to get back at him and you thought that would help me to help you."

Elrond bowed his head in shame.

Rumil couldn't help but smile a little. "Orophin did that all the time to get me to help him do things to Haldir. Celebrian even used that tactic. Worked most of the time, too." Rumil contemplated the soaked napkin for a moment. "Looks like it still works."

Elrond shook his head. "No, this was wrong of me. I do not expect you to assist me in my revenge."

Rumil grinned. "I would be most aggrieved if you were not to allow me to aid in any way possible." He tossed the damp cloth onto the counter, slinging his arm around Elrond's shoulder. "But first, I must have your word that you will not attempt to seek vengeance against me."

Elrond nodded. "Of course."

"Excellent." Rumil's smile broadened. "I think the next one we need to enlist is Nana. She is not one we want on his side when we begin to plot." Elrond nodded again. "And there are so many things we can blackmail her with, trust me upon this. This time, however, you will have to stand your ground. You caved in much too easily with me."

Elrond furrowed his brow. "You mean to say that was all an act?"

"Not in the least," said Rumil, a little hurt, "but you still gave in much too easily. We can not go soft on her," warned Rumil.

"Why, Rumil," laughed Elrond, "you are quite slyer than I ever would have imagined."

A light twinkled in Rumil's eyes. "Who do you think it was that came up with the flamingo idea in the first place?" 


	16. Elven Hours in a Carriage

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -  
"We are going to need three carriages total," explained Rumil to Elrond. "That is the minimum we can travel in." He drew four boxes and segmented each into four parts by drawing a cross in each of them. "Your sons will never travel alone, so they are going to end up in the same carriage." Rumil wrote Elladan's name in one of the smaller boxes with Elrohir's in the next spot.

"Of course, we shall be in the same coach, with your mother, and Orophin." Elrond waited while Rumil filled in all of the boxes for the next carriage. "We could place Celebdreth into the first coach, along with Haldir."

"Not a chance," Rumil said, shaking his head. "That leaves my father with the rest of the ladies, and I am not about to subject Nenniach to his foul jokes the entire ride."

"Valarda and Celebrian would be with her," Elrond reminded him.

"Valarda and Celebrian are worse than he!" exclaimed Rumil. "At least he only retells the jokes. The two of them make up their own."

Elrond thought on this. "Quite true," he finally answered. "Well, we could put Nenniach and Valarda into the coach with the twins, and Haldir would be stuck with the three Celebs…"

Rumil grinned. "That would surely annoy him."

"Wait." Elrond placed his hand over Rumil's before the names could be written. "We can use this to our advantage twice. Let us place your father and Celebdreth into the carriage with the twins."

Rumil's smile grew wicked. "Excellent. Now," continued Rumil, filling in the spaces, "we need only figure a way to get everyone to the predetermined spots during our journey to Thranduil's."

"Leave that part to myself, and our trusty well-bred minions," joked Elrond.

- - -

"Allow me to assist you, Gra'nana." Celebdreth pulled the door to the coach open and held a hand out for Galadriel.

Galadriel smiled softly and took his hand, using him to gain extra balance as she maneuvered into the carriage. 'Five month.' She thought to herself, trying to find a comfortable position. 'Everything downhill from here.' She truly was enjoying every moment of this pregnancy, perhaps more so than she had with Celebrian because she didn't have the fear in the back of her mind that she had the first time she was with child. The seemingly constant travel was beginning to make her weary, however, and she glanced out the window to see where Celeborn had gone to. "Celebdreth, do you see your grandfather anywhere?"

Celebdreth waved in the direction of another carriage, drawn by two black horses, as were the rest. "Elladan asked if he would ride in the carriage with us."

"I see." Galadriel frowned, wondering if it was the intention of Elrond to ride with his brothers-in-law while the ladies shared a coach, leaving the last for the grandchildren and her husband. She saw this was not the case when Elrohir helped his mother and aunts into the last of the coaches.

Celebdreth looked around the horses in alarm. "My pardon, but I must see if everything is in order with the other coaches. Safe journey, to you, Gra'nana." Celebdreth slid the bolt on the side of the door and then ran to the carriage he would be in, moments before Haldir strode up to it.

Galadriel watched the exchange with amusement as Celebdreth shook his head repeatedly to Haldir, whose arms were pointing and waving about. The door on the other side of her own carriage opened. She watched as Rumil and Elrond practically shoved Orophin in before climbing aboard. "Everyone ready, then?" asked Elrond hurriedly as he shut the door tight and reached over the window to fasten the lock. He leaned out a bit further, giving instruction to the horses.

Outside, Haldir turned to see the first carriage in motion. Celebdreth did not waste this opportunity, and he climbed aboard his own coach, waving to Haldir as he slammed the door. This caused the horses to lurch and follow off after the first carriage.

"They wouldn't have dared... " Haldir said to himself darkly, but he knew in fact, they, whomever they were, had. There was only one coach left, and he approached it cautiously, the scent of lilac and jasmine wafting through the air from it. His eyes closed as he approached and he listened to the giggling and whispering from within.

There were two ways to approach the situation, as Haldir saw it. The first was to climb onto the coach, shut the door, and remain perfectly silent for the next eleven hours as the horses took them to their destination. On the other hand, he suspected this was not a random occurrence, but part of a devious plan likely constructed by Orophin or Rumil or Elrond, or some combination of the three. Brothers always tended to make the day interesting. His other option, therefore, was to be charming and witty and pretend that he was not bothered in the least at being stuck in a carriage for the better part of the day with the ladies. Which, he most definitely was.

"Are you coming aboard, or would you care to walk to the gathering?" Haldir opened his eyes to see that Celebrian was hanging out the window watching him. Nenniach and Valarda were peering over her shoulders, also with their eyes on him.

"It is such a lovely day, perhaps... " He stopped when Celebrian shouted to the horses and they began to trot forward. Haldir leaped for the carriage, but it was out of his range by then with three laughing ellyth pointing at him from the window, hands covering their mouths in mock modesty. Haldir made another unsuccessful lunge, this time for the bridle of the nearest steed, but his attempt was only half-hearted, knowing they would not think to leave him here.

Haldir watched as the horses slowly circled away and then back again. Valarda reached over the window to unlock the other door and pushed it open. "Come on, Hirband Arabeleg, stop fooling around and come along!" She crouched down on the floor, shifting toward the stairs that extended along the side. Holding her hand to him as they came closer, Valarda waited until Haldir caught it and jumped onto the steps before pulling him up into the coach. The door was shut tightly, and the laughing diminished.

"Many thanks, my good lady," smiled Haldir, sitting down across from Valarda. Nenniach was next to him, his sister in the other seat. On the floor between these two was a sewing bag, practically bursting with small projects that had been started and would likely never be finished. Valarda picked up a book she had marked from a stack between herself and Celebrian and opened it again, nodding to Haldir.

"What is it you are going to busy yourself with during the trip, Haldir?" Nenniach was picking through the contents of the bag, pulling from it many glittering coils of colored thread. Celebrian was already busily stitching a pattern of gold upon a pile of burgundy that sat in her lap.

"I do not know," admitted Haldir. "I placed my bag in another carriage, thinking I would ride with the twins and Celebdreth. Sadly, I think it is up to the three of you to entertain me for the time being, until we take the break at noonday when I can retrieve it." Thranduil's residence was some ways from shore, and was in fact not his home, but the house of Oropher. When Greenwood's first king was released from the halls of waiting, it was his choice to be reborn in Valinor. It was here that he built a great palace with the intent of housing those from his forest realm who had fought and died with him. Many did reside there, including his son, Thranduil, when he had arrived in Valinor. It could accommodate many more, and would be the venue for both the family reunion Thranduil had planned, as well as the upcoming gathering of the royals of Arda. Because of the distance, a stop was planned halfway for rest and a meal before continuing to the final destination.

"Well, we can always teach you to sew if you become bored by conversation alone," offered Nenniach with a grin.

"Too late, my Nana has beat you to that," Haldir said. "Although I am not able to embroider very well, I can mend my socks and sew a decent pair of trousers."

"Impressive. For an ellon," Nenniach said, and indeed, she was impressed. "Perhaps Valarda has something you can do."

Valarda looked up from her reading. "Only if he wants to learn how to birth elflings. I'm currently on chapter eight of 'A Guide to Midwifing'."

"I do not plan to midwife any time soon, but then, it is a topic I know very little about," Haldir said, forcing himself to sound calm.

Valarda didn't buy the act, narrowing her eyes. "There are diagrams, too." She flipped the book around, showing Haldir a very graphic sketch. Instead of recoiling, as she had expected him to, he looked genuinely interested in the picture he was shown. Valarda frowned and turned the book back just as Haldir reached for it, flipping to another part. "That one was nothing, really. Take a look at this." She shoved the book toward him again, holding it open to another of the diagrams.

Haldir peered at it with interest, and a little bit of worry, taking the book from Valarda's hands. "Poor Celebrian, is this truly what you had to contend with?"

"And I as well, let us not forget!" laughed Nenniach. "Though once was enough for me, I dare say."

Haldir shook his head. "No, not just having an elfling, which I did not doubt was uncomfortable-"

"Uncomfortable!" Nenniach crossed her arms in a huff. "It's downright painful at times! Not that I would trade it for arrow wounds and an axe in the back," she said, somewhat apologizing to Haldir, "but we spend a year in agony, compared to your single day on the battlefield."

Haldir decided not to begin a dispute on the topic, considering he was vastly outnumbered. Even with one of his former wardens in the group, he dared not test whether Valarda was more a soldier or more an elleth at the moment. Instead, he lifted the book, displaying it to Celebrian. "With twins, is it really that... crowded?"

"By the Valar, yes, it most definitely was!" she told him, and Haldir was surprised as she laughed about it. "Not only did they take up so much space, but they refused to let go of one another when they were supposed to be born! Did you know, that due to their stubborn nature, the only thing to this day they do not share is their day of birth?"

"I had no idea," said Haldir.

"Ai, it is true." Celebrian smiled at the memory. "Elrond did his best, but in the end, only time persuaded them. Elladan first, and Elrohir nearly right after, but by then, the moon was hailing midnight. Arwen, I am happy to say, was not only smaller than her brothers, but also came at the moment she was supposed to. Best of all, she came alone." The ladies laughed, and Haldir watched them with interest, and also delight, thinking that this was not normally the sort of talk he would have heard.

"Well, the elf appears to be enjoying himself, I must say." Valarda chose another book from her stack. "What about cooking, Haldir? Fancy learning a few hobbit recipes?"

"I'd rather read this first book you offered," he said, turning to the beginning of the book, "but I am not adverse to reading a cookbook."

"Halli likes to cook, although I have always suspected he did it so that he could be the taste tester," Celebrian informed them. "He used to help Nana all the time."

Nenniach looked up from her task in wonder. "He cooks, he sews, and I know he keeps tidy for I have seen his room. Why, Celebrian, I think we might be able to fetch a high price for this one."

"Ah, but the face," joked Celebrian in true sisterly fashion, "'tis one only a mother could love."

"What, this face?" Valarda reached forward, pinching Haldir's now reddening cheek. "True, only a mother might love it, but whose mother might? His own mother or the mother of his elflings?"

Haldir shook his head at the laughter, shifting to lean out the window and look at the scenery. He felt a hand upon his knee, and saw that Valarda was wearing a look of true apology. "I am sorry, Hirband, I did not mean for that to upset you."

"I am not upset," he replied, patting her hand until it slid away. "I merely had a brief thought of things that may have been is all."

Celebrian looked back down at her sewing. "Do not think of what might have been, but of what will be. There are plenty of ellyth in Valinor, my brother, and it is your luck that most do not yet know your reputation."

It was Haldir's turn to laugh now. "Oh, and I suppose you have great confidence that Orophin and Rumil have not yet begun to spread rumors about my 'reputation', whatever it may be."

"Worry not about your brothers, but of your nephews. They are the ones out at night with the time to cause such mischief," warned Celebrian.

"What reputation is this that you speak of?" asked Nenniach as she threaded her needle. "We worried that he could not be trained, and yet it seems he already is. He is polite, growls only half the time, and is easy on the eyes." To this, Haldir once again turned red, but said nothing. "Not as pretty as my dear Rumil, I might add, but I do not see what could possibly be wrong with him."

Haldir ground his teeth, waiting to see if either Celebrian or Valarda were going to comment. When they didn't, he sighed in defeat, and said, "I talk in my sleep."

"You what?"

"Well, first, I sleep. That seems to put every elleth I have ever been with on edge. Imagine waking up next to the Captain of the Galadhrim only to see that his eyes are closed."

"If it is all the same to you," piped up Celebrian, "I would rather not imagine that."

"I have had a few of them scream or faint, thinking me to be dead," he continued, ignoring his sister's comment. "Second, if I do go so far as to sleep, I begin to speak-"

"Mumble," interrupted Valarda. "It's mumbling, not speaking."

"I begin to mumble," corrected Haldir, "and say silly things, none of which I remember-"

"Actually, there's very little coherency to it," Valarda said, interrupting once again. "Sometimes names, or places, sometimes strings of words that have nothing to do with one another. Different languages, too, elvish and westron, and sometimes dwarvish or orc tongue."

Valarda looked back to Haldir waiting for him to finish, but he sat now with his arms crossed to his chest. "Please, if you'd like to tell them about it.

"Well, I have heard it before. I am quite familiar with your night babbling. You, on the other hand, can only learn what you have said secondhand." Valarda glanced at Nenniach, whose brow was raised slightly. "I've heard it," she said pointedly, "because of sharing watch on the borders with him, not whatever it is that your imagination is telling you."

"I might believe you, except for the way he blushes so whenever you mention the topic." As if on cue, Haldir's cheeks glowed and the tips of his ears became red.

"I think he just does that no matter who is making such comments," guessed Valarda.

They paused for a bit, each concentrating on their selected tasks for a time. Nenniach finally turned to look at Haldir, and once she had his attention, said, "Rumil drools."

"What?" Haldir couldn't help but laugh at this sudden revelation.

"He drools, when he is sleeping. All over the pillow," she added, spreading her arm about. "I make him tie his hair back before bed, or it would be matted in the morning. So you see, dear Haldir, if you think your sleep talking is what has kept you from a wife all these years, it simply cannot be. All I can think of is that you just have not been introduced to the right ones. A situation easily remedied." Before Nenniach could begin playing matchmaker, Celebrian interjected with her own story.

"Elrond snores." Celebrian heaved a sigh, as if a great weight of many years had lifted from her. "I pinch his nose. I try to push him to his side. Sometimes, I even pull the sheet over his head, but nothing works. It is an endearing quality, though, in some way, reminding me of what part of him is, and of what he gave up. I do not think that choice was an easy one for him to make, nor would it be for any half-elf."

"What does Orophin do?" prodded Nenniach.

"Orophin... what doesn't he do?" snickered Valarda. She closed her book and thought. "Well, he does get a bit grabby sometimes."

"Sometimes? I have seen no other elf who is less discreet," scolded Nenniach. "I meant, what is his 'flaw'. He must have some sort of oddity about him."

"Mmm... " Valarda thought on it a little longer. "No, I am sorry, all I am able to come up with is that he has grabby hands, and even that I do not consider a flaw. No, I am sorry, he is just a perfect elf."

"There is nothing? Nothing at all?" Celebrian could not believe Valarda's assessment.

"No. Nothing," Valarda said.

"Do not worry, there is still time for him to develop something." Celebrian bit the end of the thread and examined her work. "I wonder what sort of trouble they are getting themselves into at the moment."

"You do realize your husbands are riding with my mother, do you not?" Haldir informed them.

Valarda looked at Haldir curiously. "Why didn't you go with them? We would have been more than happy to accommodate Galadriel."

"Obviously, there is something afoot," deduced Nenniach. "Rumil has been very secretive as of late."

"Elrond as well," mused Celebrian. "Dear brother, I believe you are being plotted against."

"By my own family? Never," Haldir grinned.

"Well, now, this isn't right!" Nenniach threw her sewing into her lap and addressed the rest of the group. "I am rather upset that they are using us as part of their scheme."

Celebrian patted her arm. "It isn't as if much can be done about it."

Nenniach furrowed her brow, surveying the inside of the coach. "Oh, yes, there is!" she smirked conspiratorially. Into the sewing bag she dug, until she found a length of dark fabric. "Alright, ladies... and Haldir... it is time to see if our sewing skills are up to snuff. There is work to be done!"

- - -

Elrond stepped out of the coach, satisfied that he had two more accomplices, and likely a third. Although the blackmail approach had not worked on Galadriel, it had done wonders on Orophin. After they were on their way, Elrond had smugly produced a number of drawings and letters written in the second age for his brother-in-law's perusal. The pictures, obviously drawn by an elfling, depicted a red-haired elleth performing numerous housekeeping tasks. The accompanying text, read to the group by Elrond, was no doubt amusing. Whoever had written them had their mind set upon being a lady of the court with no less than a dozen elflings. Orophin nearly choked when he saw the signature.

"Valarda! These are hers?" Orophin began to study the pictures in greater detail now, noting familiar trees from Lothlorien in the scenery. "You cannot be serious!"

For the sake of his wife, Orophin reluctantly joined the Order of the Elves Against Haldir. Knowing of Valarda's pride, rejection of most things feminine, and wrath if such pictures or letters were to become common knowledge, Orophin also promised to enlist his wife in the venture.

Rumil's plan to ensnare Galadriel did not work as anticipated. Each and every rumor was met with shrugs and yawns. "Rumil, my sweet one, there is not a thing I have done that could surprise anyone more than the horrific thing I did that all know of."

In a panicked final attempt, Rumil simply asked her to be a party to the plot against Haldir. Galadriel shook her head, but a glint in her eye told them there was still some hope. "I will do nothing to poor Haldir, for he will have enough to contend with worrying what the three of you will do. I will, however, make good on my promise to you, Elrond. The pink-feathered hat my husband made you wear was absolutely unacceptable, and I do intend to... explain that to him. If that…... explanation... happens to be in the form of whatever revenge you have planned for Haldir, then so be it."

Elrond frowned as the second carriage approached, for no sign was shown that the third coach was nearby. He walked up to Celeborn as the elf lord stepped down from the carriage. "Did you see if the last coach was having any problems?"

"None that I could tell." Celeborn shaded his eyes, looking to the East. "Let us set up, and by then, they should reach us, or I shall take a horse back and see what is keeping them."

A large blanket was spread out on the ground and was quickly laden a number of picnic items. As those already present made an attempt to find a comfortable spot against a tree or on the grass, the third carriage arrived, pulled lazily along by the black horses.

"It is about time," Elrond said under his breath. He cocked his head to one side, examining the carriage. "Did ours have curtains on it, Rumil?" he asked, louder now. Rumil shook his head, watching the coach warily.

The door opened slowly, and Celebrian took her time exiting. She was slightly flushed, hiding her face with a fan, which she waved furiously at herself. Elrond took a step forward, but Celebrian, taking note of his approach, rushed over to his side.

"Celebrian, are you well?" asked Elrond, placing a hand to her forehead. She seemed to be paling once again, but also looked a bit out of breath.

"Quite well, thank you," she said, wrapping her arm around Elrond's. "What is there for lunch?" Before her husband answered, the door of the coach creaked, and Nenniach slipped down the steps. Unlike Celebrian, she was utterly composed - with the exception of her hair, which was unusually loose and a bit... damp.

Rumil looked upon her suspiciously, but if Nenniach noticed it, she did not reply. "Have you found us a nice spot to eat?" she asked him. Rumil nodded, turning his attention back to the carriage.

Valarda was less discreet than her companions, clomping down the steps. Although her hair remained perfect, and she neither panted nor looked flushed, she was hastily retying her tunic and making a bit of a deal out of it. Orophin rolled his eyes in an apologetic manner of sorts, walking forward to retrieve his wife, when he noticed she was not wearing her own boots. Or her own tunic.

Orophin assessed her with one long look from head to toe. "Dare I ask what happened to your own clothing?"

"It is in there somewhere," she said, waving her hand toward the coach.

Orophin sighed. "Oh, come along. I am not going to be bothered with this prank now."

"Prank? What are you talking about?"

Orophin narrowed his eyes. "Just come along now, Valarda." Orophin reached forward to taker her hand, but stopped, noticing something behind her.

Valarda looked around her shoulder, seeing Haldir leaning casually in the doorway of the carriage. He no longer wore his tunic, or his boots, and appeared to be quite comfortable even though he was both barefooted and bare-chested. Raising one hand to her lips, Valarda blew him a kiss, and for once, the former captain didn't blush or look away. Instead, he smirked with satisfaction and started down the steps.

"Oh, lovely. Elleth, I swear, you're going to drive me mad yet." Orophin did take her hand now, determined to find a spot far from everyone else, but especially Haldir. At least now, he had something to get back at Haldir for, which put him somewhat at ease about going along with Elrond's plans.

Celeborn stepped next to Haldir, clearing his throat. Haldir paused, turning his head to regard his father. "That was indeed a joke, was it not? Something to amuse yourself with?"

"Please, Ada, I don't know what you are talking about."

"I am speaking of those three ladies who just left the carriage you shared and the state they were in."

"Ada," said Haldir, a shocked tone to his voice, "we were merely relaxing in the coach, for it is a warm day, and a long ride."

Celeborn shook his head, placing a hand on Haldir's shoulder. "I will then assume it was indeed a joke, and congratulate you, for the look on the faces of your brothers and Elrond was priceless. And if it was not a joke," Celeborn dropped his voice lower, "then I still congratulate you!"

Haldir chuckled and joined his parents beneath a tree for lunch.

- - -

As the blankets were being refolded and placed into the baggage hold of the nearest coach, Celeborn retrieved Galadriel's travel bag from the carriage she had been in. "Celebrian has asked your mother to travel with her for the remainder of the trip," he explained, placing the bag into the remodeled coach.

"I suppose that will mean Haldir is to come with us now," Rumil whispered to Elrond.

"Good. I plan to have a discussion with him about proper carriage-riding procedures and the value of not even pretending to lay a hand on another elf's wife." Elrond had been civil through lunch, but it was obvious the episode that had occurred had somewhat upset him. "Especially in the cases when that elleth is not only someone else's wife, but also your sister."

"Where is he then?" asked Rumil, noting that everyone else appeared to be in their coaches now. "Orophin," Rumil called, sticking his head into their carriage, "have you seen Haldir about?"

"Last I saw him, he was over by his coach," Orophin said, pointing.

Elrond shook his head. "That can't be. Galadriel is riding in it now, there is no room." The trio exchanged glances and then sprinted over to the ladies' carriage. Elrond rapped on the wooden door, and a hand drew back the newly placed curtain slightly.

"Is it time already to commence?" Haldir was quite serious as he asked his question, but behind him, giggling rose up from the others inside. He still had nothing covering his upper body, and at some point back to the carriage had ended up with a rose tucked behind his ear. Placing his folded arms on the window sill, he rested his head upon them. "The horses are ready as soon as you like, and the ladies are even more so."

"Haldir, this is no longer amusing." Elrond's arms were crossed, and his brow was raised in a most intimidating manner despite the laughter coming from the coach.

"What is no longer amusing, Lord Elrond?" The giggling became louder.

"Do not make me spell it out, Haldir. There are ellyth present."

Haldir suddenly appeared shocked. "Lord Elrond! I still do not know what it is you insist is going on, but I am quite taken aback to think you believe it is happening in here."

"Haldir, this is becoming ridiculous," said Rumil. "The thoughts I had throughout lunch were bad enough, considering my wife was there with you, but now you have Nana in there, too, and that just isn't right."

The curtain was drawn back a bit from the other side of the same door, and Galadriel smiled out at them. "Worry not, Rumil. I have come only to watch." The carriage lurched forward, causing the three elves next to it to back away, all of them groaning to some extent. Haldir leaned out of the window when they were a few yards off, waving dramatically and blowing kisses before he slipped back inside. 


	17. Plague of Valinor

The Purple Plot Bunnies first appeared as a one-shot story on the Haldir Lovers yahoo group in September of 2003, as part of a small group of interconnected stories written by Zhie. Since then, they have expanded into a series of fifty, a sequel, a springboard for other fanfic writers, and also have given the name to the Alternate Universe of which they are a part.

All stories in the Purple Plot Bunny Universe are archived at Pounce! ; most stories in the universe are posted first at Little Balrog. Links for these places can be found in the author's profile. Thank you for reading!

- - - - -

"I feel like..." Haldir paused, smiling at the pair of ellyth that approached, their smug looks causing him to scowl once they'd passed by.

"Like cattle at the market?" offered Elrohir, relaxing from the grin he had flashed them.

"Like the plague of Valinor?" guessed Elladan, sipping his drink. He had stopped being cordial after the third or fourth group had looked upon the three standing near the wall in distaste. His brother and Haldir turned to him, both of them confused. "Apparently, neither of you were aware of our lower status here." He motioned from himself to his brother and back again.

Haldir shook his head and frowned, glancing back to where the ellyth were. "You mean to tell me the reason so many are reluctant to approach us is because you are half-elven?"

Elladan slapped Haldir on the back. "You've won the big prize tonight, uncle. Elrohir, tell him what he wins."

Elrohir hung his head, embarrassed that he hadn't realized sooner. "Well, if he stays with us, a blank dance card and no one to warm his bed." Elrohir smiled sadly to Haldir. "Go on then, uncle, you might as well shift away from us so your evening isn't entirely spoiled."

"No, I shall do no such thing." Haldir looked bitterly upon others that had shunned them, wondering how anyone could have such an attitude. "In fact, I am of a mind to demand why they think in such a vulgar manner."

"Uncle, please." Elladan nearly put his hand upon Haldir's arm, but decided against it. "Elrohir and I have each other, and that is enough for us. Damn the rest of the world, that's how we've always seen it. You should have a bit of fun while you are here, get to know some of the others."

"If this is how they act, I am of a mind to forget them completely," Haldir told them venomously.

Thranduil's gathering was oddly planned, in Haldir's mind. The afternoon began with singing and dancing inside Oropher's Great Hall, and would continue well into the evening, with dinner to commence shortly outside as the sun set. Haldir was not looking forward to dinner if he was to endure more of the same treatment outside as he had in. In fact, he would have been satisfied to leave at that very moment, had his father not had something planned to follow the dinner.

"Seriously, I look less like an elf than either of you," continued Haldir. "If anything, it is I who should be considered a... breeding hazard," he finished the rest of his drink, hoping to find stronger wine at dinner.

"Perhaps, they think you to be a half-elf as well," Elrohir said apologetically.

"El, please, they would have to be blind to think that," Elladan countered, and it was true. The pile of burgundy cloth that Celebrian had worked on during the journey was in fact a tunic that presented Haldir, for the first time he could ever remember, in the rank and house he belonged. Unless anyone counted the dark red cape he had worn to the battle at Helm's Deep. He shivered at the memory. "Something the matter, uncle?"

"No, nothing," said Haldir, "I just-"

He was interrupted by the sound of a horn calling everyone to the outdoor feast. "A classic, first age affair!" Thranduil had announced to them when they had arrived. "Not to be missed, and not to be forgotten!"

Haldir couldn't remember seeing so many candles, so much color and light, and never so much food. Not even at his coronation for his brief time ruling Greenwood could he recall such lavishness, nor at the wedding of Elrond and Celebrian. He walked with the twins around the tables, looking to find their place cards. "Here we are, El!" Elladan said gleefully, holding up a large leaf that had been placed upon a plate. On the dark green, written in golden ink, was Elladan's name.

Elrohir carefully looked at the leaves around the table. "There must be some mistake, El. My name is not here."

Just at that moment, Celeborn happened by and heard them speaking. "Elrohir, I believe I noted your name near the other end." He pointed out a table on the south-eastern end of the front lawn as he continued along.

"Why would they do that to us?" Elrohir asked as soon as Celeborn was out of range to hear him. "El, we've always ever eaten together, surely someone must have mentioned that to Thranduil if he did not already know!" His voice was panicked, and Elladan placed a hand upon his shoulder.

"It is a mistake, I am sure of it," Elladan assured him. "They would not knowingly separate us."

An elleth wearing silver and white, with dark brown hair wandered to the table, smiling as she found her name at a place next to Elladan's. As she placed a hand onto the back of her chair, Haldir boldly placed his upon it, and she looked up. Her first moment of surprise was well covered as she looked up the elf before her coyly. "I suppose you're going to show me you're a respectable elf and pull out the chair for me?"

"Actually," said Haldir, sliding his hand away and joining it with his other hand in front of him, "I was going to ask a favor of you."

"Oh?" The elleth smiled prettily. "And what might that favor be, pray tell?"

"Well, I do not know how to explain this, but there has been a mistake," he said, rather hurriedly before too many others found their way to the table. "My nephews, they are supposed to be at the same table together, and somehow, one of them has been placed over there." He waved with his hand in the general direction behind him. "So I would be most appreciative if you would be able to relocate to the other table."

The elleth looked confused. "Why are your nephews supposed to be sitting together?"

"They happen to be twins, and-"

"Elrond's sons?" she blurted out, her voice was no longer soft and demure. Rather, it was more of a shriek that unsettled a number of guests at nearby tables.

Haldir thought the elleth, whose name he had learned to be Taralawen from the leaf on her plate, seemed a bit unsteady now, and likely would have run away had they not been at such a formal event. Looking around Haldir, she now saw the identical pair of elves, and almost retched at the sight. Her face showed her inner turmoil - did she dare help these half-elves, or did she risk sitting next to one the rest of the evening?

The decision was made for her as Elrohir tapped Haldir on the shoulder. "I think I am going to find my seat, uncle. Care to walk with me?" Elladan was settling into his, not bothering to give Taralawen a second look.

Haldir nodded, also deciding to ignore the elleth. As soon as they were at a distance Haldir deemed to be far enough, he slipped into Westron, hoping few around them would understand the words.

"What a bitch!" he exploded, though his voice was low. Elrohir nodded in agreement, grinning despite his mood. "I swear, Elrohir, if she were an ellon or a man, I'd have knocked her out cold for that. Party or no party."

"You did more than you needed, uncle, and El and I are both very grateful for that. But we have come to the conclusion that we will upset the meals of twice as many elves if we eat at separate tables."

"Does your father get the same treatment?" Haldir couldn't help to ask.

"He does, and then again, he does not. I think behind his back many say things they should not, while to his face, they are much more humble. He did a lot of things El and I never did, and his status also helps him." Elrohir found the table his grandfather had referred them to and circled it, careful of the elves already present. "What did El and I do? Wandered the north playing rangers and inherited Rivendell for all of a quarter century or so. Not exactly the highest accomplishments." Finding his space, he rested his hands on his chair and switched back to a more common tongue. "Shall we meet after the meal in the hall? Same place again?"

"Only if you and your brother have not already found dance partners," he said with a wink. He nodded to another elf at the table that was deep in conversation but acknowledged him nonetheless. He felt more at ease knowing Ilmendin would not likely take kindly to any half-elf shunning that might have taken place. At Elladan's table, Olwe was just about to make himself comfortable. It seemed his nephews would not need to fret much during the meal. Haldir would have skipped; except he remembered what trouble skipping had caused the last time he'd done it and how ridiculous he looked when he skipped.

Haldir did not make it to his own place until nearly everyone else was seated, and in fact, everyone at his table was sitting down. He tried to slip into his chair unnoticed, but the brightly colored clothing Celebrian had made for him prevented that. He was soon drawn into the conversation.

The ellon and ellyth at his table were polite and jolly and he couldn't help to think throughout the entire meal whether or not they would have acted the same had he been seen by any of them with either of the twins. He was in an unexplainable bad temper by the time he began walking back to the hall. Elrohir and Elladan were sitting at the top of the steps, neither of them seeming all too happy, either.

"Come on, let's take a bit of a stroll around first to walk off some of the meal," suggested Haldir. The twins hopped up from their perch and quickly were at the foot of the steps. Neither felt like telling Haldir they had very little to walk off. They were silent as they encircled the massive structure, admiring the architecture.

"I hope Adar doesn't think he has to build up the house to something of this size," Elrohir said, finally breaking the silence.

"There is a difference between our home and this one." Said Elladan. "Ours is made for living in. This is meant to be impressive-looking, but I have a feeling a fit would be had if anyone were to bring a flamingo into this house or not wipe their feet before entering." Elrohir nodded in agreement.

Haldir looked up at the towering palace, taking in the many windows, turrets, and balconies. A number of elves had retired to various places and could be seen in the dim light of the moon. "I do not like it," he finally said. "I would prefer a cave, and even better, a tree. It isn't natural to live in such a house."

"You don't like living in the First Homely House, do you?" asked Elladan, but his tone wasn't accusing.

Haldir shook his head. "I like your father's house. I like it very much. It is very cozy, and warm, and I feel welcome there. I do not feel welcome here." They came to the steps once again, and found very few elves left outside. "I think I understand why it is that Thranduil built the King's Kastle."

"It is an escape for him," Elrohir said, "that much is clear now."

Haldir nodded and looked up the steps to the entrance. "We should join everyone, there is something to happen before the dancing begins again." The twins began up the stairs before Haldir, the elder elf pausing for a moment, feeling as if someone had been following them.

There was a tap on his shoulder, but not the friendly sort of tap one expects from a friend or relative. This one meant business, and Haldir turned around slowly, looking not a bit surprised to see a rather irate elleth with dark hair.

"I may not know how to speak 'Wess-Tron'," said Taralawen, "but my husband does and heard your entire conversation." Haldir looked past Taralawen to see an angry looking elf headed in his direction. Before the ellon could reach him, Haldir held up his hand.

"If you plan to engage me, I will not regret fighting back. It was your wife, and not you whom I insulted, and not without good reason. If she still believes she has been scorned by my words, then let her retaliate. I promise, I shall not strike back." Haldir stood his ground, lowering his hand. Behind him, he could hear Elrohir swallow and Elladan shift his feet on the stone stairway. This was soon replaced with a crack and Taralawen slapped his cheek, but he made no effort to withdraw. She spat at his feet as an afterthought and flounced away from him.

Her husband took a few steps closer. "Do not think this is finished, wood elf," and the words were spoken with a fierce amount of hate, "for I will not stand idly by to hear words that speak ill of my wife and the elleth with whom I raised three elflings."

Haldir stepped closer, dangerously close, switching to Westron. "Perhaps you should have thought to raise the elleth first."

Elladan and Elrohir both leaped down the stairs as the elf backhanded Haldir, but their uncle held his hand to them, insisting they stay behind him.

"Mark my words, wood elf, this is not finished." The elf's finger pushed at Haldir's chest daringly. "The next time we meet, more than words will be exchanged." He drew back, and stomped off after his wife.

"Bloody Noldo, lot of good they are," cursed Elladan, pulling his handkerchief from his pocket. Haldir stepped back from Elladan's care, even with his nose spilling blood.

"Never let me hear you say such a thing again, Elladan." Haldir's voice was quiet, but severe. "Listen to your words, for they are no different from the rest you have heard ringing in your ears this evening. Is not Glorfindel a Noldo? What of Erestor?"

"What about us?" Elrohir now had Elladan's attention, even as his brother's head hung in shame. "We might not be quite as much elf as the rest, but some of it is Noldorin. I know you are upset, brother, but do not let your rage taint your words."

Elladan nodded. "You are right. Both of you are. I was just - I am so very angry that they would even think to strike you, uncle." Elladan came closer to Haldir once again. "Please, may I tend to you?" Haldir nodded, letting Elladan wipe up the blood and stop the flow. "I apologize. I will be more careful with my words."

This appeared to appease Haldir, and he pushed his nose a bit with his finger, testing to see if it was damaged more than expected. "I know you will. Now, come, for your grandfather has something planned and I would be terribly sorry if I were to miss it." The three headed up the stairs and through the entrance as they had planned.

Celeborn was there and halted all three of them, looking in disdain at the bloodied cloth Elladan now hid up his sleeve. "We will talk later," he said sternly, and none of the three argued this. Standing nearby were Celebrian, Orophin, and Rumil, each with a long-stemmed rose in their hands. Celeborn handed one of the same to Haldir, keeping one himself. "Elrohir, Elladan, go on inside. Tell Thranduil we are all here now." The twins bowed slightly in wonder, and headed into the hall.

Celeborn shook his head at Haldir. "I do not know how many times I need to explain this to you, penneth. If you cannot find anything nice to say, do not say anything at all unless you are completely out of range, and even then, my suggestion is that you say it in your head to yourself. Is that clear?"

"As crystal, sir."

Celeborn gave a curt nod, and added, after letting out a long breath. "I am, however, proud of your actions this evening." Haldir raised a brow, and Celeborn continued. "You may think I have seen little, but I know much. If it were not for the sake of your mother, we would not have stayed this long." Celeborn made a motion with his head, and Haldir knew to move away and in place between Celebrian and Orophin.

Orophin leaned slightly toward Haldir as Celeborn stepped to the doorway and peered into the hall. "I'd have punched him. And the elleth, probably."

Rumil turned to look at Orophin and Haldir. "Punch who?" Rumil saw that Haldir's cheek was slightly swollen, and gasped. "Halli, what happened to you?"

"A nasty little elleth and her husband attacked him," hissed Celebrian. "What a bitch," she added in Westron. "She had better hope I never meet up with her in a dark gardenway."

"Celebrian!" Celeborn addressed his daughter, but it wasn't to scold her. Instead, he was motioning to the doorway, and Celebrian scooted forward. She stopped to compose herself and gracefully entered the room.

- - -

"Galadriel," announced Thranduil as soon as Elrohir and Elladan told him things were ready. He walked to the surprised elleth, taking her hand and leading her to the center of the room, where none others stood. "Galadriel, I know our relationship hasn't always been on the best of terms."

"Relationship? What relationship?" mused Galadriel playfully. A goodly amount of laughter rose up, and Thranduil frowned, keeping up his kingly appearance quite well.

"Come now, my dear. There was always a bit of a scuff between us two. You had the ring of adamant; I had a ring of spiders around my doorstep. You asked the Valar for a son and ended up with three while I asked the Valar for a daughter and apparently, they were on holiday." The laughter and the jibes continued for a bit, each of them attempting to best the other.

It was Thranduil finally who attempted to bring their game to a conclusion. "We could continue on like this for some time my dear, but I think you must agree, that in the end, it is I who came out ahead."

Galadriel narrowed her eyes, but was grinning madly. "How so?"

"Well, it's quite simple, really," he said. "I traveled to Valinor in a much prettier boat." He looked to the doorway amid the laughter, signaling to Celeborn. "What this really comes down to is that so many, many years ago when my good friend, for whatever silly reason, became smitten with you, he chose me to aid him in that quest as his honored elf at your wedding."

"You were at the wedding?" asked Galadriel, ever wanting to have the last word of a dispute. "All this time, I thought you had spent it in the wine cellar."

"Saes, you will split my side with your jests!" pleaded Thranduil, motioning to the doorway. "As the years flew by, you became the parents of not just one or two but of a whole flock of wonderful elflings, all of whom I would have been more than happy to play guardian to had you brought them around Greenwood more often. I am hoping I might get my chance with the newest member of your family when she is born. Alas, I would call her by name, but I am told she does not yet have one. That is what your family intends to remedy right now."

Galadriel looked now to the door, where Celebrian stood, holding a single rose before her. Thranduil moved away from Galadriel's side, leaving her to stand alone as her daughter approached.

Celebrian stopped in front of her mother. "Nana, I wanted to thank you for something that I hold very dear to my heart. My name. It is perfect and I love it and I would never exchange it for another." She held out the rose and Galadriel gladly accepted it from her. Celebrian gave a bit of a curtsey and stepped back and off to the side, but did not quite leave the center.

Haldir approached next. He stopped halfway, as if he wasn't exactly certain he wanted to say what he intended very close to Galadriel. She raised a brow elegantly and he grinned. "I suppose it is to be expected that one cannot... find the perfect name all of the time." A few elves smirked at this, mostly those who knew Haldir well. "But compared to some of the things I was called throughout the years, many of which were well-deserved, I can safely say I like Haldir the best." Even Galadriel laughed now, and Haldir continued to her, handing her the rose. "Truly, I thank you for my name, Nana, I do love it and I am proud of it." He bowed, joining Celebrian a few paces away.

Orophin took a few elegant strides into the room, and then when he was sure all eyes were on him, skipped the rest of the way. "Do excuse me, nana, I kept hopping and tripping forward, I think the floor is a bit wet." His brother and sister contained their silent laughter as he continued. "I cannot quite thank you for my name directly, for as luck would have it, my brother came up with this wonderful word I answer to. I can thank you, however, for asking Glorfindel to stay in the Golden Woods to tend to the education of my wayward siblings," both of whom narrowed their eyes at Orophin, "and that such a memorable impression was made upon young Haldir for him to name me after the Lord of the House of the Golden Flower. And in many fewer words, thank you, Nana." Orophin handed Galadriel the flower he held, lifted her other hand, and kissed it before bowing as well. Unlike the red roses Celebrian and Haldir had given her, his was yellow. He took his place beside Haldir and waited for his other brother to enter the hall.

Rumil entered slowly, shyly almost, keeping his head bowed. When he was in front of Galadriel, he smiled, holding out the rose. "My name was also gifted to me by Haldir, but it is not my name for which I thank you, Nana, but for everything." Galadriel drew her youngest son into a tight embrace, kissing him on the cheek. Rumil bowed quickly as they parted, and slid into place next to Orophin.

Celeborn stood in the doorway, eyes on his wife. He approached her, his stride regal and full of an unknown purpose. He stopped only when he was barely a yard away. "Galadriel." His voice was clear, and the word was almost sung in how he said it. Galadriel took a step forward, but Celeborn flinched, so she stepped back. "Do you know where we are?" he asked.

Galadriel carefully looked around her, at the elves surrounding them, the walls, ceiling, and floor. Slowly, she shook her head. Celeborn took another step forward, taking hold of Galadriel's hands carefully minding the flowers both of them held. "Galadriel," he said again, and realization came into her eyes.

"This is where you named me. It was a garden here, many ages ago."

"Aye, but the palace has been built around it," Celeborn said, stroking the back of Galadriel's hands with his thumbs. "I thought this was the perfect place for it."

"For...?"

Celeborn let go of her hands, transferring the rose he had held into Galadriel's. "That is from our daughter," he said as he lowered himself so that he was on one knee. He reached up to hold onto Galadriel's free hand, placing his other onto her swelled stomach, closing his eyes. "...Tallasinde." 


End file.
